Right by Your Side by babs

"Dan..." Jack's whisper pulled Daniel's attention away from the book he was reading.

"Jack?" Daniel placed the book on the floor and leaned closer to the hospital bed. He took Jack's hand in his, dismayed when he realized Jack didn't even have the strength to curl his fingers around Daniel's. He held their clasped hands up to show Jack the connection. "Do you need something? Can I help?"

A small smile curved the edges of Jack's mouth. "Miracle in pock..."

"Sorry, fresh out." Daniel smiled back. Only Jack, he thought. Only Jack would be joking about his own impending death. Joking, but Daniel could see the fear that lurked there in unguarded moments.

"Need to talk."

"Later on, Jack. You need to rest." Daniel took a tissue and wiped a small bit of drool away from Jack's mouth.

"Now." Jack's helplessness became apparent as a few stray tears formed in his eyes. Unable to use his hands to grasp Daniel's arm, his voice a mere thread, Jack could only use a glance to get Daniel to do as he bid. Daniel cursed his own selfishness and fear and lowered the bed rail, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"What do you need to tell me?" Daniel kept his voice calm although his heart was pounding. They didn't have many days left, Daniel knew, and he vowed to make them as easy on Jack as he could. Grief could come later, their remaining time together was too valuable to waste over pettiness.

"No," Jack began. Daniel hated the times when Jack lost his ability to speak--yet one more way they were being robbed of time by whatever the implant had done to Jack.

"No machines. Peace." Jack kept his eyes on Daniel, the emotion in them strong when his voice could not be.

"We might need more time to find the cure, a way to remove the implant," Daniel said in a rush.

"Danny."

"Yes." Daniel bowed his head, pulling Jack's hand to his cheek and holding it there. "I know. No machines. I promise. I'll let you go in peace."

Jack mouthed a 'thank you,' and Daniel nodded again, keeping Jack's hand clasped in his as he lowered it back to the bed. "Hey," Daniel smiled and used his thumb to wipe away the tears from Jack's eyes. He lowered his head, resting his forehead against Jack's, wishing he could breathe in the scent of his lover instead of the medicinal smell that had replaced it over the past weeks. Jack was already asleep and Daniel sat for a long moment, just listening to the shallow sounds of Jack's breathing, the hiss of oxygen. He ran his fingers through Jack's hair, loving the softness of it, wondering how many more days they'd be granted.

"Daniel?" Janet's voice from the doorway startled him and he sat up, realizing he must have dozed off for a few minutes.

"Oh sorry." Scrubbing at his face, Daniel got off the bed and walked to her side. "Any news?"

"I'm sorry, Daniel." Janet sighed, rubbing her hands through her hair in a frustrated gesture. "The Mewarens still refuse to help us."

"Damn it!" Daniel pounded his fist into the wall. "Their refusal is killing  Jack. Can't they understand that?" He hit the wall once again. "Maybe if I try again."

"Daniel," Janet pulled his fist away from the wall, cradling it in her hands, "the colonel needs you here."

"He's going to die, Janet. He's going to die and I can't do anything to stop it," Daniel whispered, anguish and despair filling him. "He made me promise not to allow any machines. He doesn't want any life-saving measures." A sense of his failure to save his lover overtook him.

"When the time comes, Daniel, I'll make sure you can keep that promise," Janet nodded and glanced over at Jack. "Why don't you take some time to go get something to eat? We'll take care of him. And I promise we will page you if there is any change in his condition."

"Sam and Teal'c said they'd come by." Daniel said. He felt empty, drained. No answers, no hope, only failure. He'd go to the commissary to get some food, but he knew there was no chance he'd ever be able to force it down.

It was the change in Jack's breathing that alerted him. Daniel woke up from his doze and sat on the edge of the bed once again. Jack had last been awake and cognizant two days previous. He'd slipped into a coma sometime during the night after opening his eyes and whispering 'I love you' to Daniel. Janet assured him Jack was in no pain---one small mercy Daniel was grateful for.

"Janet?" he asked as the curtains around the bed were slid back. "I think..."

"Yes, Daniel," Janet whispered. "I don't think it will be long now."

Daniel nodded, not sparing a glance away from his lover. "Maybe you should call Sam and Teal'c. I think they'll want to be here."

"They've been waiting in the hallway for the past few hours. Shall I send them in?"

Unable to speak, Daniel could only nod. He placed his hand over Jack's heart, hoping that there was some part of Jack that could still feel the touch of a lover and friend.

He stepped away from the bed when Sam and Teal'c entered, not wanting to intrude on their final private moments with Jack.

"We'll be here for you, Daniel," Sam said when she came out from behind the curtains. "We'll be waiting for you."

"Hey there, Jack." Daniel quickly settled on the bed beside his partner. "I'm back. I'm going to stay with you. There's no reason to be afraid. It's okay for you to let go."

He pressed a kiss to Jack's unresponsive lips and then to his temple. "I love you, Jack. Remember that, wherever you go. I love you."

Jack's breathing became more erratic as if at times he was forgetting how to breathe. Daniel could no longer feel Jack's heart beat under his hand and he closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable. There was a moment when Jack gave one last sighing breath and then nothing. Daniel's eyes burned although he couldn't summon tears. Some griefs were too deep.

They left them alone for a time until finally Janet came. "We need to take him now," she said and Daniel felt someone removing his hand from where it curled around Jack's. He was so tired. He'd gone hours without sleep as he'd kept his vigil over the past week and he surrendered to the comforting dark, hoping that he never woke.

"Daniel? Can you open your eyes for us, Daniel?" He recognized the voice as Janet Fraiser's. He could open his eyes he was pretty sure; he just didn't *want* to.

"Doctor Jackson." Her voice turned sharp and Daniel blinked a few times before a blurry image appeared. He swallowed, surprised at his dry throat. Someone held a spoonful of ice chips against his lips and he opened his mouth obediently.

Infirmary, he thought as more brain cells began to activate. He was in the infirmary but he couldn't remember...Oh God, oh God! Jack was dead. He tried to sit up but hands clamped onto his shoulders forcing him down.

"DanielJackson, you are to remain still until DoctorFraiser gives you permission to move."

Daniel looked up at Teal'c and gave him a small nod as his promise.

"How are you feeling?" Janet asked. Another white coated figure appeared beside her. "This is Doctor Trent. He'd like to do some tests on you."

"Glasses. I need my glasses." Daniel wasn't surprised to hear his voice was nearly a croak. His throat was sore, as if he'd been sleeping with his mouth open.

"Here you are, Daniel." Sam placed a pair in his hand. He put them on, not liking the world in sharp focus any better than he had the blurriness. He wondered how long he'd been asleep after they'd taken Jack away from him. He wondered if they'd let him see Jack before the funeral. Doctor Trent was asking him some questions and Daniel was just too tired to answer. He closed his eyes again, hearing a small cry of dismay from Sam, and then Janet saying something about how it could be expected. He hoped he'd see Jack in his dreams.

Someone must have taken his glasses because when he opened his eyes again, his world was a blur of whites and grays, with one particular gray he recognized.

"Jack?" Daniel whispered. He started to reach out his hand and then stopped when he noticed the IV stuck in the back of his hand. He let it drop to the bed.

"Hey there, Daniel. How you feeling?" Jack sounded so normal. Daniel didn't think ghosts would sound normal. He didn't know what ghosts were supposed to sound like, considering he'd never met one before, but he'd always imagined they'd have deep voices or ones that wavered like an old lady's.

"I'm," Daniel considered a moment--how was he supposed to answer Jack's ghost? "I'm fine."

"That's good. You gave us quite a scare there for awhile." Jack nodded and spun on the chair.

Daniel turned his head. It had made him dizzy when Jack did it when he'd been alive. Jack doing it when he was dead was worse. He thought someone was in the bed next to him but maybe it was just some bunched up blankets. Janet would be mad if he disturbed another patient and asked him if he could see Jack too.

"Daniel?"

"Jack." He fell into the old habit without thinking. Daniel stared at Jack.

"What?" Jack shrugged. "I have spinach stuck between my teeth or something?"

"Ha." Daniel gave a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob. "Like you can eat anymore."

"Ohhkay, Daniel. I think we're just gonna have the doc look at you again." Jack got up and leaned towards Daniel, one hand outstretched.

"No! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to let it happen. Don't hurt me." Daniel knew he was babbling in a small rational part of his mind. But that small rational part had found a corner and was huddled there in fear. Daniel didn't know what else to do. He began to yell as loud as he could.

There were people around his bed then--lots of people and Jack disappeared among them. He'd failed and his punishment was going to be Jack haunting him for the rest of his life. How had everything gone so wrong so fast?

****FLASHBACK****

"What's going on?"

Doctor Fraiser stood by the infirmary bed. When she spoke, her words were clipped, showing the strain of the past day since they'd come home from their mission to Meware. "There was evidence of an implant in all of SG-1's brains. Those missing hours you all reported are most likely the result of the implants being placed in the brain, and then information being gathered for study."

"But why would they want to study us? The Mewarens didn't seem hostile," Sam asked from her position by the foot of the bed.

"They were xenophobic. Perhaps they wanted to study us before they risked any of us contaminating their society," Daniel said. "I don't think they meant any harm by their actions."

"Well isn't that just peachy?" Jack fiddled with the call button until Daniel took it out of his hand. "And you're saying for some unknown reason this implant didn't completely dissolve when we came back through the gate."

"That's exactly what I'm saying." Janet sighed. "General Hammond has given permission for us to contact the Mewarens again."

"I need to talk to them," Daniel said. "Maybe I can reason with them."

"No," Jack said. "Daniel, you can't."

"For now, I want all of SG-1 in the infirmary. We're going to do some more tests and I'm hopeful that will give us more information to figure out how to turn the implant off," Janet said. She turned her attention to the monitors by the bed.

"Janet?" Sam asked.

"The implant is sending some sort of tendrils throughout the brain tissue. It's already affecting breathing and control of large muscles."

"If you can't figure out a way to turn the implant off, it's going to be fatal, isn't it?" Daniel said, his mouth dry, his heart pounding as he looked at Jack. Jack kept his eyes fixed on Janet although he slid his hand across the sheets to grip Daniel's.

"Yes, Daniel. I'm afraid it is."

**** END FLASHBACK****

"Janet, I think he's waking up again," Sam called. Her cool fingers touched his forehead and then his cheek. He felt Janet's small hand on his wrist and opened his eyes with a sigh.

"Welcome back, Daniel." Janet was smiling down at him. "Do you know where you are?"

"Infirmary," Daniel answered. He turned his head to look for Jack before he remembered Jack was gone.

"That's right," Janet agreed. He frowned at her. He didn't like her tone--it sounded as if she was patronizing him. Memories of being forced into a padded cell overwhelmed him for a moment and he knew that no matter what he needed to act sane. He couldn't let them know he'd seen Jack's ghost.

"Daniel?"

Janet's voice brought his attention back to her. "How are you feeling?"

Testing his arms and legs, he could only find a nagging headache as if he'd slept too long. "I'm fine," he answered automatically, and then added a smile just to be on the safe side.

"We'll see about getting you up a little bit later. But right now you need some more rest." Patting his shoulder, Janet glanced at a monitor off to his right. She smiled so he figured she must be liking what she saw there. She walked off, leaving Sam alone with Daniel.

"Hey Sam." Daniel raised his hand to rest it over hers on the bedrail.

"Daniel." Sam had tears in her eyes. He thought of what Sam and Teal'c must be going through. Jack dead, him falling apart. He hated to see Sam cry. "Thank God, you're going to be okay."

"Don't cry, Sam." Daniel tried to smile for her. He yawned. He really couldn't understand why he was so sleepy. He felt her hand on his forehead once more, missing a more familiar callused one. But at least he wasn't alone, he told himself.

Closing his eyes, Daniel tuned into the sounds of the infirmary. He could hear one of the nurses walking around, and then he heard the voices. They were moving closer to his bed and he kept his eyes tightly shut. Afraid that they'd see fear if he opened them. Words faded in and out as he listened, his heart beat so loud that he swore the others would hear it.

"...don't underst...afraid...possibility of brain damage..." he didn't recognize that voice, but he knew the next one was Janet's.

"Col...Neill...fear...implant...near death...testing..."

"Think...best he not see the col..." Sam was talking now and then the hand on his forehead was withdrawn. Daniel pulled the thin blanket closer to his chin, seeking warmth to chase the chill that was spreading from his stomach.

The voices were back again. Listening to them for a few minutes, Daniel waited, not sure if he should open his eyes or not.

"You don't understand. How do we know what he experienced while under the influence of that...thing?" Jack was back and this time he was shouting.

No use, Daniel thought. It's no use yelling, Jack. No one can hear you but me. He opened his eyes. Jack was back by his bed.

"Listen to me, Daniel. Everything is going to be okay. You don't need to be afraid of me. This is me, remember?"

That's just the problem Jack, I do remember, Daniel wanted to say, but he couldn't. The same fear that had gripped him earlier seized him again. Whoever thought having the ghost of your dead lover for company would be a comfort obviously had never gone through the experience. Daniel pushed at the bed rail, past visits to the infirmary giving him practice at lowering it. Jack stepped closer and Daniel nearly fell from the bed. He ignored the ripping sensation as the IV pulled out of the back of his hand.

"Daniel, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

Daniel stared at the blurry figure coming towards him, backing up until he stood against the wall. "Stay away from me!"

"Shit, Daniel. You can't be out of bed." Jack yelled louder and Daniel winced. He didn't think ghosts could yell, but Jack must be the exception to the rule.

"Get away." Daniel held out one hand to ward him off. "Stop haunting me."

"Doctor Jackson, what are you doing out of bed?" He didn't remember the nurse's name but she sounded really upset. Daniel shook his head at her and watched as she hurried away, calling for Doctor Fraiser and help.

"Keep him away." Daniel could hear his own voice rising in near hysteria. His knees trembled. The only thing holding him up was the wall.

"Daniel," Jack spoke again. "Come on, buddy. Let me help you."

"Don't touch me. I don't want to die, too." Daniel let his weight carry him to the floor. Jack knelt beside him and Daniel swore he could smell Jack's aftershave. "I don't want to go back there, Jack. Don't want to go in the white room again."

"Shh." A weight settled around Daniel's shoulders and someone was pressing on his hand.

"I know you're not real. You're dead, but oh God, Jack, I miss you." He leaned into the comforting embrace. "I didn't know a ghost could be solid." He didn't care anymore. He just wanted the moment to last. Maybe he was dead too. Maybe that was why Jack felt so real.

"Doc." Jack was talking. "Are you sure you got all that implant out of him? He's talking about ghosts and white rooms and isn't making much sense."

"Doctor Trent was able to remove it, Colonel. Let's get Daniel back in bed and then we can discuss things further."

"Janet?" Daniel asked as strong arms helped him to stand and guided him back to his bed. "You can see Jack?"

Janet didn't answer until Daniel had been settled back in his bed. "I can see the colonel, Daniel. Is there a reason I wouldn't be able to?"

He winced as one of the nurses re-inserted the IV and then turned his attention back to Janet. "He died. Don't you remember?"

Janet frowned at him, looking to Jack who was standing by her side. "No, I don't remember that, Daniel. Why don't you tell us about it?"

"We came back from Meware and Jack's implant didn't dissolve like the others. It went haywire. And he..." Daniel stopped at the looks of horror on Janet's and Jack's faces. The mattress dipped as Jack sat down on the bed beside him. That same warm comforting weight he'd felt earlier became Jack's arm over his shoulders. Jack's very real, solid arm.

"Oh God," Jack whispered. "Daniel, listen to me." He shook Daniel just a little. "It wasn't me. My implant dissolved when we came through the gate. So did Carter's and Teal'c's."

Daniel's stomach began to tingle and his body felt cold. "Me? My implant?" He started to shiver and Jack pulled him closer. Daniel closed his eyes, inhaling the smell of Jack's aftershave. He hoped this wasn't all a dream but he was afraid to ask.

"I'm afraid so, Daniel." Janet nodded. "Luckily the Mewarens decided to share their medical knowledge."

"They were scared of us. They didn't want to harm any of us," Daniel said. He looked at Jack. "You're real? You're sure?" He brought up his hand and rested it on Jack's chest over his heart.

"Sure as I can be." Jack smiled. He placed his hand on Daniel's cheek. "Yes. I'm sure." Jack frowned. "You must have heard everything that was going on when you were..."

"Dying?" Daniel finished.

"Dying," Jack repeated. Daniel looked up at him, seeing the shadows in Jack's eyes.

"I'm sorry, Daniel." He looked at Janet in surprise, unsure of why she would be apologizing to him. "We should have explained things to you when you woke up. Taken care to make sure you understood."

"Thank you, Janet." Daniel smiled at her. She patted his shoulder.

"We're going to want to run some tests, but I think we can hold off on them for a few minutes." She smiled at both him and Jack and then walked away, pulling the privacy curtain.

"So, Daniel, a ghost, huh?" Jack grinned at him.

"Hey don't make fun of me," Daniel frowned. "I'm the one who had brain surgery. It was brain surgery wasn't it?"

"Actually, Doctor Trent used some alien doohickey that looked like a football helmet. Put it on you, fiddled with some dials and voila, the implant was gone."

"In other words, my brain could have been fried," Daniel continued. He would have crossed his arms over his chest, but he really didn't feel like making the effort.

"Yeah." Jack didn't seem to take his words with the humor Daniel intended. He'd accused Jack of haunting him. Something told him Jack was the one haunted by this mission, having nightmares that would last for months.

"Jack, I'm sorry," Daniel whispered. When Jack looked at him, he said the next words in a rush. "I know what I felt like when I thought you were dying in my dreams. It was terrifying. I was helpless."

There was silence in the small space they shared. So quiet Daniel could hear Jack swallowing hard.

"That about sums it up, Daniel," Jack finally said. He blinked a few times before turning his head away and coughing. Daniel moved his hand to Jack's upper arm, pinching the skin.

"Ow. Damn it. What the hell was that for?" Jack looked at him. 

Studying the thin weave of the blanket covering his legs, Daniel spoke again. "I didn't think you were real."

"How about if I take care of showing you how real I am?" Jack pulled him closer, his voice low. He bent down close to brush his lips over Daniel's and then pressed a kiss to Daniel's forehead before reaching up and rubbing Daniel's head with his fist.

"Ouch!" Daniel scowled at Jack, batting his hand out of the way. "That hurt."

"You deserved it. If you don't think I'm real, I'm the one who is supposed to make sure you know I am." Jack grinned a moment before sobering. "Of course, we could settle for this too." He grabbed Daniel into a light hug. "Both real. We're both real." The words a reassurance.

"You know, Jack, I was thinking," Daniel said as he spoke into the beard stubble on Jack's cheek, "maybe I might need a few more lessons on reality when Janet decides it's okay for me to go home."

Smiling as he pulled away, Jack let his fingers trail along Daniel's cheek. Closing his eyes, Daniel relished the touch of his lover, a touch he thought he'd never feel again.

"I'm sure I'll be able to provide a few lessons, Daniel. Free of charge."

Daniel opened his eyes as Jack withdrew his hand and got up from the bed. "Jack?"

"I'll stay," Jack said, hooking a chair with his foot and plopping down in it. "Don't worry, I'll stay right by your side."

FINIS

Feedback is gratefully appreciated; please contact me at babs@jd-divas.com