“There’s not a
single thing you can say that I will want to hear, is there?” Jack
asked at last, looking up at Daniel’s wintry face.
“Buy that man a
clue!” Daniel toasted him ironically with his Pepsi.
Jack grimaced and
turned to stare out at the river, just visible through the grove of
trees he’d parked them in out here at the ass end of secluded, which
wasn’t doing him a damn bit of good, what with his behind propped up
against a tree and Daniel perched on the hood of the car.
They managed friends
just fine. It took work from both of them, but they were
fine. As for ‘I think…I’m falling for you’, Daniel’s working
definition so far was iffy on the physical and all the way over there
on the hood of the car with the emotional. Maybe he didn’t think
Jack was up to doing the relationship stuff. Jack had been
married for almost twelve years. He was up to almost
anything. Or maybe it was Daniel who wasn’t up to the
relationship stuff. Jack had no idea how Daniel was with Sha’uri,
apart from dazed. He knew this Daniel, not the boy he’d been, not
the man he was on Abydos. Stoic was expected in a teammate,
admirable in a friend and frickin’ impossible in your S.O.
If Daniel was his
S.O.
It was looking like
he was going to have to go over there, fetch his S.O. and explain this
to him.
Daniel looked up
warily as Jack jumped gracefully to his feet and stalked over to the
car.
“What part of ‘I
love you’ don’t you get?” Jack snarled. “Get your ass down here!”
“Don’t be childish,
Jack,” Daniel said wearily. “I know it might come as a shock, but
this is not about you.”
Jack tilted his
head, looked at Daniel musingly for a long moment. Then he nodded
and yanked Daniel slithering down the hood of the Lexus to sprawl
awkwardly against him.
“We can do this the
way that gets me horny or the other way that get me horny, but either
way, your ass is in that grass,” Jack purred menacingly. "And
mine is horny."
“I can’t think of
any ways you can get me from here to there that would get anybody
horny,” Daniel said blankly, aware himself he was missing the point.
“You need to get out
more,” Jack shook his head sadly. Then he dropped his shoulder
and pulled Daniel’s weight forward, the Pepsi arcing out over the grass
as Daniel toppled over Jack’s back, yelping.
“Put me down!”
Daniel snarled as Jack swaggered across the clearing. He had a
perfect if distracting view of Jack’s ass swaying rhythmically almost
before his eyes, and if this shirt wasn’t in the way...
“Nope,” Jack refused
pleasantly as Daniel’s entire body sulked. He curved his hand
fondly over Daniel’s ass. Completely loved this guy.
“Pervert,” Daniel
said at once.
“You’re totally
freaked by the fact I find you sexually attractive, aren’t you?” Jack
asked wryly.
“Yes,” Daniel
admitted. “I just can’t reconcile that with the fact I really
like having sex with you.”
“If you don’t whine
about the relationship stuff now, I promise you’ll get laid when we get
back to the B&B,” Jack offered generously.
“We have to wait?”
Daniel blurted. Then he blushed. “I…er…I…” He didn’t get a
chance to recover his composure or his balance. Jack dropped him
to his feet at the base of the tree and MOVED, and when Daniel caught
his breath again, they were in a tangle of arms and legs on the blanket
they got to go with the tuna sandwiches from Adele’s Deli on the
misnamed Fortune Street. He had to admit there was something
oddly soothing about having Jack’s heartbeat steady beneath his cheek,
even more so than Jack’s emphatic embrace. “You’re not quitting
on me. I get that,” Daniel admitted shyly, touched and
tentatively touching, a worthy endeavour Jack enthusiastically assisted
him in.
“Do you get that
we’re in a relationship?” Jack asked bluntly, failing to resist the
urge to stroke Daniel’s hair, which felt as silky against his skin as
it looked. “I’m not going to let you just use me for hot sex.”
Daniel reached down
slowly and cupped Jack’s crotch firmly. It took Jack moments to
rise magnificently to the occasion. “No?” he challenged in a low,
sultry voice that surprised them both and made Jack chuckle.
Daniel sensed Jack was edging ahead on points and tried out a gentle
massage through the soon straining denim. Jack hissed viciously
and arched aggressively into him, metaphorically throwing in the
towel. Daniel felt slightly smug. Mostly scared he could DO
this to Jack, but a little smug too. It wasn't a guy thing as
such, more a Jack-Daniel thing.
“Yes,” Jack caved
categorically. “Look, are you going to make me embarrass myself
and admit to the unbelievable truth here?” he complained.
“Mm-hm,” Daniel
agreed lazily, stretching up to kiss Jack’s throat now he seemed to
have gotten to grips with the massage. He had to admit it was a
huge turn on to see Jack losing control like this, thrusting
demandingly into the pressure, his own hand hard over Daniel’s, moving
him to squeeze and knead and rub in turn.
“I don’t just want
to have sex with you, I want to date you, now do me,” Jack harshly
ordered.
“Taking me out to
dinner type dating?” Daniel sought clarification, gentling his hand on
Jack, which drove Jack nuts.
“Yes. Do me!”
“Dinner and a
movie? Walks in the park? Concerts? Games?”
“Yes.
Dating. Is English not one of the languages you speak?” Jack
asked with awful politeness. “Do me. This is also not a
difficult concept.”
“It’s idiomatic,”
Daniel amended gently, easing the pressure to the barest brushing of
his fingertips. “Elaborate.”
“Engage in onanism
with me and don’t ever challenge me to Strip Scrabble. You’ll
lose.”
“I’ll see your
onanism and raise you tribady, so we can buy Travel Scrabble on the way
back to the B&B, and I’m doing you right now, Jack.”
“I want your hand on
me.”
“It’s not that I
don’t want to touch you, Jack,” Daniel said quietly, “but this…”
He caressed the taut denim. “Is so erotic. Seeing you lose
control like this – YOU.”
“You’ve seen me lose
control before. Hell, you’ve made me lose control before.”
“Not like
this.” Daniel couldn’t explain it, he didn’t want to kill the
mood, but there was no anger in Jack now, only pleasure and need for
something Daniel could give him. Daniel realised they’d lost
their way when they hadn’t acted on the attraction between them.
At least he had. He'd been lost since Sha'uri died and only when
he too came close to death did he realise how far he'd fallen down a
path he would never have chosen to take. He'd fallen - he'd been
ready to JUMP, but Jack had been there. Jack had come for
him when he had needed him most and it was as if the distance between
them had never existed. Jack hadn't apologised. He'd just
been there, as hard as he could. More than Daniel could take,
some days. They were closer than ever, each turning to the other
to give and share reassurance, comfort, empathy. Like an
old married couple, Daniel thought again. Surrendering to his own
need for sex with Jack had given him that edge back, the one he’d
missed so much, only now the passion would be expressed and shared, not
channelled. Or vented.
Daniel loosened the
button on Jack’s jeans, easing the zipper down carefully over the
bulging erection. Jack’s boy scout instincts had led him to
dispense with underwear so Daniel couldn’t think of another excuse to
delay. He nudged the jeans over Jack’s hips and got a good
handful of hot, throbbing flesh, flushed an angry red; heavy and
thumping in his palm as Jack arched lazily into him, catlike, groaning
his pleasure. Daniel sat absolutely still. “No,” he told
Jack emphatically. “No.” Not his ass. No way.
Jack’s eyes were
dangerous above a predatory, knowing smile. “Yes,” he drawled,
savouring the word. “Yes.”
“I’m never going to
want that,” Daniel denied firmly.
“You will, Danny,
believe me. There’s nothing quite like giving it up to another
guy,” Jack said deliberately. "It's been a while, but I'm up for
it. Just say the word." He grinned as Daniel started,
conscientiously retrieving Jack’s dick after dropping it. Having
Daniel’s hand on him was wonderful, but maybe he should have been a tad
more explicit and offered Danny some doing words. Like, move it
around. Stroke it. Lick it. Swallow it whole.
Whatever. Something.
Try to look like you
know what to do with it, Danny. It’s just context. You took
it out of my pants instead of yours. Take a minute. It’ll
come to you. And then it better come to me.
“You’ve been with a
guy?” Daniel asked weakly.
“I grew up in
Minnesota. As a wise woman once said, it’s the country. We
do things differently there, and we do them more often.” Jack
looked at his enthralled, slightly appalled audience. “I gave
guys up to get my wings, Daniel. I liked guys. I liked
girls. I liked SEX. Unfortunately, along the way I grew the
hell up, life got complicated, I stopped having sex and started making
love.”
“Oh. In that
case, I’ve never had sex.” Will got off with Daniel’s dazed and
hazy Chianti-fuelled assistance. Daniel hadn’t, but then Will
hadn’t been interested in what Daniel got out of it at first, and by
the time he was, Daniel resolutely wasn’t, and had booted him, so that
didn’t count. It couldn’t count. You couldn’t have sex and
not lose your virginity, and Daniel quite definitely hadn’t lost his
virginity. That was baaaad sex. He glared at Jack, his ‘0
for 2’. “I almost had sex last night, you inconsiderate shit.”
“Yell more, that
feels greeeaat,” Jack groaned. “That little shimmy, just, yeah,
just there. And feel free to pout.”
“Pout?” Daniel
asked, puzzled.
Jack clenched his
fingers over Daniel’s and urged him to forget about respectful and
considerate and just ring his bells, for cryin’ out loud. Jack
looked up at the pout in question. “Never mind,” he brushed it
off. Daniel had the poutiest, most kissable mouth on the planet
and a bizarre yet totally him line in polite masturbation. As
long as he kept his hand MOVING, who was Jack to mess with his
self-image?
“Do I have to deal
with some kind of lip fetish now?” Daniel persisted, slightly
alarmed. He was holding Jack’s penis in a strong clasp,
obediently gliding his hand up and down, gripping tightly all the
way. Jack was definitely enjoying it, even if he wanted it
rougher and Daniel thought this was too rough. He wanted to
caress and linger, and Jack wanted to howl and bite chunks out of the
tree trunk. Or Daniel’s ass; he couldn’t decide. They were
going to have to find a way to compromise. Maybe after Jack
wrestled him to the ground for round two or three they could try this
Daniel’s way.
Jack seemed happy
with his way; in fact he was positively abandoned, rocking wantonly
into Daniel’s hand, groaning happily, a sleek, greedy pleasure sound
Daniel recognised from this morning, when ‘0’ segued into ‘Ooooh
God’. Jack wasn’t worried at all about letting himself go in
front of Daniel, which was maybe why Jack hadn’t realised Daniel had a
big problem with Jack just wrestling him to the bed like that.
Not a case of intent on Jack’s part, just a miscommunication. It
hadn’t occurred to Jack that the last time Daniel had gone to bed with
anyone had been with his wife on Abydos, and that was four years and
what felt like a lifetime away.
“You’ve never had
sex?” Jack rallied his few fugitive functioning brain cells.
“That bitch Shyla?”
That was all hazy,
but no, Daniel was sure on that one. “Royalty,” he said
repressively. That tended to go hand in hand with grave concern
over stuff like succession and dowries, and verifiable virginity.
Shyla wasn’t about to give him anything before the ring slid through
his nose. “Please don’t start on Ke’ra again,” he asked
wearily. A little consensual kissing and mutual comfort was also
not a biggie, even if it was with the Destroyer of Worlds. They
had both been too conscious of the fact she really could have a husband
out there she’d have to face in a couple of days, and he was RAW.
Daniel’s passion had been about the injustice of Jack’s selfish
determination to erase the consequences of his own error of
judgement. Jack had wanted Linea dead and buried, clean and
simple in his mind, but he didn’t see Ke’ra at all. Daniel
straightened up, his hand stilling. Jack glared at him and
wriggled pointedly. “Were you jealous…”
“There’s nothing I
can say you’ll want to hear,” Jack said matter-of-factly. “Except
maybe, what’s your position on oral sex?”
“Not in public!”
“Pfffft. In
bed.”
“Oh.”
“That ‘oh’ sounds
promising. Sounds like a bad desire to me. Spill,” Jack
ordered, smirking as Daniel blushed and looked at him
apologetically. Daniel mumbled something about Jack’s dress
blues. “I do have some respect for the uniform,” Jack tried for
dignified disapproval.
“I thought you
signed up for fast jets and big guns with lots of bullets?” Daniel
rallied.
“If you reciprocate
in that suit, I’ll throw in the shades,” Jack offered generously.
“The hot one.” That sleek, black, sex in a suit look…woo momma!
“I have a hot suit?”
Daniel brightened a little. He knew the one. It was his
favourite too. If Jack thought Daniel looked hot in it…he'd never
considered tweed sexy, but for Jack…
“You have a hot
everything,” Jack gloated offensively. Daniel’s hand was moving
quicker, more confidently; clever, sensitive fingers seeking out hot
spots, pulling the pleasure out of him, lazy ripples focusing,
quickening, intensifying. SLAMMING. Jack convulsed,
snorting over Daniel’s bemusement as his dick jerked, the slick semen
slowly pulsing out over his hand. Jack closed his eyes for the
freefall…
“It’s different
without the Chianti,” Daniel muttered distractedly.
Huh?
Jack had made it
clear to Daniel he wasn’t going to let him be, which meant Daniel now
had his back against the tree-trunk and Jack’s head in his lap.
He was doing the martyred S.O. act so well, Jack was seriously thinking
about going down on him right here in retaliation.
“I don’t do
this. Alfresco sex. I just don’t,” Daniel admitted,
bewildered. “A couple of times in tombs, but…”
“I’m irresistible,”
Jack observed complacently, making himself a smidgeon more
comfortable. Tombs? Hmm. That was doable. That
was quite definitely doable. Hot and hard off-world quickie tomb
sex beckoned.
“Do you want me to
give you the sweater?” Daniel asked politely as Jack snuggled, smirked
and fondled. “In fact, do you have a thing for sheep you’re not
telling me about? Because I’m telling you; I don’t baa for anyone.”
“I can’t tell you
what images that brings to mind,” Jack snorted. “In case it
scares you off. You’ve got a choice here, cara mia; stay up there
and talk or get down here and expand your repertoire of kinky sex acts.”
“No sex,” Daniel
refused emphatically. “You’ll scare the hikers.” He had to
admit getting down and dirty with Jack sounded good, but he settled for
just getting down. “No fondling,” he warned as he stretched out
cautiously next to Jack. “Or groping or any synonym
thereof. And confine your oral activities to speech.”
“Why the hell did we
buy the blanket if it wasn’t for nasty sticky alfresco sex?” Jack
complained, plucking off Daniel’s glasses and blithely ignoring the
negative in favour of accentuating the positive, confining his oral
activities to speaking in tongues; a slow, deep kiss that had Daniel
wrapped around him and clinging sixty seconds in. And counting.
Jack kept his eyes
open so he could look his fill. Daniel was just impossible,
unforgivably unattainable and not because he was the wunderkind; he’d
never made Jack feel like he was too stupid to live. He was
impossible because he was Jack’s friend and friends – men - weren’t
supposed to be this beautiful, not this way. Jack had been
bewildered for a long time over the way Daniel’s face dimmed Carter’s
to pretty, and when he finally understood why, it was too late for
him. He’d realised what he felt for Daniel when he saw in
Carter’s eyes what she felt for him, what she couldn’t hide from him,
trapped on the other side of that force field. He’d recognised
that same IMPOSSIBLE need and desire in himself and he went a little
crazy over it because he never wanted to look at Daniel that way; not
his friend. He hadn't had the balls to face that, no more ready
to face likely rejection than he was to risk what they had as
friends. He'd channelled all that WANT into being Daniel's
friend. He'd done a helluva job, too. Daniel hadn't had a
CLUE he was in love until he'd blurted it out like a horny , okay,
okay, love-struck teenager.
Having the
unattainable land in his lap was something he suspected he was going to
be adjusting to forever. Daniel was far from the perfect
package. Beauty didn’t always go with innate sexual confidence,
and beauty in this case required a lover who wasn’t alarmed by plaid or
by excited, erudite exposition triggered by God alone knew what
next. Preferably one who could also keep a lid on all the crap in
his own psyche once they walked off the mountain because his S.O.
WORRIED about him.
Jack had to laugh
when Daniel broke his own rule on groping and insinuated a thigh
between Jack’s, rubbing hypnotically against his dick as the kiss
deepened. Daniel was totally, innocently impossible and Jack was
way too old and weighed down by responsibility to be this
hormonal. It took him a few seconds to sort out the logistics of
two tall guys, both of whom were mostly leg, but they curled up again
with his thigh rubbing Daniel’s dick too. Daniel seemed content
to get tangled up and turned on, but he was uncomfortable with the idea
of making love in the great outdoors so Jack settled for his hands on
Daniel’s bare skin beneath the sweater and didn’t push the rest.
Daniel rubbing and writhing against him, sweetly sighing his pleasure
into the kiss was pretty great in fact.
Daniel found it hard
to think with Jack’s tongue in his mouth and his hands on Jack’s warm
skin, stretched tight over his ribs. He wasn’t prepared for the
question when it came, not the way Jack was feasting on his throat and
stroking his nipples in a way that shocked straight down to his
groin. “Yes,” Daniel groaned, nipping at Jack’s throat in turn.
“Why?”
“Whaa-what?” Daniel
pulled himself together and as far away as Jack let him get.
“Why did Laidlaw hit
you?” Jack asked patiently. “And how often?”
“He didn’t,” Daniel
said automatically. “I could usually…I mean…”
“I always wondered
about you, Daniel. You’ve never been weedy, never been
weak. That’s what you showed everybody because it’s easier to
have people think you can’t instead of you won’t, huh? I thought,
and I knew when Kawalsky knocked you on your ass and you just went
down. I knew you were a man who understood violence and that gave
us one thing in common,” Jack said quietly. “Just that one damn
thing.”
Daniel took a
steadying breath. “The same way I know why you blamed yourself
for Charlie,” he said carefully, ready for Jack to freeze him
out. “You never let him play with guns,” he went on respectfully
when Jack seemed to be listening. “And doing what you do, you
made them glamorous to him. You didn’t want him to see the
reality of what you did, so you never taught him to respect.”
“People get as far
as it being my gun that killed him, and that’s all the blame they can
stand. Even Sara couldn’t see past that.” Jack was touched
when Daniel rubbed his cheek caressingly against Jack’s.
“Can’t you let it
go, Jack?” Daniel asked softly, hurting for him.
“No. I can’t,
Daniel, I truly can’t. Every fucking Happy Meal I missed, Sara
was talking Charlie up a storm about how Dad loved him, how Dad was
sorry he couldn’t be there because Dad was off saving the world,” Jack
said bitterly. “Again. It would have been easier if I’d
just let him hate me for not being there. I didn’t have to be the
fucking hero.” He’d killed his son because he couldn’t bear to
disappoint him. Big cosmic fucking joke there, huh? The
kind you don’t get over, not ever.
“I didn’t have to be
the fucking victim,” Daniel riposted. “It just keeps turning out
that way.”
“I know.” Jack
returned the convulsive hug. “God damn you for daring to be
different, anyway,” he said ironically. “I wasn’t
different. I was typical. You could throw a stone down the
hallway of my school and hit twenty more just like me. I was
pretty good at sports, but not the best, not the star. Pretty
good in class. I had to be, unfortunately, or I could have kissed
the Air Force goodbye. I put in the minimum amount of effort
required for everything and absolutely nothing interesting happened to
me at school. I was the original common denominator.
Whereas you?” he prompted, stirring Daniel.
“I hated school,”
Daniel confessed. “I loved to learn but had to endure
school. Teachers don’t like over-achievers. They don't like
you reading outside the prescribed curriculum and they don’t like a lot
of questions, especially questions they can’t answer. They don’t
mind bright, bright makes them look good, but they like quiet kids who
give them no problems.”
“I’m in total shock
here. You weren’t quiet? Strange. You were pretty
damned quiet when I met you,” Jack said lightly.
“I got to be that
way.” Daniel untangled himself and rolled over on the blanket,
chin propped on his hands as Jack stretched out alongside him. “I
asked too many questions, I asked the wrong questions and I had the
temerity to disagree with the answers I was given. I never had an
inspirational teacher until I went to college. I didn’t BREATHE
until I went to college,” he mused. “I dreamed of it, Jack.
I dreamed of freedom and people who thought like I did, felt like I
did,” he mumbled into his hands, embarrassed.
Had the same kind of
passion he did, Jack thought. “You were too smart for them,
too.” He was certain of that, didn’t need the quick betraying
flush to know. Daniel was smarter than Carter and Carter knew it
too. Daniel had said Rothman was also a smart guy but Jack had
never seen much evidence of it apart from the doctor in front of his
name. “If it’s any consolation, I graduated top of my flight
class so I know how that goes. I liked jet planes like I liked
sex.”
“I’m saying nothing
about your skill at either,” Daniel said primly, ignoring Jack’s
pantomime hurt look.
“I was Top Gun so
I’ll draw my own conclusions about the sex,” Jack gloated. He
propped himself on his elbow, stroking Daniel’s tense back. “How
hard a time did you have at school?” he asked soberly. Daniel
looked up at him bleakly. “That good, huh?” He kept up the
petting and soothing. Jack had found school a distraction, no
more, no less. “From kids like me?” he asked, hoping not.
“Some,” Daniel
admitted in a stifled voice, determinedly looking away from Jack.
“It isn’t easy to skip grades, to be the youngest and the
smartest. To be different. Losing my parents was difference
enough, I didn’t need everything else on top of that.”
“Did you hate Nick?”
“Sometimes.”
Daniel turned his face towards Jack. “Do you know how hard it is
not to let yourself want things you know you can’t have? The kind
of discipline that takes?”
“I know exactly what
kind of discipline that takes. I’ve wanted you long enough,” Jack
answered dryly. Daniel reached out to cup his face, smiling a
little.
“Did you have that
discipline when you were nine, Jack?" Daniel asked. He felt
guilty for the way Jack's face twisted, his quiet sorrow for something
he couldn't fix. "It’s easier to have the perverse pride of
saying I don’t want than facing I can’t have, and it’s hard to break
that habit," he awkwardly tried to explain. "I’d never owned
anything except my books until I started working for the SGC. My
apartment was rented furnished. When I lost that, I lost
everything except my books. Almost the last cent I had went on
putting them into storage.” He grinned at Jack suddenly. “I was
still a student when we met. The ink wasn’t dry on my second
doctorate when my work was debunked and my ass was on the pavement next
to Catherine’s limousine. The wet pavement. All that stuff
you were teasing me about in my journal? About not getting
paid? You have no idea. Seriously. Research fellows
are paid peanuts. You have to have killer instincts to get
tenure, but I…”
“Asked questions,
asked the wrong questions, had the temerity to disagree with the
answers you were given?”
“I thought the work
would be enough,” Daniel sighed. “I learned about people, but
I’ve never learned that lesson.”
“You love people,”
Jack was surprised.
“I know people,”
Daniel corrected him. “You want to know the fundamental
difference between Sam and me? It’s empathy. You have to
experience something before you can empathise with others. Sam is
rigid because she hasn’t had much experience, Jack. She left
school and joined the Air Force, and she’s had the protection of the
Air Force and a hierarchical command structure her whole adult
life. Where Sam has personal experience to draw on, she can reach
out. Where she doesn’t…” Daniel shrugged.
“I had two choices,"
he went on. "I could let people like Will ruin me, or I could…I
could be true to myself. You really have to know how something
hurts to understand it, and how you respond to that kind of pain is
your choice. You can lash out in return at the time, which might
feel good, but then how are you any different from the one who hurt
you? Or you can learn from it. I chose to learn.”
Daniel let Jack pull him back into a hug, grateful for the warmth, and
Jack's solid comforting support. “I can’t hurt other people,
Jack, not intentionally. I’ve been on the receiving end too often
to let myself do that. The only thing I hate is a bully. I
know what…” he looked up at Jack helplessly. “I know…”
He knew about fear
and the constant bewilderment and of wondering just what he’d done that
was so bad, so wrong it brought people like Will down on him. Why
could you not be your own person, make your own way and just be left
alone? He didn't hurt anyone, didn't get in their way. What
difference did he make to their lives? He knew what a difference
they made to his, though. He was still living with
it. He knew how hard it had been to see himself clear, to
not hate in himself the differences that made him a target. Being
victimised did not make him a victim. He’d fought back against
the shame of it, every day, every way he could. He’d used
everything, all the feelings, all the lessons in pettiness and power
and it drove him on.
It still did.
Trust was Sha’uri’s gift to him, the ability to put his faith in
another person, to open himself up again to the possibility of
disappointment or betrayal. The Abydonians had given him the
first true home he’d know since his parents died, celebrating the
differences between them, learning from him as he learned from them,
accepting.
Daniel had lowered
his guard and it had brought him here, to this man. Jack had been
part of it too, connecting with himself again and making his choice to
live in that brief moment of oneness they’d had on Abydos, and it was
for Jack’s sake Daniel had unburied the gate. He wouldn’t have
done it for anyone but Jack, he trusted Jack. In the end they’d
both been choiceless. Jack couldn’t let them die to protect a lie and
Daniel couldn’t leave that gate buried when Jack sent through the
message. He’d wanted Jack, wanted him with an intensity that
surprised him and alarmed Sha’uri. The irony was, he would have
lost Sha’uri either way, to the bomb or to the unburying of the gate.
Strange that both
Jack and the general accepted blame for that and wouldn’t let him share
it. In George’s mind it was his order and it was that
simple. Jack had admitted in a drunken, hugging stupor after
Daniel’s run in with Nem that he’d missed Daniel too. He felt
guilty for sending the tissue box, for knowing just what would it would
take to get Daniel to drop his guard. He felt more guilty for
being happy to have Daniel back. To take Daniel back. He
hadn’t thought about Sha’uri at all until she was right in front of him
in the gateroom on Abydos. In fact…
“Just how long have
you been wanting to have sex with me anyway?” Daniel asked suspiciously.
“That’s a loaded
question,” Jack replied carefully. Daniel looked like he had
Intel Jack didn’t. “A while,” he said evasively.
“Jack?”
“On and off, just
these odd…twinges…now and again,” Jack muttered.
“How long?” Daniel
prodded Jack in the ribs.
“A few years,” Jack
snarled.
“Twinges?”
That wasn’t exactly flattering. Was Daniel like an itch that
couldn’t be scratched?
“You know,” Jack
said sullenly.
“I don’t know,”
Daniel denied emphatically. He’d thought Jack was hot for just
under twenty-four hours.
“Twinges like
noticing you’re hot when you’re wet and…er…sprawling. Twinges
like ‘My God, look at the ass on that!’” Jack quoted, glaring at
him. “Occasionally, ‘Back off bitch, he’s mine’,” he admitted in
as dignified a manner as possible, not feeling any burning desire to
mention that twinge included Carter from time to time. “Typical
guy stuff,” he insisted defiantly.
“That’s…that’s…”
Daniel stuttered.
“Different without
the Chianti?” Jack snapped.
“I’m not drinking
that,” Daniel said coldly, glaring accusingly at the bottle. “And
I’m not talking. I didn’t mean to talk this afternoon, but it’s
hard to refuse a man with his hand on your…your…oh, Jack, oh, God, oh…”
“Good?” Jack took
another swig of Chianti and just kept rubbing. Daniel was right,
it was very erotic to just keep on gently massaging another guy’s dick
through his pants.
It was only three in
the afternoon but they’d agreed an early night was exactly what they
needed.
He thoroughly
approved of these thin navy sweats Daniel had changed into when they
got back to the B&B, and the old grey T-shirt was too short and too
tight. Jack had an eyeful of golden skin and the gentle swell of
muscle focusing his eye right on Daniel’s navel. He had to nudge
the pants down to just bare Daniel’s hips, but less was definitely more
when Daniel was moaning and quivering like this, his hand tight over
Jack’s, deepening the maddeningly deliberate pressure.
Jack stretched out
at Daniel’s side, leaning in to kiss him, a sweet Chianti flavoured
kiss. He chuckled when both Daniel’s hands gripped his and Daniel
began to rock up into his palm, the thin fabric soaking through now.
“Chianti?” Jack
whispered, nibbling Daniel’s ear.
“Bastard.”
Jack slowed his
massage. Daniel snarled at him wordlessly. He drizzled some
of the Chianti across Daniel’s belly and scooted down to nuzzle at it,
swiping his tongue over the warm, trembling silken skin. “I want
to fuck you,” he groaned.
“Too soon, Jack,”
Daniel gasped as Jack’s tongue delved into his navel. “S-sorry.”
“Hey! Don’t
be,” Jack said at once. “Me wanting to doesn’t mean you having
to. 'The relationship isn’t consummated until we fuck' thing is
bull. The relationship was pretty much a done deal when I shoved
you through the bedroom door and kissed you.”
Daniel thought his
spine was melting. He was totally embarrassed by the goofy smile
plastered all over his face, but Jack brightened visibly and headed
back up for a kiss. Daniel strongly suspected Jack liked using
his strength and weight to pin him flat. He was slightly annoyed
with himself because he liked it too. In fact…he thrust up a hint
Jack could get a lot more pro-active about this. He was so
aroused he couldn’t see straight. Literally. He was giddy
with pleasure. “I really like the massage,” he asked
hopefully. “Mmmm,” he moaned, arching up wantonly as Jack obliged
him and indulged in a little podalic massage too, toes caressing the
arch of his foot. Daniel’s own toes were curling.
“Can’t I?” he asked,
stroking his hand over Jack’s stomach. It seemed only polite to
share the toe-curling.
“I’ve got ten years
on the clock and more hormones than I know what to do with right now,”
Jack snorted. “I’m good. I’m better than good. I’m
totally getting off on seeing you like this.”
“Horny?” Daniel
suggested, grinning as Jack leered at him. Well, what could it
hurt? He trusted Jack, and this had happened so long ago…”I kind
of had sex with a guy," he confided as Jack touched him just
right. "Kind of as in, he did and I…kind of…didn’t.”
“What?” Jack
stiffened. “When?” he asked slowly.
“In school.”
“That gives us a
window of about fifteen years!” Jack’s hand stilled.
Daniel’s started it moving again. “Was it that Rayner guy?
I never liked him. He…”
“No. Steven?”
Daniel mumbled, frowning.
“Never mind,” Jack
said instantly as Daniel opened drowsy, bewildered eyes. He
decided he needed a proportional response to way TMI here, didn’t want
Daniel realising he was the jealous type or anything; slipped his hand
into the sweats and found the sweet spot on the underside of Daniel’s
dick that had him curling reflexively into a ball of orgasmic goo, his
breath catching as he gamely tried to investigate further. “Who?”
Jack decided hypnotically caressing a guy’s sweet spot worked just as
well as that hokey look into my eyes thing. “Who?” he crooned.
“Will,” Daniel
sighed, closing his eyes as his mind began to spin along with the room.
Jack had to fight
not to freeze, to keep the mood for Daniel's sake, drowsy, vulnerable
and trusting him completely here. Will? School as in high
school? Bastard Laidlaw!
Jack brushed his
thumb over the head of Daniel’s penis, let the groan fade to whimpers
and leaned in to kiss Daniel’s ear. “When?” he asked gently.
“Christmas.”
“I’ll bet it was,”
Jack snarled. Ah, Danny.
“It was baaaad,”
Daniel groaned. “More, please.”
“This?” Jack pressed
in with his thumb and Daniel whimpered.
“Gooood.”
“He didn’t,
er…that’s not why you’re…” he asked awkwardly. “You went a
little…er…” What was a tactful way to say panicked?
“Nuts. Last night,” he added helpfully. “When I…when we got
into bed.”
“Last time you had
me flat on my back…more, please, Jack, just…God, more…”
Jack gave him more
and cleared his throat meaningfully. He gave up as Daniel started
shuddering from head to foot, his dick pulsing steadily in Jack’s hand
as he came and came. Jack held on until Daniel stilled, then
undressed him completely, shucked his own jeans and pulled the covers
over them both, Daniel gravitating towards his arms, single-mindedly
squirming and wriggling until he got comfortable, sighing
contentedly. Jack got a passionate thank you kiss that made it as
far as his collarbone. “Last time I had you flat on your back
I…?” he prompted as Daniel’s breathing slowed, just catching him,
guy-like, on the cusp of sleep.
“You beat the shit
out of meeee.”
“Whale, W-H-A-L-E,”
Jack spelled out, every consonant dripping ‘marine mammal’ and no other
connotation whatsoever. He stared at his opponent, who had chosen
now of all times to decide he was perfectly comfortable naked and
sprawly in bed with Jack. Given Daniel was naked and sprawly
against Jack’s chest, with the game on a tea tray Abe had rustled up
for a very reasonable by the hour rental fee after insisting that as
Jack's clothes were in the other room they could go right on paying for
it, secrecy was being maintained by hands over eyes. More or
less. Both of them were kind of aiming low. About two feet
low, plus some very distracting wriggling from Daniel.
“Verberate,
V-E-R-B-E-R-A-T-the E from ‘whale’,” Daniel spelled rapidly.
“And that means…”
Jack prompted.
“Same thing as
whale,” Daniel admitted reluctantly.
“After hammer,
knout, maul, punch, strike and vapulate, I have to say I’m sensing a
pattern here,” Jack observed mildly.
“Coincidence,”
Daniel denied crisply. “It was years ago,” he added reassuringly.
“What was years
ago?” Jack pounced.
“Nothing,” Daniel
said feebly.
“Boy, you really
know how to hold a grudge, don’t you, Jackson?” Jack complained
bitterly.
Daniel reached out
one careful finger and tapped the board precisely.
“Ah, yes,” Jack said
brightly. “I forgot stoned.”
“Hungry,” Daniel
announced, scrambling off the bed to make for the food that originally
came with the tray, before Abe had scented a potential market and
redeployed it as a mobile entertainment centre. “If I’d known you
were going to sulk, I would have stuck with ‘Snakes & Ladders’,” he
grumbled.
“If I’d know you
were going to sublimate, I would’ve…”
“Scones!”
“Scones?” Jack
queried. “We’ve got English food?”
“Cherry scones!”
Daniel held up a heaped plate for inspection. “With what appear
to be Abe-made cherry preserves and fresh cream.”
Jack saw potential
in all the named food groups and graciously made room for Daniel to
sprawl across the bed beside him, the tray in reach on the floor
below. This meant he had both Daniel and the goodies within
licking distance. “Biscuits are better,” Jack bitched
unconvincingly. “Scones are un-American.”
“I’ve been to
England. In fact I’ve been to Wales too, and trust me, I know a
scone when I see one,” Daniel gloated. He spooned on preserves
and cream, took a cautious bite and chewed beatifically as Jack watched
him anxiously.
“The cream looks
funny.”
“Oh, dear God,”
Daniel moaned ecstatically. “It doesn’t just look like clotted
cream. It is clotted cream.”
“Don’t rush!
Savour. This shit is probably going to set us back more than the
room-S,” Jack warned. When Daniel tried to catch a fugitive
splash of cream with his tongue, Jack lent an assist. “Whoa.”
“Wow,” Daniel agreed
happily.
“It looks like shit
but it tastes like…Mmm,” Jack sighed as he got to share a sweet,
exuberant mouthful of cherry preserve, cream and tongue. “You are
what you eat,” he sniggered, rolling onto his back, arms held
wide. Daniel looked up at him hesitantly, then obviously decided
he really did mean it was teatime, and politely spooned preserves onto
his chest. Jack sensed he was going to have to make Daniel stop
with the Martha Stewart stuff during sex. Sex was supposed to be
gloriously sticky and stupid and fun. Daniel had it in him to be
all of these things, so it was up to Jack to bring them out of him.
Daniel found himself
tongue to nipple with the Jack a la Crème Interactive
Experience. He’d certainly eaten clotted cream before but the
passionate ass groping was new. He settled down to some serious
suckling, conscientiously nudging the cream over with his tongue just
in case he…not that Jack seemed to mind…in fact…
“Baaaa.”
“Jack!”
“Baaaaaaaa.”
Daniel
groaned. How could a baad sheep impression sound so damned smutty?
“Daniel?” Jack asked
with exquisite politeness.
“Jack?” Daniel asked
suspiciously.
“I wanna be
baaaaaaaa-d," Jack murmured dulcetly, clasping Daniel fondly to his
bosom just as Daniel spooned on more preserves. And cream.
Sticky. Messy. Fun.
"Ewww," Daniel
whined, making a desperate, doomed bid for freedom. Jack let him
get just far enough away to use the leverage to tumble him onto his
back and rub enthusiastically all over him. Jack also seemed to
enjoy mashing him flat as he strained to reach scone Shangri-la, which
took twice as long as it would have to get off of Daniel and go fetch
it.
Not that that was
the point. Daniel looked up at Jack's virgin scone. He
looked at the…mess…all over them both. "That's disgusting," he
protested for the record as Jack chuckled malevolently, closing in to
molest him with the scone regardless. "I was just thinking how
mature you were too," Daniel sighed as Jack scooped, licked, slurped,
nibbled and nuzzled, six-two of solid gloat, grazing happily.
"Mmmphure?"
"I thought you'd go
ape over Will," Daniel confided, blaming a momentary lapse in his
survival instinct for the long dreamy kiss he pulled Jack into.
He didn't want to offer anything that could be construed as
encouragement for Jack to use him as a dessert, but he was in the
mood. Jack did say he was saving his hormones for later, and this
was later and…Daniel pushed up and Jack obligingly rolled onto his
back, smiling up at him in a way that made him giddy and a little
breathless. And flushed. He really had to stop with the
blushing. He was thirty six, not sixteen. And he was in the
mood.
Jack looked up
cautiously as Daniel settled down to a thorough exploration of his
body, seemingly fascinated by stuff like hair and biceps. The guy
stuff. Jack sighed. Daniel was absolutely convinced he and
Jack were on the same page in the mature acceptance book. Daniel
couldn't be more wrong, but he didn't know that. "So? How'd
it happen?" Jack asked casually, stroking over Daniel's shoulders as he
cruised down to count ribs or something. "With Laidlaw?" Jack
kept his tone light and natural. "It was Christmas, and
what? Alcohol passed your lips for the first time?"
"I tried the beer
and didn't like it," Daniel muttered distractedly. Jesus, Jack
was big. Positively abundant. "So we switched to Chianti
Will filched from the kitchen."
"Where was Annie?"
"At a party with the
neighbours." Jack's navel was niiiiice. In fact all those
muscles were…"Mmm." Warm and sleek, moving beneath his questing
mouth. "Mmmmmm."
"Mmm
backatcha. Laidlaw?" Jack gently persisted. They were
definitely getting into it, so the interrogation was on the
clock. "Why Laidlaw?"
"Mmmmmm," Daniel
sighed. "He was just lousy at…I hadn't even done it before and I
was drunk and I still knew he was lousy. He hadn't seemed to
grasp there were two people." He looked up, abruptly leaving off
the tongue bath he was lavishing on Jack's navel. Jack went from
sighing to snarling in about a nanosecond.
"That's a talented
mouth. Lick and talk at the same time," Jack ordered briskly,
urging Daniel's head back down to where it should be. Daniel bit
him playfully and sat right back up.
"I decided I didn't
really like guys on the strength of it. Not that I wasn't open, I
just never met one who did anything for me. I liked women."
"Me too," Jack
grinned, biting back the urge to shake Daniel 'til he turned blue and
spilled for Chrissake. He seemed to have Daniel completely fooled
for now about the mature acceptance thing and every instinct was
screaming at him to keep it reined in and beat the ever-loving fuck out
of Laidlaw first chance he got. In private. Daniel said
'baaaad' and Jack's gut told him that meant bad.
"I like sex," Daniel
admitted, chuckling. He'd never gotten a whole lot of it; a year
or so with Sarah in a relationship that was ultimately about control
issues, and his time with Sha'uri, warm, wonderful and over so quickly
it still cut him to the bone when he least expected. If you
wanted to talk about halcyon, then that was his life on Abydos, the
first time after his parents died that he fit. Daniel straddled
Jack, waiting for Jack's hands to skim over his thighs. He was
struck all over again by the incongruity of seeing his penis swelling
slowly against Jack's skin, feeling the heat and pressure of Jack's own
erection rubbing against his ass as Jack moved lazily beneath him.
Thinking about it,
Daniel realised he fit with SG-1 both professionally and personally,
the only time in his life he'd accomplished that, been fulfilled in
every way. Sarah had been challenging, always pushing him to be
something he wasn't, both professionally and in their personal
lives. She'd never just let him be. On Abydos, he'd had the
family he'd longed for, but his frustration at not being able to share
his discoveries, of his work being unimportant in the endeavour to
simply survive, had prevented him from being truly happy.
Daniel…fit with
Jack. With Jack, he had everything. Friendship, respect,
countless opportunities to learn, share and make a difference,
something he admitted to himself he was becoming addicted to. And
Jack loved him. More, was in love with him. That was
something Daniel had never looked for, never imagined was
possible. Open or not, he'd never thought Jack would see him this
way. In fact, he's been so sure Jack wouldn't, he'd never let
himself entertain the possibility. Now he had Jack, he was sure
of him, and he wasn't about to let him go.
It didn't look like
Jack was about to let go of him any time soon either. In fact,
Jack had him pretty firmly in hand. "I thought you said I had a
talented mouth?" Daniel drawled meaningfully. He'd never done
this before but he liked to think he was open too. Jack's penis
jerked against his ass, which had them both laughing. Daniel was
aware his face was burning. "I'll take that as a 'yes' then," he
teased, slithering down again to…er…go down on Jack.
"Just do what you
feel comfortable doing," Jack warned. "We're not out to win any
kind of sexual gymnastics medals. This is supposed to be
fun. If it's not…" he shrugged. "Do I need to say
stop? Oh, and don't mistake passiveness on my part for lack of
interest," he added wryly. "The thought of having your mouth on
me is ringing every bell I've got, believe me. A few too many, if
you catch my drift." Daniel was looking gravely at him.
"Oh, and another…"
"Shut up, Jack,"
Daniel ordered him fondly. "I've been hearing that tone of voice
since you loaned me your pants that first night back. There seems
to be some confusion over whether you owned the pants or my ass,
because you've never stopped ordering me around since. 'No,
Daniel, brace it against your shoulder, remember the recoil'," Daniel
quoted in a 'patient' voice. "'Don't sit there counting; pick
your target, pull the pin and throw it'." What else? "Oh,
this one is…"
"Ah, blow me!" Jack
hooted. "I was professional, not possessive." He avoided
Daniel's eyes, knowing perfectly well he was on shaky ground with this
one. He was also on shaky ground with jealous, but Daniel was
confiding in Jack in the serene conviction it was perfectly safe to do
so. Jack wasn't about to disappoint him with the truth, so he was
going to keep right on lying with a smile on his face and, from time to
time, probably murder in his heart. Jack propped himself up on
the pillows to watch as Daniel checked out the lay of the land, decided
he could definitely do this and just launched right in.
It was totally
fucking amazing; Daniel's sensitive fingers, warm and restlessly curved
over his parted thighs, the sunlight glinting off Daniel's hair as he
leaned in, nervously glancing up to Jack, testing, tasting and teasing
as he flickered the tip of his tongue over the head of Jack's dick.
"Licking is good,"
Jack called instantly. "Keep licking!" Assertive was
good. Licking was better. Way better. "Aww, craaaap,"
he groaned as Daniel took heart and took him at his word and licked
everything. Jack had to fight himself to stillness as that warm,
wet tongue lapped delicately over his bursting erection. He
really had to fight because it felt incredible, because Daniel's
generosity was incredible and because Daniel was nervous, so nervous he
flinched back every time Jack's hips moved beneath him.
"Danny? Why don't you rest yourself across my legs?" he suggested
gently. The extra weight would help keep his ass flat on the
mattress where it belonged, and maybe with a little more control,
Daniel would relax. And suck. Sucking was good.
"That…" Jack swallowed as Daniel cautiously took his dick into his
mouth and sucked gently, looking up to see if that was good. Jack
gave him a thumbs up and a groan that boiled up from the tips of his
toes. "Oy!"
Daniel felt a lot
better about his amateurish performance as Jack finally lay back,
moaning encouragingly. He was definitely not going to win any
medals for technique, not any time soon. He was annoyed with
himself for freezing when Jack's fingers tangled in his hair, but
relaxed. Jack wasn't holding him, just idly stroking his hair.
Daniel was sucking
slowly, taking Jack's advice to heart that he should worry about what
felt good to him. Having Jack in his mouth did feel good,
surprisingly good. The tactile sensations of heat and hardness,
the throb and pulse of the blood, hot against his swiping tongue, even
the tiny tremors and twitches as he gave Jack pleasure. Jack's
constant murmur of reassurance and…well…praise was soothing white
noise. Daniel knew he wasn't going to be able to bring Jack to
orgasm this way. Jack was as 'ebullient' here as he was
elsewhere; basically the man was just big all over. Daniel's
mouth was filled to the point of discomfort with just this little…Sarah
had always been able to take all of him in and now he didn't have a
goddamn clue how she'd managed that. She'd obviously had more
practice than it had ever crossed his mind to expect was necessary.
He wasn't ready for
the bitter liquid oozing into his throat but swallowed, happy he was
doing something right. Which was kind of a shame, because having
worked out what felt good for Jack, he was really going to have to stop
now because his jaw was locking.
"Sorry," he winced,
pulling away, embarrassed and not sure what to do for Jack now.
"For what, exactly?"
Jack smiled back at him, eyes glittering. "Get up here."
He held out his
hands and Daniel allowed himself to be drawn up and into a kiss, Jack
opening to him eagerly. Daniel got a subtle clue what he
could do for Jack when he bit down on Daniel's tongue, snorting with
laughter, and wrapped those incredibly long, muscular legs around
Daniel's back.
"Let's rock and
roll," Jack ordered, arching up lazily as Daniel thrust into him.
He wrapped his arms tight around Daniel's strong, smooth, supple body,
so different than his own. Jack was aware he was spreading.
As hard as they all worked, he was getting old. He sagged, here
and there. Daniel was…Daniel was blushing. "What?"
"I was just
thinking…"
"Don't!" Jack called
dramatically. "Just don't. No thinking during sex.
Just fun."
"I wish I'd known
all this was under that uniform," Daniel grinned at him.
"All this?" Jack
asked sadly.
"I've always thought
you were attractive, and technically I do have a picture of you in my
locker…"
"You do?" Jack
beamed at him. "That's encouragingly sappy and perverted."
"It's the one you
gave us as a visual aid to help the newly formed team pick you out of a
crowd, you being the shy, retiring type," Daniel solemnly
announced. "You remember? I said at the time all we needed
to do was look for the smug bastard with the big gun."
"Oh."
"I'm not saying the
hat…"
"Cap."
"Isn't great, but if
you'd given me a shot where you were butt naked apart from the hat we
could have been having sex a lot sooner."
"You want naked
colonel pictures in your locker?"
"I want the naked
colonel in my bed," Daniel corrected primly. He was astonished
when Jack flushed, snatching a kiss that got away from them as Jack
held onto him. He had the rhythm of it now, his rocking rough and
steady, rolling his hips to pound into Jack's over and over.
Daniel loved the way his skin slid over Jack's, the sweat making them
both slippery, the crisp, coarse hair chafing at him as they moved
against one another. He was watching Jack, intent and focused on
giving him pleasure, taking his own in what he saw in the beet-red
face, the tight grimace as Jack's control slipped and he bucked and
heaved up into Daniel, trying to take control, to have his way.
Daniel grabbed his wrists and slammed them back down to the pillows,
scowling.
Jack laughed up at
him and strained up to snatch another kiss. "Typical guy," he
complained. "Only concerned with your own selfish pleasure."
Yes. Oh,
yes. For once, Daniel intended to have his way. He lost his
smoothness, lost his rhythm and slammed into Jack's waiting, willing
body when he put a name to the whatever-this-was between them.
Lovers.
He and Jack were
lovers.
Daniel threw back
his head and came.
"You're trying to
stake your claim," Daniel brooded darkly as Jack enthusiastically
washed his back. Butt. Back. It changed from moment
to moment and seemed to be taking forever. Jack was lingering
blatantly. "Fucking me, I mean," he elaborated.
"Is that an
invitation?" Jack whispered throatily, crowding against Daniel to lick
the nape of his neck. "I love to fuck in the morning."
"No," Daniel said
weakly, treacherous curiosity shivering through him. He'd come
more often in the past two days than he could remember coming in his
life. He'd been all over Jack for most of the evening and Jack
had been all over him for most of the night. After a hearty
breakfast to recoup his strength, Jack was happily getting all over him
again and it was looking like that was never going to change. Not
that Daniel was complaining. He considered he was trading up,
giving up sleep for sex this good.
Jack's tongue was
taking long, sensuous swipes easing gradually down his spine.
Daniel went with the flow as Jack dropped to his knees behind him,
licking over his buttocks. "Mmmm-Jack!" he yelped in shock as his
cheeks were parted and Jack's tongue swiped over the sensitive skin of
his anus. "Jack!" Daniel's whole body quivered; he leaned hard against
the tile as the desire took him a beat before Jack's tongue did,
swirling teasingly, maddeningly, probing the tight opening.
"Ja-ack," he
whimpered incredulously as moist, limber heat pushed delicately inside
him, touching and tasting; slowly, God, soooo slowly and sweetly
stroking him. Daniel had never…he'd…"Oh, God." He was
shaking, having to brace himself against the slick wall of the shower
as his knees just went when Jack moaned greedily, as needing and lost
as Daniel in this extraordinary, erotic intimacy. His body hummed
with exhilarated pleasure.
Dizzying arousal
slammed into him, making him sway as Jack's hands left his hips to
stroke possessively down his penis. Daniel thrust hard into
Jack's rough, perfect grasp, unable to catch his breath or his senses
as Jack's tongue tenderly thrust inside him, the warm water cascading
over them both. The intense stimulation was indescribably
sensual, ecstasy surging through him, overwhelming him…he was lifted
and tossed and tumbled hard for Jack…
Jack was waiting as
Daniel slithered down into a boneless heap. "Even better with
this," he promised, placing Daniel's hand on his penis.
For the first time,
Daniel believed him.
"Shopping for
funeral outfits. Oh, joy," Jack grumbled as Daniel trailed
reluctantly after him. "Mall bigot," he accused, grinning.
"I'm not buying a
suit," Daniel said flatly. "Annie hated suits. She had two
years of polite men with suits, clipboards and excuses. The
insurance company. The bank. Debt counsellors. Social
services," he added quietly, glancing self-consciously at Jack.
Jack smiled steadily
back at Daniel. Yep. Mature. He could do it. Even
with murder in his heart. He had his reward in a sweet, slightly
surprised smile. "Black?" he prompted.
"Oh, yes," Daniel
agreed. "Anything else wouldn't be respect. Not for Annie."
"So, black and cool
then," Jack suggested cheerfully, looking forward to assisting Daniel
through the ordeal of a prolonged search for the perfect
ensemble. The location left a lot to be desired though. He
looked unenthusiastically around at the mall, all tiles, cascading
plants, tinkling water that annoyed the crap out of him and made him
want to pee every two minutes and light that hurt his eyes.
"Jesus," he said grimly. "This could be Boulder as easily as it
could be Buffalo. It all looks the same."
"With the same
stores selling the same clothes you wouldn't buy and wear in the
Springs," Daniel agreed glumly. "I hate malls."
"Ditto. Let's
go consume conspicuously. Get this over with soon as, so we can
book back to sanity." Jack led the way to the mall directory,
noted the location of the men's clothing stores in the various coloured
zones, then checked the lay of the land against 'you are here' on the
map. He snorted. "They lie like rugs. We're actually
here," he pointed to a slightly different place on the map then winked
when Daniel stared at him wide-eyed.
He had to pull
Daniel away from the list of bookstores he was surreptitiously trying
to place in relation to the clothing stores. He was still
snarling when Jack shoved him into the glass elevator and they went up
a level to look for some store that just screamed the 'eek' in
'Sonic'. Jack suspected funky and expensive behind that
'eek'. He'd probably find something hot to bully Daniel into
buying.
"Trust me," Jack
ordered crisply as Daniel emerged from the elevator and immediately
oriented himself bookstore-wards. "You won't have time to
read." Especially as a lot of Daniel's resistance to fucking had
melted away in the shower along with his spine and most of his
inhibitions. Jack still wasn't pushing, but all the shy,
speculative looks being cast his way suggested the linguist had
something on his mind. Jack had to smile. Daniel was
pushy. Insatiably curious and pushy.
Despite the blush,
Daniel sniffed haughtily. One of the many things Jack loved about
the man was he was contradictory. Or was that just plain
contrary? He wouldn’t budge on the big stuff, the important
meaning of life stuff, but he was toast on little things, on plain old
living his life, caving on huggable hot sweaters, Bolognese pizza
and The Simpsons. Basically, he caved on Jack. Who was
going to use whatever Svengali-like pull he had to get Daniel into some
sexy little black number if it killed him.
He wanted it to kill
Laidlaw. He wanted Daniel looking totally beautiful and fuckable
while being as untouchable and unattainable as only he could be.
Another of the contradictions that killed Jack on a daily basis.
And it probably went without saying, gave him reasons for living.
They made their way
through the near empty mall, populated by industrious cleaning staff
polishing the floors to a treacherous slick shine, and the elderly,
killing time. It was too early for the moms to have made it back
from the school run and into retail therapy. Jack looked at a red
shutter and realised it was too early for 'Sonic' too. He
shrugged philosophically and mentally plotted a course to 'Aphrodite',
which didn't sound a likely source of guy-anything.
He realised he was
wrong when they wandered into a little themed Mediterranean area that
had an intensely blue ceiling, cobbles underfoot, unlikely olive trees,
a taverna, and a huge fountain in the centre. A song was blasting
out of a cream and glass fronted shop that had a rakish looking temple
above the door and a cute guy perched on top of a ladder, fiddling with
a speaker and cursing life, the universe and everything. They
drew level with the shop entrance and were greeted by a blast of music
that had the cute guy howling triumphantly before he slid athletically
down the ladder and trotted inside.
Jack sauntered into
the store, dragging a reluctant Daniel, who seemed distressed by what
they'd done to the temple, to the strains of someone huskily singing
'Sexy Boy'.
"Oh, yeah," Jack
crowed, peering around happily. "We've found the promised
land." He and the clerk were definitely in the majority on this
one, though the silent minority maintained his attitude of freezing
disapproval. Jack grinned. Daniel was made for clothes like
this and he knew it. He guessed it was pretty tough for a guy who
loved tweed to take, which was why Daniel avoided designer outlets like
the plague.
The cute blond clerk
blatantly - and appreciatively - eyed Jack up while offering to
help him in any way in a voice as husky and filled with erotic promise
as the singer's.
Daniel stepped in
front of him, scowling. "You can help ME," he snapped.
"Sir?" the cute
clerk asked with a marked lack of enthusiasm, trying to smoulder right
past him.
Daniel seemed to
expand to fill every available space with protective pissiness and what
could only be described as pride of ownership. His entire body
was fairly emphatic about the whole 'he's mine!' thing.
Jack was
enchanted. "They'll go with my jacket," he interjected, nodding
at some black leather pants. The clerk brightened, stepping out
from around the counter to breeze past Daniel, whose scowl deepened
exponentially as the clerk TOUCHED Jack.
"He means for me,"
Daniel said coldly, not about to let this horny little prick paw Jack
right in front of him. He prowled over and coolly accepted the
proffered pants without breaking eye contact with the clerk who
couldn't seem to take a hint his attentions weren't wanted.
Jack did mean for
Daniel and he was ready to take full advantage of Daniel stupidly
hurling himself into the path of what he was flatteringly assuming was
temptation. Jack was philosophical. Mature had its limits,
and those included leather pants. Daniel + leather of any
description called for tactics. "And that shirt," Jack suggested
hesitantly, making a 'random' gesture at the exact figure-hugging
slinky black shirt he'd noticed the instant they'd walked through the
door. Jack had his leather jacket with him and all he needed were
black chinos and a grey shirt, which he could pick up in Lord &
Taylor's. There was a Lord & Taylor's in Buffalo. There
was always a Lord & Taylor's. He was happy to lie about
that until he'd got Daniel into something designery and sexy.
He smouldered a
little back at the clerk, then tried to act like it wasn't his fault
when Daniel noticed and innocently cranked up the hostility on
cue. If it got him into the changing room…"Don't forget the
shirt," Jack called anxiously as Daniel stalked off to the changing
room, the clerk firmly in tow, and casting flirty looks back at
Jack. Daniel's own look was killing as he snatched up a shirt
from the rack almost at random.
God.
COMPLETELY loved this man!
Jack waited and
browsed and waited some more. He was fondling a heather coloured
cable-knit sweater when Daniel sidled hesitantly out of the changing
room, looking edible and anxious. The clerk appeared to be a
fickle creature if the way his glazed eyes were riveted to Daniel's ass
was anything to go by. Jack looked the ensemble over carefully,
taking in such key points as the way the pants appeared to have been
sprayed on and the slinky shirt skimmed and clung sexily to every sweet
curve. "We'll take two!"
The clerk appeared
to have telepathy in his job description. He had Daniel's old
clothes bagged and Jack's MasterCard through the till before Daniel had
stopped sputtering.
Jack kept a good
grip on the snooty branded bag and a better one on Daniel, who balked
at the door. "Now I've got you into them, I can't wait to take
you somewhere private and get you right back out of them," he informed
Daniel conversationally.
"Oh," Daniel
commented intelligently.
Jack eased him
resistless out the door, waving cheerily at the crestfallen
clerk. "I need a shirt."
"Me too," Daniel
sighed, tugging ineffectually at the sleek, subtly shimmering fabric of
the shirt he'd apparently just let Jack snow him right into. He
was still taken aback at the sullen flare of possessiveness which had
suspended his critical faculties for a brief but tactically vital
moment. He couldn't even think about what the pants were doing to
his behind. Everything back there seemed to be swaying.
Jack was thoroughly enjoying the show, but then so were the
cleaners. At least, Daniel highly doubted it was the nun who'd
just wolf-whistled loud and long as they'd skirted the greenery to head
into the yellow zone of the mall. "How much do I owe you for
the…" Adequate words failed him.
Jack leered
dreadfully and sneakily patted his ass.
Oh. "I'm going
to get you for this, Jack," Daniel promised faithfully.
"You're gonna get me
but good," Jack promised unrepentantly. "We'd better head to a
department store. I need pants, too."
Daniel glanced
involuntarily down at himself.
"Annie wouldn't like
it?" Jack asked, making a token gesture at playing fair. It was a
memorial service after all. He didn’t want to make Daniel
uncomfortable. Not really.
Daniel thought about
Annie's gamine, roguish spirit, grinning reminiscently. "She'd
like it just fine," he admitted softly. "Annie always threatened
to wear a red dress at your funeral when she was really mad."
"Cool!" Jack gloated.
Daniel couldn't seem
to get past his self-consciousness over the way Jack felt free to
sexualise him. He could cope with it when they were together,
making love, but while they were doing something as mundane as shopping
for a shirt on a Thursday morning…Intellectually he knew there was no
difference, they were TOGETHER. He knew that. Jack was his
lover now and it was only natural he found Daniel desirable and sexy
and wanted him the whole damn time…Daniel was happy he turned Jack on,
he just didn't want to turn him on in the middle of the food hall of a
mall.
It wasn't the nun
who wolf-whistled, right?
Right.
Pretty sure it
wasn't, even if she was the really outgoing type.
He was losing
it. Which, after a moment's reflection, Daniel realised was the
crux of the matter. Jack wanted to be inside him. Inside
him! The last time Daniel had to face that, he had issued a
clear, emphatic 'No!' that got him tortured every goddamn day until he
got the hell out and far, far away from Halcyon. He was freaking
over having to sit at Annie's memorial service between two men who
wanted to fuck him, like each of them would somehow know. If
Daniel felt as if he could touch his own skin and taste Jack, how hard
would it be for Will to see that in him? In both of them.
He was magnetically attracted to Jack, drawn so close to his side he
was almost tripping him before apologising and stepping awkwardly away.
Jack was getting
anxious over Daniel's evident confusion, his response to another
stammered apology simply to take Daniel's hand in his and keep him at
his side. Who the fuck knew them in Buffalo? He smiled
reassuringly every time Daniel's eyes met his, relieved when some of
the tension eased in him and he held himself less tightly. Jack
knew the rhythms of Daniel's body almost as well as his own and now he
knew what it was to have Daniel wanting, moving with him…
"Sorry," Daniel said
one last time. He grinned mischievously at Jack. "Keep that
one on the slate. I'm sure I'll need it later."
Jack relaxed,
grinning back. He failed to let go of Daniel's hand though, even
when he tugged indignantly.
"Let go!"
"No."
"Jack!"
"No."
"You shit. You
wouldn't hold MURRAY'S hand. He TOLD me," Daniel accused.
"He said you put him mind of Ry'ac."
"I don't like
holding hands," Jack said equably, slipping his fingers through
Daniel's, who just gaped at him and held up their joined hands in mute
contradiction.
"Except mine,"
Daniel said darkly. "You've done it before. Don't think I
haven't noticed."
"I get a hard-on
every time I see your ass. Did you notice that?" Jack asked
interestedly. Daniel went seven shades of red, including his
ears, which went pink. "I'll take that as a no."
As he had a thousand
times or more, Daniel realised the futility of planning how he would
feel, how he would react. He didn't have a goddamn clue.
Shit just happened. Like holding hands with an Air Force colonel
in a mall. He supposed he should be grateful Jack wasn't skipping
or something.
He was an idealist -
often a frustrated one - who tried to be a realist, and far too often
wound up living a life that really needed him to be a fatalist.
What was that crazy line? Forget about forgiving and just
accept. He and Jack were going to make love. It was going
to happen between them; the wanting was shivering through him with
Jack's fingers twined through his. It was the hardest thing for
Daniel to do, but he was going to try to go easy on himself, to not tie
himself into knots with expectation. For once, he would just let
it be.
Jack started to hum.
"How the hell did I
wind up with Colonel Bluebird On My Shoulder?" Daniel asked the
universe bitterly.
"I make you tweet in
bed."
Daniel smiled as he
walked into the little sunlit chapel to find every woman in the small
congregation in a red dress and not a solitary suit in sight.
Annie had had her way.
Jack's timing was
perfect. He'd spun out the shopping, making a game of finding the
perfect chinos, much to the confusion of the staff in several
department stores who kept insisting chinos were chinos, and finally
allowed Daniel and two anxious clerks in Lord & Taylor's to coax
him into tight black jeans and a deep grey shirt.
In lieu of lunch and
lingering over a lot of unpleasant memories, Daniel had shared a huge
tub of Ben & Jerry's 'The Full Ver-Monty' and a vat of popcorn with
Jack over 'The Matrix', which seemed a bizarre choice even to Jack for
the Directors Special in the mall multiplex. Jack laughed
at the action scenes and Daniel choked over the plot which didn't so
much suspend disbelief as hang it by the neck until dead, and they both
had a blast. Jack seemed firmly of the opinion that Daniel looked
better in black than Carrie Anne Moss, which was scary to say the
least. They'd been all alone with the wide screen and the digital
surround sound and there had been some molestation, for which Daniel
was still refusing to apologise.
He'd arrived for the
service in pretty good shape but his mood evaporated as Will came
forward to greet them and used the cover of stares and soft whispers to
hug Daniel. He took it stoically, trying not let his discomfort
show. Old habits died hard. He wouldn't - couldn't give
Will any hook he could use. He'd been through too damn much to
stand here hugging himself, trying to make himself smaller,
unnoticeable. Fat chance. Daniel had never got past that
instinctual response to distress, so ingrained was it, and Will had
always noticed him.
Will was noticing
now. Blood rushed and Daniel realised he held as much...as much
power over Will as he ever had. Will had bullied him to make him
submit, Daniel knew that at fifteen. What he hadn't understood
until now was how much Will had needed him to submit, or why. The
bullying wasn't about Daniel, it had never been. It was about
Will lashing out because he'd made himself vulnerable. He'd given
Daniel power over him simply by needing him even though Daniel had
rejected him and kept right on holding himself apart. He must
have driven Will insane. That was no excuse for what Will had
done to him, but maybe it was cause for pity.
Daniel kept it
together, leaving Will as baffled and frustrated as he'd ever
been. He glanced across to Jack to see calm approval and a
distinct gleam of humour that warmed him right through as Will led them
to the pew at the front of the chapel. He smiled involuntarily
and Jack smiled right back.
Jack relaxed
infinitesimally as Daniel quietly took his place. He thought it
was a little obvious to plant himself between Laidlaw and Daniel,
especially when Laidlaw was acutely aware - and resentful - of Jack's
presence as it was. Obvious tactics rarely succeeded.
Daniel took comfort in Jack's nearness, their intimacy apparent to even
the most casual observer. Not that any of the people avidly
staring at Daniel were casual. One young-ish woman in particular
couldn't tear her eyes away. Jack was sympathetic. It was
the pants. Daniel and leather. What could he say?
Apart from he's MINE.
The woman looked
about Daniel's age, lovely brown eyes and glossy brunette curls
tumbling over her shoulders. She was wearing red like the other
women, something that made Annie go up a tad in Jack's estimation, but
her red was floaty and tied dyed and came with socks and workboots.
Daniel was too
polite to stare at the people staring at him, but Jack made up for
it. If he was called on it, he'd claim what he always claimed and
blame the training. Lady in red here knew who Daniel was, but
he'd looked right past her and she didn't seem happy about it.
Jack wondered who she was. Daniel hadn't mentioned a girl, just
Laidlaw and Annie. Jack looked at his lover, full attention
focused as the service began. Daniel hadn't said much of
anything. When it came to Daniel's welfare, Jack needed to
know. And no, he couldn't blame the training. This was
their lives.
Jack deliberately
turned and made eye contact with lady in red. He nodded, slow
enough for her to get it was deliberate, and figured she'd come to
him. It would look better when Daniel finally placed her.
Whoever she was.
He let the service
wash over him like so much background noise, choosing instead to watch
Daniel. He'd spent more time watching Daniel and thinking about
him than he'd spent over anyone with the sole exception of his
son. Daniel was a little pale, but still doing okay. He
seemed to approve the choice of prayers, and stood to sing in his
clear, carrying voice the hymn Annie had chosen in place of the
traditional 'she coulda been a contender' memorials. 'In the deep
midwinter'. The slow, melancholy hymn fit the mood. Annie
was missed. At the conclusion, Daniel's quiet comments to Laidlaw
about it being a good service were sincere and seemed to be taken as
such.
The congregation
drifted out of the chapel. He and Daniel were expected back at
Annie's house, but it looked as if the majority were coming with.
All the better to ogle Danny up close and personal, Jack thought
cynically. He was half expecting lady in red to waylay Daniel at
some point, but was surprised when she barrelled right up to him on the
chapel steps. The three of them made an interesting tableau;
Laidlaw smirking, lady in red hurt and not caring who saw it, and
Daniel, who seemed to blink and then get it. Get her.
"Rainey?" Daniel
asked hesitantly.
Jack gritted his
teeth. Fuck. Someone else Daniel was as happy to see as
Laidlaw. He didn't give a shit about appearances or these
people. They'd stay long enough for Daniel to pay his respects
then they were gone. Daniel's past life wasn't so much staring
him in the face as kneeing him in the balls. Jack could see that
as everyone crowded around to fuss over him, driving lady in red
away. There were a few smiles, a few reproaches and more of that
avid interest. Dinner table fodder, that's all they were to these
people. A cheap thrill over the meat loaf. 'You'll never
guess who breezed into town!'
Fuck the lot of 'em.
Back to Part One / On to Part Three
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