"You didn't
recognise me, did you?" Rainey asked.
Daniel leaned back
against the sink, wondering how come he always wound up in the kitchen
at these awkward 'occasions'. He never felt comfortable with
people up close and personal, crowding his space. He could do it
for his work, that was different, his choice, and he put up a hell of
an act. Years of practice. In private, he tended to shut
down, back off. Dropped his head and folded in on himself like he
felt the need to apologise for his very existence. That too was
ingrained, an instinctual response he had long since ceased to beat
himself up over. He was who he was and had learned to live with
it.
"No," he said
simply. It felt like a cop out to mention she was wearing
contacts, not glasses, and her hair was long now. Her face was
still recognisable beneath those superficial differences, still
soft. He simply hadn't seen her. He remembered the impact
Rainey had on him more clearly than he remembered her.
"I expected you to,"
she went on. "I thought you'd know me as soon as you saw
me. We were so…"
"We weren't," Daniel
contradicted, more sharply than he'd intended. Sam was the
closest woman friend he'd ever had and even in her pampered youth she
would have marched the gauntlet with him, head held high and hating
them for him. Sam would have fought at his side, no
question. She was family. Robert had been the first real
friend Daniel had, his loss still a quiet ache of regret and pain for
himself and Jack. So few friends he'd had, but they each loved
him in a way uniquely their own. Rainey had never loved
him. He'd been a cause or a project, something to help Rainey
feel good about herself until Will had made her feel better.
"That's harsh," Will
said from the kitchen doorway, provoking outright hostility from
Rainey, who glared at him.
Daniel was surprised
he'd got away from Jack, who loomed up with unmistakable menace every
time Will took a step in his direction. Jack was either eating or
he had to pee. He kept complaining about the goddamn fountains in
the mall. Or maybe it was because of all the Pepsi he'd guzzled
during the movie.
"Sorry," Daniel
answered pleasantly. "I haven't given either of you a thought for
years." He'd shed the specifics of his past because he'd wanted
to do more than function. He'd wanted to live and feel free to be
himself outside the limits of his own imagination or the leaves of a
book. It had taken time - years, but eventually he'd opened
himself up as much as he could. Some things he'd never change,
but he accepted. He could be with people, and he learned.
"I guess I mean more to both of you than you do to me," he realised, a
little surprised. "You made my life a misery for no good reason
and if you're looking for closure here..." he hesitated, and decided he
would say what he felt unequivocally for once to these people who
seemed to have lost their power to wound him. "You won't get it
from me. I can't absolve you of your sins and free you from
whatever guilt you may feel. You worked hard for it."
Rainey grimaced
oddly, her eyes bright with unshed tears.
Daniel was
sympathetic, but what could he do for her? He'd done it all by
and for himself. He was sorry that Rainey didn't realise the only
forgiveness she needed was her own.
"Congratulations,"
Will drawled offensively, his eyes raking Daniel up and down
insolently. "When'd you learn to fight back?"
"Fuck off and die,
Will," Daniel said lightly. "I fought back every day in school
and I won. Get over it. I did," he tossed over his shoulder
as he walked out. Jack was waiting for him.
"Please," Jack
asked, staring past him into the kitchen.
Daniel smiled a
little and shook his head.
"Please."
Daniel's smile
widened. "It's not morning," he said inconsequentially, wondering
if Jack would…yes. Jack got it. His eyes glittered above a
wolfish smile.
"Promises," he
drawled softly.
"Something like
that."
Jack turned to walk
him out, ignoring these people neither of them knew.
"Well, that was
anti-climactic," Daniel complained as they ambled down the porch steps.
"What did Laidlaw
say?" Jack demanded.
"I told him to fuck
off and die," Daniel impishly deflected the question.
Jack chuckled.
"Good for you," he praised warmly, not bothering to mention the entire
gathering had heard. Hey, the two of them put on a good enough
show. He'd schmoozed the room and done some digging, Daniel had a
fight in the kitchen and the locals would still be talking about them
over dessert. Their work here was done.
Daniel stretched out
on the hood of the car, Jack's hand resting easily on his thigh.
They stared at the high fence surrounding Halcyon High.
"I hated this
fucking place," Daniel whispered. "You have no idea."
"No."
Something in Jack's
voice made Daniel turn to look at him. "Not you," he said
positively as he saw Jack's troubled doubt. He literally couldn't
imagine Jack as a bully. It was inconceivable. "You're not
typical anything, Jack. I doubt you ever were." He smiled
gently and rested his hand over Jack's as he flushed and scowled
ferociously to hide his pleasure - and embarrassment - at the
compliment. "You're cute when you blush," he confided, blowing
Jack a little kiss when he tossed a hateful look Daniel's way. "I
denied the battle," he offered.
"Refused to engage,"
Jack nodded, eyes gleaming. "You must have killed that bastard
every day."
Daniel looked at
him, puzzled.
"He couldn't fucking
touch you."
"No," Daniel agreed
soberly. "I've just now realised it cost him far more than it
cost me."
"Maybe," Jack said
brusquely, not meeting Daniel's eyes in a way that meant no.
"No maybe about it,
Jack," Daniel earnestly assured him. "I won here, it just took me
a while to get it. After twenty years, Will still doesn't get it."
Jack thought about
this gentle man he'd fallen in love with and everything he had to
offer, everything he kept locked down tight until you were in, you were
part of him, and there was nothing he couldn't give you then except his
pain, his need. Daniel had to be giving like he had to be
breathing. It was wonderful, it was Daniel, and it scared Jack
and Carter and the others shitless because it was expensive.
Daniel spent himself like a blue cross special for other people and
wouldn't take the time of day. Getting Daniel to face that, to
drop those defences that wouldn't let him ask, need, depend…maybe it
was more than even Jack could do.
He guessed coming
here was a quiet victory. Laidlaw had tried to manipulate Daniel,
not realising the man would call him on it because he didn't know
Daniel and never had. Jack knew what it took to survive in an
Iraqi prison and he sensed it wasn't any more than it took to walk down
a school hallway every goddamn day, hated for just being you.
Maybe
Daniel…no. No, he was right about experience being needed for
empathy. Jack could see that well enough. Daniel didn't get
that empathy cost more than hate because it wasn't just your own weight
you carried. Jack would never accept that Daniel got off light
here. If his empathy was the sum of his experiences, then Jack
didn't want to know what he'd been through, because he saw that empathy
every day. Daniel wasn't a gilded saint, far from it, but there
were things he couldn't do, small, mundane defences he just didn't
have. He knew. That was all it was. He just…knew.
Jack didn't have a
fucking clue how hard that was to carry but it brought out the worst in
him, made him lash out though he knew Daniel wouldn't thank him for
protection he didn't want and didn't believe he needed.
They were never
going to agree on this one, but somehow, as with so many issues in
their lives, they made it work regardless.
"School's out," Jack
said casually, apropos of breaking and entering.
Daniel froze and
gaped him. "No!" he bleated. "Jack! Just…no,
okay? No."
Jack grinned.
Maybe they made it work because they knew each other inside out.
Jack looked at his
plate. Then he looked up at Abe. "What IS this?"
"Moroccan lamb," Abe
scowled.
"It's supposed to be
made with mutton," Daniel muttered disapprovingly.
"Sorry," Abe
gushed. "I only had these hideously expensive, perfectly lean
lamb chops instead," she apologised with awful sarcasm.
"I'll have to
re-mortgage," Jack groaned.
"I made
dessert. Rice pudding."
"It's the rice on my
plate I have a problem with," Jack grouched.
"If you don't eat
the rice on your plate I'm eating the rice in the pudding," Abe
informed them coldly.
"It's minty."
Jack scooped up a forkful and let it tumble accusingly onto his
plate. "Who eats minty rice?"
"You and about sixty
million Turks!"
"Actually, the
population of..."
"Shut up!" two
voices chimed in unison.
"That was rude,"
Daniel complained. "Which means we eat free."
"Right!" Jack
vigorously agreed. "And we get the rice pudding even if we don't
eat the stinky, minty rice. Right?"
Abe snarled.
Right.
Daniel looked at him
quizzically as Abe stormed away, slamming the parlour door.
"What?"
"You HATE rice
pudding."
So. Here they
were again. In Daniel's room. In Daniel's bed. There
was nudity. There was clasping. There was a fair amount of
kissing and some sappy holding of hands.
Oh, and a little
residual rice pudding, which Jack had managed fairly well when
accompanied by sweet, icy peaches, served on Daniel's skin.
Which meant there
was stickiness.
There was also Kevin.
And Samuel.
Or was that Samuel
L.?
Whatever.
It was a shit hot
movie regardless.
"I knew it!" Daniel
hollered at the screen as the shivering cop was freed. "I knew
it."
"I know," Jack
agreed solemnly. "I know you knew that. We've watched this
movie four times and you forget every single time that cop isn't dead,
then you try to act like you know what's coming. You have to
agree that would be far more impressive if you didn't know what was
coming."
Daniel considered
this.
"I'm not fucking off
and I'm not dying," Jack grinned. "And I don't care what you say.
I'd be a very happy man if you looked at me like you look at Kevin."
Daniel considered
that. "Soo…you and Sam? That's purely platonic, huh?"
"I'm only interested
on an intellectual level!" Jack gasped, mock-shocked. "And that's
MR Jackson to you."
Daniel looked at
Jack. He found he was looking at Jack more and more and the movie
less and less. He got up restlessly, not quite willing to
surrender to the mood, and switched off the TV before walking over
slowly to open the curtains. It was still light, the sky
streaking now with brilliant colour, a myriad shades of lilac, peach,
pink and gold as the sun set. "Are we going to?" he asked
quietly, not turning around, fingers clenched on the window sill.
"If you want to."
"I think I do,"
Daniel said slowly, hearing the smile in Jack's voice. He walked
back over, not quite reluctant, but close. He was nervous.
He probably looked nervous if the careful, kind look on Jack's face was
anything to go by. Jack didn't say a word to reassure him, but
then, they knew one another so well he didn't have to. This
wasn't a small thing he wanted to share. Making love, taking
Daniel's body…in some ways, the ultimate expression of the intimacy
they shared, of the trust that existed between them.
In this case, Daniel
wasn't trusting Jack to be able to stop; rather, Jack was trusting him
to make his own decision. If it was the right decision, there'd
be no need to stop. Daniel straddled Jack's hips, settling his
weight easily as Jack sat up, held him close, eyes tender. "I
don't want to think," Daniel confessed.
"So kiss me," Jack
invited, smoothing the hair back from Daniel's brow. "It works
for me."
Daniel caught his
hand and kissed the callused palm, the skin rough and rasping; perfect,
so perfect when Jack held him, touched him…he'd never known how good it
could be to be touched that way. It was frighteningly easy to
feel he'd never been touched before when Jack's body electrified him
so. He thought about taking Jack this way and shivered around a
rich pang of predatory anticipation. Soon. He wanted Jack
every way he could have him.
He teased Jack's
mouth with a flicker of his tongue, Jack following. Of
course. The king of the three days in the tree stakeout couldn't
wait a nanosecond if there was a kiss at the end of it. They
kissed gently, comfortably, arms tight around one another as the golden
light streamed into the room, gilding their skin. Daniel took
Jack's hands in his, lowering him to the bed, still easy, still
flowing, kisses tumbling and blurring, soft and biting.
This he could
do. He and Jack had lost themselves in the pleasure of touch
every moment they'd been alone. Last night he'd woken Jack from
the little sleep they'd managed, rolled on top of him and held both
their erections in his hand, pumping them both as they'd moved
together…God. The feel of Jack in his hand, strong, stubborn,
sappy sonovabitch that he was. The memory tightened his gut
now. He pushed impatiently and Jack yielded, opened to him.
He made Jack happy when he asserted his own needs. It wasn't a
problem. He was a guy; give it to me meant give it to me FIRST.
"I love when you get
that look," Jack said softly, smiling up at Daniel's needing, sexy,
aching do me do me face. He stilled the instinctively inquisitive
tilt of Daniel's head with both hands and the question he knew was
coming with his mouth.
He spread out and
made Daniel at home, pulling here, pushing there, rolling until they
tangled and settled. He was in no rush, his only concern to make
this as good for Daniel as his first time could be. Jack had no
doubt of the pleasure he'd take. Daniel's ass was so sweet and so
tight it made his body sing with need. For now, they were
kissing, with the single minded passion Daniel brought to
everything. There were no half-measures with the man.
Jack's control was pushed in every way when Daniel just opened to him,
wanting, needing everything, NOW.
He was in so deep so
quick, he never wanted to surface.
Jack was free to
touch, and did so, rolling to topple Daniel onto his side, his lips
lush and swollen from the long, slow kiss he plunged back into at
once. Guy-like, he wanted his way. Wanted Jack's
mouth. Took it. Side by side, they were both free to stroke
and rub, Daniel's fingertips brushing over his balls, something he knew
made Jack crazy. He wrenched away from the kiss, cursing, then
laughing reluctantly at Daniel's slow, knowing smile and wicked
eyes. "Shit," he said fondly, the word a caress.
Daniel's hand curved
around his head and pulled him back to kiss again, a slow, sweet slide
of tongue over tongue. Jack fumbled in the bed behind Daniel and
came up with the lube, shakily prepared himself and coaxed Daniel over
to balance on his hip, one leg a little raised to give him
access. He noted the frown, the slight tension, but the habit of
trusting Daniel's judgement was too ingrained for him to stop
now. Daniel would say no if he went too far.
For a brief, giddy
moment he wondered how far Laidlaw got before Daniel said no, how hard
it was for Daniel to stop him, and found he hated the thought.
There was no doubt in his mind Daniel had got out of that bed
shouldering the blame. He kissed Daniel's hot skin, burying his
face to inhale ecstatically. "Christ, you smell good," he sighed
gratefully.
"I stink," Daniel
chuckled.
"What I said."
When Jack brushed his finger tip over Daniel's anus, he flinched back,
clenching involuntarily against Jack.
"It's okay to be
nervous," Daniel assured him.
Jack snorted.
"Isn't that supposed to be my line?"
"You know what I
mean," Daniel snapped, annoyed, making a conscious effort to relax.
"I know," Jack said
gently. His touch became a stroke, and the stroke became a push,
then Daniel was groaning, panting into Jack's shoulder, and Jack was
in. Daniel meant he wasn't expecting anything but to get through
it. No pressure, no expectations of unbridled ecstasy. He
just needed Jack to get him through it.
Daniel bit down the
urge to tell Jack having his trigger finger pushing into his ass felt
as romantic as a physical and he wasn't nearly as good at this as Janet
because this hurt and then he just bit, hard, as long fingers stroked
deep into him. He clung and shook pitifully as Jack held him
tight, guilty for the coppery blood he tasted in his mouth.
"S-sorry," he gasped, kissing the skin he'd broken on Jack's
shoulder. Jack kissed him hard and took advantage of his
stupefaction to rub inside him. Daniel felt feverish, hot and
cold at once, his skin tight and prickling as his ass contracted around
Jack's slowly thrusting finger, the shock of greedy pressure so deep
inside quivering through his body.
"How do you feel?"
Jack crooned into his hair.
"Weird," Daniel said
honestly.
Jack chuckled and
slowly withdrew.
Daniel was conscious
of disappointment and relief, but he was ready when Jack pushed
inexorably back into his body again. Despite the lubricant and
Jack's care, Daniel was uncomfortable, with twinges of pain as his
over-stretched muscles protested. He didn't find anything hot or
sexy about this part, though Jack did. Jack definitely did.
Jack was GONE. This struck Daniel as pragmatism, not foreplay;
the…mechanics…lacking context. He was sure that would change when
he grew accustomed, when he wasn't so focused on the physicality of the
act itself. "Jack?"
Jack leaned back,
took a good look at Daniel's pale, impatient face and grinned
fiendishly. "Allow me," he offered grandly, angling his fingers
to brush Daniel's prostate. Daniel went absolutely still, his
eyes widening. Then he bit his lip and nodded. Jack
massaged the sweet spot very gently, making Daniel quiver. Jack
was encouraged enough to work three fingers inside him, his preparation
slow and thorough. Daniel was sweating and shaking when Jack
eased him onto his back and lavishly applied the lube to his dick.
So they'd be close,
Jack knelt between Daniel's parted thighs, settling Daniel's butt
comfortably on his own thighs before lifting those long elegant legs he
so admired to hook over his shoulders. Daniel lay before him,
wantonly sprawled among the heap of pillows, still pale but soaked with
sweat, everything he felt in his eyes.
"Love you," Jack
mouthed, holding Daniel's hips steady as he pushed.
Daniel felt the hot,
slick nudge and shivered all over as Jack penetrated him achingly
slowly. It was more than a twinge of pain now; that steady,
deliberately deepening pressure stretched him taut and burning, and
Jack was hard; hard and hurting him. Daniel lay still, trusting
Jack's control, surrendering to the slow, incremental slide of skin
inside him. He did what he always did when he was hurting and
took the necessary step back. He was sorry he had to think his
way through this part, but it was his first time, and he wanted to
believe in the pleasure they'd just shared. It was close.
His body just needed to adjust and he would have it again.
He would.
Right now, he was getting through this by focusing on how Jack
felt. In fact, he was astonished at just how much he could
feel. Not just the heat, but the pulse of blood that made Jack's
penis throb. His muscles fit around Jack exactly. He didn't
need to look at the ecstasy on Jack's face to know how good that felt
for him.
Jack wasn't sure
what the quiet, listening expression on Daniel's face meant, but he
seemed to be unclenching muscle by muscle so Jack took a deep,
steadying breath against the desire to throw back his head and howl at
how sweet this was, and dared to thrust a little deeper. Daniel
felt incredible, just taking him in like this; his strong, supple body
surrendering to each slow, steady stroke, Jack sinking into silken,
gripping heat that made him SHAKE. One last thrust and he felt
satin skin against his balls. He rested now, soothingly stroking
his hands down over Daniel's trembling thighs, hot and heavy against
his chest, the soft hair chafing his nipples.
"I'm okay," Daniel
assured him.
"Yes?" Jack didn't
really think so. "It does get better."
Daniel smiled a
little, winced a little more around the strange sensation of
fullness. "I'm sure," he agreed quietly, stretching up his hand
to draw Jack down to him.
Jack leaned forward
slowly, carefully, Daniel gasping as he shifted inside, but still
reaching for him, still wanting to kiss. It was quick and hard,
over too soon but Jack was too deep and he needed to move too much to
be still. He hooked Daniel's leg back over his shoulder, held
him, and began to rock his hips slowly. The friction was too
good, the tight channel gripping him as he moved, every tiny
contraction flowing into the next until it felt as if Daniel was
rippling around him. Jack groaned at the sensation and deepened
his thrusts.
Daniel was held
spellbound by the strong, sleek slide of skin inside him.
Jack…inside him; his life changing. He'd known it would, and as
with every other change in a life that had never been still, he
adjusted. The initial burn in his ass gradually eased to a sullen
ache. Jack's passion was exhausting him, he just wasn't used to
this, but his body slowly yielded to warmth. He had…time.
Jack was gentle and generous, fucking Daniel long and slow, moving
easily. He was in deep; deep enough for Daniel to see his wasn't
the only life to change.
He lay quietly,
still, the soft percale sheet beneath him chafing his skin as Jack's
thrusts jolted his body. Daniel watched Jack's face, effortful
and strangely softened by his passion, instinctively sliding his hands
down to press into the quivering muscles of his abdomen, needing to
feel, to know what Jack was feeling. His Jack, a little afraid,
feeling so much he was cradling Daniel's thighs to him, his restlessly
nuzzling cheek warm against Daniel's skin, biting at his lip as he
moved so tenderly, so surely inside Daniel.
Jack opened his eyes
to receive a blinding smile as Daniel's fingers ghosted over his
cheek. He turned his head to hungrily kiss the palm, then looked
down at Daniel, so beautiful smiling at him this way, with such quiet,
dignified content. Sweat was pooling deliciously on his belly,
and at Daniel's nod, Jack reached down to softly stroke his dick, his
fingers seeking out the big vein on the underside, the one that made
Daniel shudder all over when he rubbed it, and Christ, it felt so good
when he did that. Good for both of them.
Daniel rested his
free hand over Jack's as he stroked patiently, slowly, wanting this to
be good for Daniel. He was learning how to touch, his fingers
caressing gently, patiently as Daniel slowly swelled in his hand, his
breath hitching, belly heaving as he arched his neck from the bed,
clenching so hard around him Jack nearly came on the spot.
"Danny!"
"Jack. Jaa-aack,"
Daniel moaned as Jack pumped him in earnest, his grasp rough and right,
the sensations intensified as his body was driven by Jack's quickening
thrusts, sweet aching pleasure shivering through him constantly.
With one hand still clenched over Jack's as he stroked him, Daniel
fumbled with his other to take Jack's free hand from his hip. He
twined their fingers together, clasping clammy palms fiercely, his
breath caught on the intense throb of orgasm spiralling as Jack
quickened, his thrusts deep, sharp jabs in counterpoint to his hand
moving on Daniel.
Jack didn't get a
chance to angle for Daniel's prostate; Daniel came with a soft cry, his
pleasure contractions squeezing Jack. The intensity of sensation
was unbearable. He lunged and came hard, the orgasm milked from
him in long, powerful spasms.
Daniel groaned as
heat surged inside him. He'd never felt anything like it, nor the
way Jack's penis pumped into him. The intimacy was
incredible. Jack had gone deep, deeper into him than he'd
realised was possible, and the physical was merely a part of it.
He wanted - needed
more.
When Daniel's
shaking finally stilled, Jack kissed his hands once more as he eased
slowly free of his body, horrified to see a few beads of blood.
Only a little but…"Daniel?" he asked sharply.
"I'm fine," Daniel
assured him, smiling tiredly.
Jack slid off the
bed and carefully pulled Daniel to his feet. "Let me take care of
you," he asked as Daniel stumbled. Daniel slipped his arm around
Jack's waist and he felt a little better. They walked slowly to
the shower and he set it to heat while Daniel cleaned himself some.
"Clear," Daniel
called reassuringly, nothing but grateful when Jack pulled him into a
hot shower and held him tight. His body ached. "I'm glad,"
he said quietly, kissing the bite he'd inflicted earlier. Jack
shifted restlessly. Daniel tilted back his head. "I am
glad, Jack," he insisted.
Jack nodded gravely
and just hung onto him as he lowered his head and rested.
They stood that way,
letting the water pound into them until all the tension had seeped out
of them both. Daniel patiently endured Jack's anxiety, but felt
better once he was dried and there was no blood spotting the
towel. He was sore and worn out but he'd survive. Now, he
wanted to crawl into bed with Jack and sleep for a week, so he took him
by the hand and led him there.
Jack lay on his back
and pulled Daniel into his arms, stroking the ruffled, still damp hair
tickling his chin. "Do me, next time," he ordered tersely, not
doing too good of a job concealing his worry. Or his
regret. He shoved his useless sympathy down hard as Daniel
carefully laid a long leg over his and cuddled in affectionately.
"Planned to," Daniel
chuckled sleepily, tightening his grip.
"Are you going to
sleep?" Jack huffed mock-indignantly.
"Sure," Daniel
smirked. "I got laid. Now I sleep. It's a guy thing."
"Thanks," Jack said
witheringly, feeling a lot better. He could play this game.
Years of practice.
"I love you," Daniel
blurted, surprising himself.
Jack shot him a
complacent look. "I see," he drawled.
"What?"
Jack kissed his hair.
Daniel punched him
in the shoulder. "What?"
"You get laid, you
get off, you get sappy," Jack crowed.
"I get sappy?"
Daniel choked. "If you told me you loved me BEFORE you got laid,
what does that make you?"
Daniel lay quietly,
lulled by the heat of Jack's body tight against his back, idly stroking
Jack's fingers. A soft kiss at the nape of his neck made him
smile.
"Mmm," Jack sighed
happily, nuzzling into Daniel's hairline as he hugged him
tightly. He ghosted his hand down Daniel's side to gently stroke
his ass.
"You're insatiable,"
Daniel groaned theatrically.
Jack chuckled, and
loosened his arms enough for Daniel to turn in them to face him.
They lay close, kissing lazily, interested but neither pushing it, both
uncertain after the intensity of their lovemaking last night.
Daniel held himself a little stiffly this morning and that was enough
for Jack. He frowned.
"I'm okay," Daniel
said at once. "A little sore but…" He shrugged philosophically.
"We're not doing
that again any time soon," Jack muttered.
"We are," Daniel
serenely corrected him, stroking his collar bone. "If I have
anything to say about it."
"You know you do,"
Jack reassured him with a rough shake, a little annoyed as well as
regretful. He'd been too passionate, too forceful. Too much
need and not enough control. Whatever Daniel said, his first time
hadn't been very good and they both knew it.
For Daniel, Jack's
guilty, tender face melted into the effortful softness of last
night. He'd lain there, Jack's thighs warm beneath his
butt, watching Jack. He'd spent so much time watching Jack in the
years they'd been together and yet he'd rarely seen as much of his
friend as Jack had given him while they made love. Daniel was
greedy. "I want you," he whispered against Jack's mouth. It
was the truth. He wanted Jack to go deep, to make him lose
control. He wanted Jack to love him and not be able to hide what
he felt, how much he felt for Daniel. Being needed, seeing
himself through Jack's eyes was going to his head like wine. "I
love you and I want you."
Jack leaned back and
looked at him hard. Then he grinned impudently. "I hope
that means want as in WANT," he asked roguishly, hitching up to wiggle
his ass suggestively.
"You're right at the
top of my to do list." Daniel caressed his cheek against Jack's
and surrendered to the urge to slide his fingers into Jack's
hair. It seemed he'd been wrong about Jack not being the kind of
man you could stroke. Jack loved it when he touched him, moving
at once into his hand, smiling. It had never crossed Daniel's
mind before that Jack could be insecure, but the uncertainty was there
nonetheless. It was a small thing to reassure Jack that he turned
Daniel on, that he was attractive and the sex was good, soooo good; the
truth was easy to give in this case.
"Right after putting
Laidlaw to rest," Jack said casually as he kissed Daniel's
shoulder. He sniggered at Daniel's rueful look.
"It's that obvious,
huh?"
"Shocker," Jack
agreed solemnly.
"Everything is
different than I thought it would be," Daniel admitted with difficulty,
hating to have to talk through this stuff but not able to refuse Jack's
quiet support. "I saw his letter and it was like the last twenty
years had never happened. I was…I was here." He bit his lip
and rested his cheek against Jack's throat. "You know?"
"The stuff you want
to bury deepest is like your oldest friend at three am." Jack
knew. Daniel just had to read his damned distasteful service
record and he wouldn't have to ask how well Jack knew.
"I felt so…so
worthless," Daniel whispered.
Daniel made a sudden
move, like he needed to be away, but Jack held on. He could
survive Daniel angry, but Daniel hurt tore him up inside. "Hard
to hold on to any idea of the value you have if you mean nothing to
other people."
"Hard to hold on to
yourself," Daniel said in a rush.
"You wouldn't let
him fuck you." Jack didn't need the jerky nod against his throat
to know that was how it went down. "Did he hurt you?" he asked
neutrally, hardly daring to breathe. The nod was less definite
this time and Jack swallowed rage as useless as his sympathy at the
soft, unwilling mumble of 'not physically'; what the fuck did that
mean? Jack saw Daniel's agitation and let him roll away to lie
face down in the tumbled pillows and calm himself. He propped
himself up on his elbow, watching and waiting, exerting what little
patience he could muster, his hand spread on the small of Daniel's
back, stroking soothingly.
"He stopped," Daniel
said at last. He lifted his head and looked anxiously at
Jack. "He did stop…before…he stopped," he faltered
helplessly. "I was in love with him." Another quick look
reassured him Jack didn't need to be told that either. "I thought
I was. At fifteen, you think a lot of things…I'd never even
kissed anyone, and we wound up in bed and if he'd given me
anything…ANYTHING…I would have let him fuck me," Daniel whispered
achingly. "I can't believe I was so fucking needy."
"One Sunday morning,
Joey Henner took me out back of his barn to see the bike he was working
on, stuck his tongue down my throat, put his hand on my crotch and I
came right there in my pants," Jack told him solemnly. "Fifteen
is needy." He hesitated, knowing Daniel hated having to face over
and over that something in him drew the predators. He didn't
think it would help Daniel any to tell him it was exactly the qualities
that had long since hooked Jack, all those contradictions that meant
Daniel wasn't EASY. "Laidlaw was needy, Daniel, not you," he
suggested carefully.
"I realise that
now," Daniel said impatiently. "After twenty years." He
rolled onto his back, Jack's hand moving with him, and lay
looking up at the ceiling, idly tracing the pattern of the cornice, too
rounded and feminine for the striking modernity of the pale mauve and
grey colour scheme of the room. It was hard to ignore Jack's
demanding silence. Like always, which was how Jack got past his
'I'm fine' every damn time.
"He couldn't leave
me alone," Daniel surrendered. "Every time I turned round, Will
was there. At school. In the park. The kitchen porch,
where I liked to read…it got sun all day and I…" he trailed off, taking
a shaky breath before he admitted the worst of it. "The bed next
to mine." Jerking off every chance he got, walking around naked
when Annie was out of the house, stealing Daniel's privacy. He
never laid a finger on Daniel again but he didn’t have to. Daniel
was all used up fighting the fear, trying to hang in every time someone
laughed after he'd passed them in the hallway or he was tripped in
class or his books taken and tossed. Or he was called a name to
his face. Or got a smack. More than a smack,
sometimes. It never let up. The pressure was there, on him,
the whole time. It had changed him. Good or bad, it had
changed him.
He turned
convulsively, allowing himself at last to take the comfort Jack so
wanted to give him, the big, rough hands gentle in his hair, against
his clammy skin.
"I love you," Jack
sighed. "I can't think of a goddamn helpful thing to say apart
from that."
"Good enough for
me." Daniel breathed Jack in, the tang of his woodsy soap and sweat
from the way they'd tangled in their sleep, the musk of morning
arousal, deliciously ripe and male.
"Sweet talker," Jack
teased, grinning when Daniel stirred and emerged from his embrace pale
but more composed. "You wanna go see him? Bury this for
good?"
Daniel considered
that, then he shoved Jack flat, propped himself up on Jack's chest and
considered it some more. It was difficult to consider anything
seriously while Jack was playing with his hair, but he did try.
"No," he said at last. "What good would that possibly do me,
Jack? He can't apologise, he can't explain, he can't tell me
anything I want to hear, and I worked out for myself everything I
needed to. I'm not going to make it easy on him," he insisted,
refusing to feel guilty for what felt right. "If he thought about
me every day for the rest of his life, it still wouldn't equal what he
took away from me, living in that fear…" He looked up
determinedly. "I didn't come here to clear his conscience for
him. I came for Annie."
"So let's go see
her," Jack murmured, leaning in to kiss Daniel's brow. There was
more to it than this, much more, but he figured Daniel had bared his
soul enough for one day.
They tumbled out of
bed, washed, brushed and tossed on clothes. Jack went with his
usual jeans and a loose grey-green shirt, and leaned against the window
sill to admire the view as Daniel smoothed down the cream cable knit
sweater - Jack's favourite - over his own jeans and white tee.
From battered workboots to rumpled hair he was sex on legs. "Woo
momma," Jack smacked his lips appreciatively, blithely ignoring
Daniel's forbidding scowl as he stalked over to the door.
He admired the rear view too. "Haughty is a good look on you," he
observed blandly as he locked the door.
"You’re
incorrigible," Daniel accused him.
Jack beamed.
"Thank you. I do try."
Abe trotted out to
greet them as they came down the stairs. "Breakfast?" she called
up to them.
"Depends," Jack said
suspiciously.
"Eggs Benedict," Abe
tempted. "Brioche and preserves. Freshly squeezed orange
juice. Freshly ground premium Colombian Coffee…For two?" she
beamed as Daniel caved over the java.
"Oh, God. I'm
stuffed," Jack groaned. He stiffened as Daniel looked at him
incredulously. "What?"
"N-nothing," Daniel
stammered.
"Are you trying in
your usual ham-fisted way to imply that I am greedy?" Jack asked,
dangerously calm.
Daniel looked
steadily back at him. "Yes," he said defiantly. "Or Abe
wouldn't have asked if you were eating for two."
"She asked if you
were drinking for three," Jack riposted.
"It was excellent
coffee," Daniel said defensively.
"'I could give it up
anytime'," Jack quoted solemnly, "Just keep telling yourself that," he
hooted derisively.
"Like ginger buns,"
Daniel snidely informed the scenery flashing by the car windows.
"In fact, you had three of everything except the buns."
"Shut up."
"You had six of
them."
"I can add."
"Not as well as you
can subtract," Daniel said unkindly.
Jack took his eyes
off the road for a second as he slowed for a stop sign on the outskirts
of town, grinned at his pissy lover, all crossed arms and hostile
sniffing, belatedly realising he wasn't the only one who REALLY liked
ginger buns. "If you're a good boy in town I'll buy you an ice
cream," he promised patronisingly. "There has to be a soda
fountain somewhere."
"Notrianni's.
I went there sometimes with Annie. She loved ice cream," Daniel
said stiffly.
"No Laidlaw?" Jack
asked.
Daniel's grin
quirked. "He didn't frequent the town library. Annie loved
Barbara Cartland. Except the last few pages of course. She
used to say when you'd read one virgin transported to heaven by the
ecstatic power of love, you'd read them all."
Jack
shuddered. "Jesus. Sara used to read that shit. No
wonder she never left a book anywhere I could find it."
"A few hours
escapism never hurt anyone," Daniel made excuse. "Light fiction
is no different than the blockbuster movie or The Simpsons."
"I can tell you with
absolute confidence that Homer never transported anyone to heaven on
the ecstasy of anything!"
"His loss."
Jack ignored the
snarkiness in favour of looking out for a florist and a bakery so they
could stock up goodies for lunch. He found the florist first,
tucked into the somewhat optimistically themed 'Halcyon Homes' on
Fortune Street. With Buffalo a spit up the road, and New York
doable in a day, Jack was amazed anyone would even bother.
Privately, he had to
admit flowers always made him nervous. He'd never been known to
buy Sara a perfume she hadn't specifically asked for, and he never
brought her flowers - he'd grasped every woman had a signature flower
and it was never the one the guy bought - and if it was a floral
apology, she'd be just as likely to thank him and say she preferred her
flowers in the ground. As for chocolate, she'd either been on a
diet or took the chocolates as some sort of reverse psychology from
Jack implying she needed to go on a diet so…He'd once been with her
when she tried on an evening dress and made the terrible mistake of
saying it was nice when asked. Sara had just…looked at him.
Nice. Jesus. Still, she did get to whine about how he never
brought her presents any more.
Jack felt
self-conscious, thinking about Sara when he was with Daniel. It
was force of habit, they'd been together so long and through so
much. He doubted he could stop loving and missing his wife, as
much as he doubted Daniel would want him to. It wasn't like
they'd never talked about her before. It was just different now
Daniel was his lover.
He locked the Lexus
and distractedly followed Daniel into the…Jeez, references to the
lion's den were so hokey.
When faced with an
actual florist in the flesh, Jack either emerged with one of everything
in the store or daisies. No middle ground. He was amazed
and impressed as Daniel chattered easily with the blushing sales
assistant, confidently discussing colour schemes. Mesmerised,
Jack trailed around the shop behind Daniel, who sneezed in an absurdly
cute manner before deciding on carnations as choice of bloom, with
pinks and creams for the colour scheme. Pink in this case seeming
to run the spectrum from a deep wine colour to a barely there blush on
the petals.
Daniel noticed
Jack's stupefaction as the bouquet was being tastefully arranged in the
wicker basket he'd chosen. "Fluent Latin is incredibly useful
when dealing with florists, musicians and doctors, and for annoying
lawyers."
"Uh-huh."
Daniel waited but
apparently that was all Jack had to say on the matter. He handed
over the sixty bucks in cash - Halcyon Homes wouldn't entertain credit
cards and personal cheques - and gently steered Jack and the basket
towards the exit.
"Would you buy a
woman chocolate?" Jack asked out of the blue.
Daniel was
horrified. "Are you nuts?" he gasped.
Jack looked
gloomy. "Would you buy me chocolate?"
Daniel blushed a
little and nudged him with his elbow. "Those Belgian
seashells? I know you love biting the heads off the little
seahorses."
Jack sighed
heart-rendingly. Jesus. Could Daniel be any more
perfect? Only he could get away with saying Jack was fat, greedy
and strange, but it was okay, he loved him for it.
Jack unlocked the
car so Daniel could slide the basket into the back seat. He had
to lean over to arrange the seat belt just right and was startled when
Jack hollered "Buns!" He straightened up with a jerk and
glared. "Not here," he hissed, looking edgily up and down the
street, which was as rushed as the hour ever got in Halcyon.
"No-o," Jack
drawled, looking at him strangely. "There." He pointed to a
bakers shop on the corner.
Daniel bit his lip
in embarrassment. Gawd, he was starting to believe his own
publicity. "Um, don't buy too much," he warned a little
limply. "Abe made us traditional Cornish pasties." Rich
beef in gravy on one side of the pasty and raspberry jelly on the
other, all encased in crisp golden pastry.
Jack waited until
Daniel was sidling into the passenger's seat and leaned down.
"No-o, not here," he drawled softly. "That's why I packed the
blanket." Then he swaggered off before Daniel's open mouth made
it here. Daniel was too easy. How could Jack possibly
resist teasing him until he snapped? Talk about win win.
When Jack emerged
triumphantly from the bakers, Daniel was still trying to work out quite
what Jack wanted to try out on the blanket and how hard to get he was
going to be. Not very, he thought. Jack just had to look at
him like…like this and his knees went.
He meekly accepted
the box and took a quick peek inside to find two huge wedges of rich,
dark coffee walnut cake, oozing what looked like vanilla fudge in place
of cream. Daniel smiled fondly at Jack, glad he'd taken his
warnings to heart and gone easy on the dessert.
"And I got you your
damned ginger bun, so no whining."
Like all graveyards
everywhere, it was manicured, bright with flowers and all the more
scary because of it. Jack had his arm around Daniel's waist, and
Daniel's around his, and didn't give a shit who saw them. They'd
both buried too many friends and too few memories. Plus, even
though he hadn't been a boyfriend for about twenty years, and he was
completely embarrassed about being one now, Jack distinctly remembered
he had certain rights, like getting his S.O. to lean on him when
necessary.
"How's your knee?"
Daniel asked anxiously. Jack really should have stayed in the car
and rested, but naturally the stubborn sonovabitch had been ready to
walk barefoot over hot coals the instant Daniel had suggested it.
He rebalanced the basket, which was damned awkward to carry because of
its size. He had to carry it at arms length, which made him lean
heavily into Jack. It couldn't be doing his knee any good to be
carrying Daniel's weight - which was a sore point as it was, it seemed
- as well as…Daniel turned a murderous look on Jack. "You!" he
seethed, unable to come up with anything that adequately described what
Jack was.
"Bite me," Jack
retorted with cool precision, hugging him rather closer.
"You told me you
hurt your knee while we were…we…I…you!" Words failed Daniel.
"I briefly
referenced the weight of your ass," Jack supplied helpfully.
"While we…" He leered suggestively as he fondled Daniel's ass,
smirking. "You know…"
"You...you!"
"You're hot when
you're speechless," Jack observed happily. "You should try it
more often."
"Being HOT?" Daniel
fired at him.
Jack looked
surprised. "Speechless."
"Alter kocker!"
Jack threw up his
hands in mockingly abject surrender and tried out his most charming
smile. He was glad the flowers were expensive. Daniel
looked like he wanted to hit him with them. "I love you too," he
carolled in an atrocious falsetto.
Daniel stamped on
his foot, leaving him hopping madly on the spot in excruciating pain,
and marched off, muttering darkly under his breath.
Jack grinned.
Given the choice between Daniel arriving at Annie's graveside already
dodging landmines down memory lane or pissed off at Jack and nicely
distracted, well, what choice was there? He hobbled off in
Daniel's wake to find him setting the basket down carefully in a sea of
flowers. Annie was buried in a shady spot beneath a nice old oak
tree. Jack sat himself down against it and patted the pristine
turf invitingly. Daniel lingered for a moment, reading the small
headstone, then came to sit beside him.
"Loving.
Loved," Daniel said quietly.
"Hmm?"
"That's what it
says," he nodded towards the grave. "I didn't miss her," he added
abruptly.
Jack hoped he knew
when to keep his yap shut. He leaned in close, resting his chin
on Daniel's shoulder, feeling the slight tremor that ran through his
slim frame as he dropped his head, focused on nothing. Or maybe
focused on the past. There was nothing Jack could do for Daniel
except show him he was with him, so he reached around, gently took
Daniel's hand in his, and listened to the quiet, dreamy voice, all the
more eloquent for what wasn't said.
"I was so glad to be
away from Halcyon, from Will and Rainey…I lost her," Daniel
confessed. "I couldn't remember anything good. Wouldn't
allow myself to. Annie…" his voice caught a little and he cleared
his throat self-consciously. "Annie was good to me, Jack. I
know you don't believe it, but she gave me everything she could.
I had time with her and that was worth more to both of us than a cheque
for services rendered the state."
They sat quietly,
the breeze cooling them and ruffling Daniel's hair. He sighed and
cut right to the heart of it, why he'd been shocked rigid at the
summons.
He'd never wanted to
face this place again, these people. If Annie really had only
wanted the money, he wouldn't feel so guilty about cutting her
off. Only now when it was far too late could he remember hours at
the piano, Annie patiently correcting his fingers on the keys each time
he struck a wrong note, more excited with passion than precision.
Annie making chicken cacciatore for him with a recipe she claimed was
handed down from seven cookbooks and all the terrible why did the
chicken? jokes. Bullying the librarian into ordering book after
book for him from other libraries. Tearing a strip off his
history teacher for giving him detention because he'd disagreed with
the reasons stated in the textbook for…God, he couldn't remember which
textbook, but he remembered Annie's wine coloured beret and the silky
fur cuffs she'd sewn to the sleeves of her coat to hide them when they
wore threadbare.
Annie had asked for
him, when she was ill. She hadn't forgotten Daniel but he…
"I buried Annie
years ago."
Jack was curled up
with Daniel in bed, wondering why nothing with Daniel was ever
easy. You'd think after five years, he'd have realised the
futility of making assumptions. He still didn't know if Daniel
had snowed him all along about why he was so damned upset, or if Daniel
hadn't realised it himself until they stood at Annie's graveside, but
after that stark pronouncement, Daniel had withdrawn. Jack hadn't
been able to get another word out of him so he'd regretfully canned the
picnic and brought Daniel back to Abe's.
Daniel was
quiet. Too quiet, in Jack's not particularly humble opinion, and
though he was wrapped around Jack and clinging, he was also a little
shivery. Guilt, Jack suspected, deserved or not.
Jack still thought
not. When it came to how good a 'mother' Annie had been, Jack had
one acid test. Had Daniel ever set foot in Notrianni's on his
own? Jack highly doubted it. Charlie had never been afraid
to go anywhere or been in any trouble he couldn't come to them
about. His son had never been alone.
He doubted Daniel
had ever voluntarily gone out looking for trouble, but then he hadn't
had to. He'd lived with it and Annie either hadn’t seen a goddamn
thing or had, and all the things she'd done with Danny were a way to
make sure he didn't bring trouble of his own to her door. If
Daniel had complained to his caseworker his foster brother was bullying
him and had sexually abused him, he'd have been yanked away from the
old homestead and the precious college money with him.
None of which he
could say to Daniel without hurting him. Instead, Jack kissed him
gently and rhythmically rubbed his back. Sometimes it was easier
to let Daniel carry a load than it was to relieve him of it. He'd
get past this guilt quicker than he'd get past what was most likely
Annie's betrayal or knowing just how Jack's mind really worked.
Christ, he gave Daniel enough to worry over as it was. More than
enough.
Daniel sighed
heavily and unclenched a little, shifting position until he and Jack
were both comfortably tangled. "Thanks," he said simply.
"De nada," Jack
proudly displayed his own linguistic versatility. "Better?"
Daniel lingeringly
kissed the bruise on Jack's shoulder.
"It was the cake,"
Jack observed, returning the kiss. Daniel had sexy
shoulders. Sexy everything really. The small of his back
was wonderful. The nape…oy. "That helped."
Daniel looked
guilelessly back and licked his lips slowly and deliberately.
Jack assisted him.
"I bet that really
helped. Nothing like scarfing down someone else's snacks to get
over the worst of a trauma," Jack persisted.
"Not that you're
bitter or anything."
"No." Jack
stroked his finger over Daniel's smooth chest.
Daniel just snuggled
right back into his arms, like frosting wouldn't melt.
"We could have
comfort sex," Jack offered bravely.
"I'm fine," Daniel
whispered, lifting Jack's hand to kiss his fingers.
"I meant for me,"
Jack corrected him with cold dignity. "You ate both pieces.
And the bun."
"Well, in that
case…" Daniel rolled onto his back and did his best to look
sultry and inviting. Jack amazed him by finding his toes the most
sultry thing on offer. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked
incredulously. There were, like, other things Jack could
suck. Especially if he needed the calories. A few seconds
later he was thumping into the mattress, pinned flat by what felt like
a ton of aroused, outraged Jack.
Daniel was annoyed -
and self-conscious - about just how much he liked this. He was
slightly more annoyed by how much Jack liked this, especially as Jack
hooked Daniel's legs around his waist. "I'm not going to just lie
here," Daniel complained. While you…you…Actually, that's a good
point. What do they call this?"
"What? That?"
"Yes!
Ohgodohgodohgod, yes! That!"
"Payback."
Daniel decided
having his legs wrapped around Jack's back was fine. Better than
fine. Not that Jack really needed encouragement, but this was
spurring him on to new heights of exertion. Daniel moaned and
arched his back as he clung to Jack's shoulders. Friction.
Who knew? Jack's penis was grinding into his as he pounded
frantically into Daniel's body, driving them both relentlessly up the
bed in a tangle of sweat-soaked sheets and hot skin and aching.
"Oh, Jack!"
Daniel buried his face against Jack's shoulder as pleasure spiked
through him.
"No biting!" Jack
called, visibly alarmed.
"Wuss," Daniel
sneered, dragging Jack's head down to kiss him fiercely, plundering his
mouth, ravaging Jack as he wracked Daniel's body with pleasure.
His thrusts became stabs into the soft, moist heat as the kiss
deepened. He and Jack strained together, slippery with sweat and
losing any semblance of control. They were soooo close…Daniel bit
down on Jack's tongue and Jack came hard against him, the shock of heat
splashing over his groin driving him over the edge…
Jack collapsed onto
Daniel's chest, wheezing, slick heat cooling between their bodies to
sticky mess. Daniel hugged him close and kissed his face tenderly.
"Mmmm," Jack
groaned. Gooood sex. The best. "What does alter
kocker mean?" he muttered as he lifted his head to stare at Daniel's
red face and damp hair.
"Old fart."
Daniel closed the
curtains on the setting sun and slipped back into bed. "I'm not
sorry I came," he told Jack, smiling a little
"Damned with faint
praise," Jack said tragically, flinging himself into the pillows for
emphasis.
"Shut up, Jack,"
Daniel tried - and failed - to snap. He was horrified to find
himself feeling…well, indulgent towards Jack. Okay, more
indulgent. If only Jack wasn't so good at everything they did in
bed - everything - Daniel might stand a chance. Every time he
looked at Jack he just wanted that beautiful, talented mouth on his
body. Anywhere. Everywhere. He was doomed. He
wanted to crawl into Jack's lap and kiss. He was sure they could
work the egg salad into the scenario somehow. They were both
resourceful.
"Tell me about
Rainey," Jack invited softly, wishing he'd realised sooner Daniel was a
total egg salad slut, especially warm, finely chopped egg salad oozing
juicy tomatoes. It was messy. It was sticky. It might
be enough to get him past the Martha Stewart sex stuff and into the
fun. His lover was pretty damn near perfect, unfortunately still
including his bedside manners.
"She helped me
understand a lot about what makes people tick," Daniel answered readily
enough. "She was my friend."
Jack had difficulty
making lady in red and Daniel fit together after the way Daniel had
blanked on who she was at the chapel.
"Until Will started
dating her," Daniel went on placidly.
"Clever bastard,"
Jack shook his head, reluctantly admiring Laidlaw's tactics.
Divide and conquer, huh? Not that it had worked on Daniel.
"I suppose he was
deliberately trying to deprive me of my support system," Daniel
mused. "Make me turn to him."
"What did the fuck
did he hope to accomplish?" Jack snapped. He hesitated, slid his
plate to safety and put his arm around Daniel. "Look, I know you
haven't told me the details, but…" he began earnestly. "If you
want…you can tell me anything, Daniel. Anything," he offered
pointedly, practically daring Daniel to refuse him.
Daniel flushed, then
paled. "I know," he said awkwardly. "I do know. It's
just so…He was nice to me, Jack. Far kinder than I'd expected, at
least at first. And he was so…"
"Hot?" Jack asked
with leaden irony.
Daniel sighed,
shamefaced.
"You had a
crush." It wasn't a question.
"He would stand so
close. I…he knew how attracted to him I was." Daniel looked
at Jack. "I didn't exactly hide it. The first couple of
months here I was just in a daze of happiness."
"Christmas? He
set out to seduce you. Got you drunk," Jack grimly joined the
dots.
"It started before
then. He would kiss me…I kissed him back. Willingly.
He kissed me that night too, not just once, but…We wound up on the
couch. We were both drinking. I remember that. He
wanted to go to bed with me. He asked." Daniel looked
earnestly at Jack. "He did ask and I did agree."
"You can't hold your
drink for shit," Jack reminded him wearily.
Daniel was too tired
to argue that Will hadn't known that. It was splitting too fine a
hair for Jack because Will had got Daniel drunk to get him into
bed. "He got me out of my clothes so fast…it was obvious he'd
been with people."
"I bet it was
obvious you hadn't and don't tell me it wasn't a huge turn-on you were
a virgin," Jack snarled.
"You tell me, Jack,"
Daniel invited softly. Jack dropped his head. "Will wasn't
a rapist, Jack, if that's what you're thinking. He was just
selfish and needy and he went crazy for me. We were naked and
rolling around, kissing, and he put my hand on his penis. I got
it. I wasn't that naïve. I masturbated him - clumsily
- and he came and that was it. He crashed. He didn't think
about me at all. He just needed to get off."
"And then he needed
to fuck you."
Daniel
shrugged. "He was too late. I had too long to think, to
realise he was using me because he was desperate and I'd be right there
in the next bed, a good fuck whenever he needed it. A tight,
grateful virgin," he said bitterly. "I said no. I said no
and I meant it and once he realised I did mean it, he stopped."
The look on Jack's face made him grimace. "He didn't hurt me and
he did stop. I was humiliated but he didn't hit me and he didn't
force me."
"Laidlaw was
humiliated," Jack corrected. "So he started bullying you?
Because you dared to say no? I bet Rainey didn't know her
boyfriend started all this because he wanted to fuck you, not her."
"I imagine
not." Daniel hoped she never knew. He had no idea how Will
lived his life now, if he was straight, gay or bi. He'd never
known if he was the only boy Will had gone for. He hadn't wanted
to know, and still didn't. Rainey had too much to reproach
herself with as it was if she had cared for Daniel at all.
"I think you
underestimate how much he wanted you, Daniel," Jack said tightly.
"Seriously. Like you said to him, he hasn't got past this.
You did. He might have been a selfish, horny little bastard, but
he kept pushing, kept coming back to you. Wounded pride doesn't
cover that. It doesn't come close."
"I think that's what
I finally worked out when I saw him again," Daniel offered. "That
hold he had - whatever it was - I didn't feel anything for him. I
wasn't afraid. I wasn't…I didn't care."
"You got yourself
through it," Jack praised him caressingly, laughing a little as Daniel
blushed and glared at him unconvincingly. "Was the bullying bad?"
he asked abruptly.
Daniel jerked away
from him instinctively, all the answer Jack needed.
He took a deep,
difficult breath, looking away, giving Daniel that much of an
out. "Maybe I can tell you about Iraq some day," he asked
hesitantly. "I think…maybe you'd get it. Maybe. The
psychiatrist…" His fists clenched involuntarily. "Nobody
fucking gets it!" he said angrily, flinching as Daniel's fingers cupped
his chin and turned his face. He caught at Daniel's hair clumsily
when he rested his temple against Jack's.
"I'm here for you,"
Daniel promised. "Whatever you need."
"Old news."
"Smug bastard."
"What I need is
this," Jack went on determinedly. "I need you to let me in, let
me listen. Talk. Help, if I can. That's all."
He looked right into Daniel's eyes and saw recognition.
Acceptance. More, so much more his heart skipped a beat.
"Whatever you need,"
Daniel promised again, smiling a little.
Maybe they hadn't
saved the world, but this, the two of them just being together, that
was a victory of sorts.
FINIS
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