HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT BY BIBLIO: PART TWO

Slash:	Jack and Daniel involved in a loving and committed relationship, which usually involves sex.
Rating:	PG-13
Category:	Character Study. Angst. Drama. Episode Related. First Time. Friendship. Romance.
Season/Spoilers:	Season 4.  An episode tag for "Divide & Conquer"
Synopsis:	Love and friendship, affection and attraction, all bound up in ambiguity and sublimation.
Warnings:	None
Length:	200 Kb Download a printer-friendly PDF version of the story

George gave me a go to gate through to Vorash at first light and I feel I'm doing nothing more than taking him at his word even though the first light is my flashlight. I wave it around for effect. The lazy bastards can come over here and ambush me. I'm not taking a swan-drive down a dune for their amusement.

"Helloooo!"

Loose translation: take me to my linguist.

Not that he's mine, per se.

I'm not possessive, no matter what Teal'c says. How could I be? I'm not having that problem the zanax thingie, the snake, the host and the Jaffa insist I'm having. Not me, nosir, no way.

"Helloooo!"

I am more than happy to begin shooting if the ambush does not proceed in an orderly manner.

"Colonel O'Neill."

Oh, gimme a break! I don't even get to shoot one of these suckers in the ass? I've got the bad light and everything!

"Welcome to Vorash."

I know this guy. "Didn't you try to kill me last time we met? Alvin, is it?

"Aldwin."

"Right."

"This way, Colonel." Aldwin gestures and I obediently follow, dunes and dives very much on my mind. Not that I'm looking forward to the ring experience either. I never know how they know where the damn things are in broad daylight and I've seen what happens when bits of you are in the wrong place. They stay in the wrong place. The rest of you doesn’t. You never get any warning either, you're just standing there for a second and then you're -

"Jeez!"

Someplace else!

"Take me to Dr. Jackson," I state politely as soon as my molecules judder to a complete halt, pull themselves together and scoot my ass out of harm's way.

"I do not believe he has arisen yet," Aldwin replies mildly. "Allow me to show you to your quarters. I will inform the council of your arrival."

Only an idiot would make a fuss. As soon as they park my butt in my assigned waiting room, I'm outta there. They haven't said I can't take a look around on my own.

If I don't ask, they can't say no.

"Peachy."

"Follow me."

Aldwin is as much of a sparkling conversationalist as ever, I see.

"Just one question," I ask as he leads me through the hallways, which all look like their druggie decorator - in his blue period - took his inspiration from the 60s. "We've never really stuck around here all that long. Where exactly do you guys take a bathroom break?" I can't keep going up to the surface to pee.

Aldwin just looks at me. It’s a different look than the one Daniel gives me when I'm humorous. I know he thinks I'm funny just like I know he thinks it's a really bad idea to encourage me. He's laughing on the inside even if he's rolling his eyes and sighing on the outside. Aldwin just looks at me.

"Tough room."

Tough mattress!

"Don't you think you're taking the orthopaedic support thing just a smidgeon too far?" I eye the, for want of a better word, slab, gracing my bijou guest pad. "The floor looks more comfortable."

"Your weapons, Colonel."

I look innocent, patting my MP-5 fondly. "We carry weapons to defend ourselves."

"I am aware of your reasoning, Colonel. We have had the same argument each time you have visited Vorash. If you wish to retain your weapons, it will be my pleasure to escort you back to the Stargate and return you to the SGC."

Somehow, I have no doubt of his sincerity. It would be his pleasure to boot my butt back through the wormhole. I make the usual vocal fuss as I hand them over. I do have a reputation to maintain and there's no point arousing any inconvenient suspicions.

"Remain here until you are summoned," Aldwin instructs.

I know he doesn't mean that. If he did, he would have left guards.

I ditch my pack, which contains nothing exciting, then park my behind on the slab long enough to let Aldwin get clear, wait a little longer after that just to be sure, then I mosey on out to find my linguist.

The hallways are clear, but just in case of awkward questions, I'm prepared with awkward answers. Aldwin did not in fact tell me where the bathroom is. I'm more than happy to explain, 'why, no, I couldn't wait until he came back to get me,' in as much graphic detail as it takes.

Everything looks the same, all the hallways, all the small, open rooms. I see dark, unmoving shapes here and there in the gloom and wonder if the Tok'ra sleep or if they meditate the way Teal'c does.

I walk and walk, trying to orient myself, and then I hear Daniel's voice, soft as always, but unmistakably his. He's answered by a deeper, resonant voice. I turn a corner and there they are, Daniel and the Grand High Pooh-Bah himself, standing very close together. Percy has his hands on Daniel's shoulders and I don't like this, I don't like it at all. The guy is huge, he looks like he could snap Daniel in two. He lowers his head and I'm already moving when I actually take in what I'm seeing.

Daniel.

Daniel is reaching up, lifting his face as Per'sus kisses him, gently at first. Daniel likes it though, I can see how much he likes it. He looks dazed and he touches his mouth and Per'sus gathers him up and kisses him hard, with so much pleasure and passion that Daniel is losing it, clinging and kissing him back.

I think Daniel kissing is the hottest thing I've ever seen and then I think it should be me.

I duck back into the shadows and hug the wall, shaking and shaking, rage boiling up and choking me in a fury of denial. He should be kissing me. He's mine. Mine!

"I really think we should stop doing this!" Daniel protests breathlessly. "I don't know where it's taking us."

The answer is too low for me to catch but Daniel stutters Percy's name in response.

I know exactly where they're headed if Percy has his way. I don't believe this. It never occurred to me Daniel might actually like the guy! He does like him, though. A lot. When I sneak another look, I see how Daniel moves shyly into the offered embrace and they kiss again, even more deeply than before. Daniel lifts a hand to rest against Percy's throat while Percy's big hands slide down his back to hold his ass.

A gentleman would probably accept he's beaten and bow out gracefully at this point.

Personally, I plan to get Percy the Pervert alone someplace and stuff his snake so far down his throat it bites his ass. I don't quit until I'm dead and even then I've been known to bounce back. Daniel is mine and he'd better get that and quick.

Time to make my entrance. I'm not hanging out here sweating and fuming while Percy molests my Daniel. I back up the hallway and grumble loudly about the inexplicable absence of restrooms.

"Jack?"

I step out boldly just as Daniel emerges from Percy's bedroom, flushed, rumpled and suspiciously bright-eyed. I think he's happy to see me. I think. Or it could just be a residual glow from the most thorough kissing he's ever had in his life. Of course, he hasn't been kissed by me yet.

"Jack!"

My god, he is happy to see me!

"Freya will be happy to see you."

The kissing thing? The sooner the better in my opinion. I may be in love with him but I can stand him without the attitude. Humour is my bag.

"High Councillor Per'sus, this is Colonel Jack O'Neill," Daniel cheerily introduces me.

"We've met," I reply coolly. "You were shot at the time."

"I was sorry for the loss of Major Graham and Captain Blasdale," Percy offers his condolences at once.

Weird how he remembers them and not me, huh? He may have had his hands on Daniel's ass but he isn't confident enough of him to appreciate an old friend showing up out of the blue, especially one Daniel quite likes.

I thank god for this small mercy and decide antagonising Percy in front of Daniel is a really bad idea. Tragically, Daniel quite likes him too.

"I'm sorry for the loss of Martouf," I reply with dignity.

Daniel is so taken aback by this he walks into the wall.

I'm starting to think I may have a little work to do, here.

"Will one of your minions transfer my gear here or Daniel's gear to my place?" I enquire cheerfully as I hook a hand around Daniel's elbow and steer.

"Um," Daniel says vaguely, finally reassured, after much futzing, that his glasses are still in one piece, although from all the wrinkling, his nose may be doubtful.

"That will not be necessary," Percy responds heavily.

"When we met, High Councillor," I reiterate with iron patience, "You were shot. And that's not even addressing what went down at the SGC."

"I have personally guaranteed Dr. Jackson's safety."

"I'm aware of that," I reply evenly. "And yet, I insist."

"I don't have a problem sharing with Jack," Daniel interjects, surprising me. He flashes me a grateful look and just to make sure, mouths 'thanks!' at me. "I'm sure your own guards would be a lot more comfortable with this arrangement, Per'sus."

This about floors me. I hadn't missed the fact the bodyguards are conspicuous by their absence but I'm surprised Daniel has noticed it too. I could maybe wish he was equally as aware why Percy wanted them to make themselves scarce, absence making the libido grow fonder and all that, but damn! Was that my boy getting all tactical on me or something?

Sadly, Per'sus doesn't go postal and treat Daniel to a disgusting display of jealous rage. He surrenders gracefully.

I don't really care. Tonight, Daniel will be parked on my slab, and not his, and I can start on my fact-finding. Just what is it Percy has that I don't? Apart from being nicer, taller, and possibly, to the myopic, clueless and undiscerning, sexier and better-looking.

I have to win this one. I do not handle rejection well. I mean, I could probably take it knowing Daniel isn't attracted to men full-stop but knowing that he is and just isn't attracted to me? No. I don't think so. I have to win. Daniel is mine. I just have to figure out some ways to let him in on this. 

I can't believe Jack is here. I can't understand why he's here. Yesterday, he seemed to be pretty much blanking me. Today, he's my best friend? The irony here is very much intended. I just don't get it. Why so nice? Why now?

He doesn't seem to have had any problem making me feel like shit any other time recently.

Now he's not just being nice to me but to the Tok'ra gathered here in the council chamber! I'm braced for a punchline which so far hasn't come. Everything Jack's saying makes perfect tactical sense, which is why I'm having such a hard time believing it. He's being politic. He's scaring me.

"So you don't have any idea which Goa'uld is responsible for programming the Zatarcs?" Jack asks Anise.

"We do not. The self-destruction of each Zatarc is clearly intended to prevent them from revealing anything of their mission or the perpetrator of the programming." Anise looks sober, even for her cheery personality. "I have observed that each Zatarc we have detected appears to return to their senses as they take their own lives. I find this most disturbing."

"It's calculated cruelty," I respond.

"I agree, Doctor Jackson," Anise inclines her head towards me, looking slightly less forbidding than normal.

I find it alarming that she's drawn to me on an intellectual level. I don't know what that means. I don't want to know. I don't want Anise helping me to find out. I find it equally alarming that Freya has yet to put in an appearance and she tried to seduce Jack! Anise can't be more drawn to me than Freya is to Jack. If I was anyone else it wouldn’t be conceivable. Why do I get the scary, manipulative one?

That's a rhetorical question.

"I'd recommend instituting security measures, effective immediately," Jack pipes up. "Once you've cleared all the Tok'ra currently on base, screen everyone returning from an off-world mission. We have similar protocols in place to screen all returning personnel for infestation by a parasitic Goa'uld."

I wince at this off-hand tactlessness, leaning around Jack to shoot a slightly apologetic look to Per'sus, sitting to his right.

"Colonel O'Neill's suggestion is one I fear we will have to implement," Per'sus informs the council. "Select suitable candidates and train them to operate the Zatarc device, Anise. We must be prepared at all times to meet this insidious threat to our security."

"It may be possible from our examination of Martouf's body to identify physiological markers of a Zatarc," Anise replies. "Which in turn could lead to the design of a more effective detection device. A less invasive screening procedure will, I hope, help to safeguard the life of any Zatarc detected."

"Systematic screening could help you to identify the Goa'uld who's responsible," I suggest. "Not that I want you to find a single other Zatarc in your ranks," I add, feeling I've had a moment of Jackian tact.

"I take your point, Daniel," Per'sus agrees. "If we do identify other Zatarc among us, we will be able to establish a pattern of vulnerable planetary systems and from that pattern we may be able to identify the System Lord responsible. It is only then that we will be able to battle this threat. At present we know too little to counteract the Zatarcs."

"Are you sure it's a Goa'uld who's responsible?" Jack queries.

"We are examining the weapon which Major Carter was able to retrieve from Martouf after she killed him. We hope to have more answers shortly," Anise reports matter-of-factly.

"Answers you'll share?" Jack retorts sharply, abruptly losing some of his urbanity.

This doesn't surprise me. He has been somewhat protective of Sam recently.

"We will share with you all that you need to know, Colonel," Per'sus answers, with a swift, humorous glance to me.

I return his smile.

Jack leans forward, rudely propping his elbows on the table.

I'm almost grateful to have him sitting between Per'sus and me. I'm trying very hard to keep my mind on our discussions which isn't easy to do when I can still taste Per'sus in my mouth. I keep telling myself to say no, that this can't go anywhere, and then he kisses me and I forget. I wish I understood this. I'm not exactly quivering with raging lust or rendered mute by his presence or anything.

I guess if I'm having to face facts, the reason I'm not saying no is pretty obvious. I don't want to beat myself up about this, not when Per'sus seems as realistic as I am about the unlikelihood of it going anywhere.

Is it the end of the world to be lonely? To enjoy some attention for a change? Jack has kind of cut me out of the loop. The only time the two of us have even met up outside of work recently, we started a fight in O'Malley's and got banned for life.

Unfortunately, Jack is not the only one. Somehow we keep ending up on opposite sides, three against one, and I'm the one.

I sigh.

Even when I can read really fast, when I have super powers, all people see is a geek. After four years, that's still all Jack seems to see. We do seem to be as incompatible as friends as he told me we were, not too long ago. He was right, too. Even if I am supposed to be a bright guy, I didn't sense anything. I didn't see this coming.

It's more than friendship for me, more than respect. I - I admire Jack. It hurts that he doesn't hold me in the same regard. I thought he did, but what do I know?

Jeez. Listen to me. I sound pathetic, like some little kid snivelling in the schoolyard because the big boys don't like me. Not that I ever snivelled!

"Daniel?"

I look up blankly. Everyone is making a move except me. The council meeting is over.

"Would you care to?"

"We have to-"

I blink at Per'sus and Jack, each trying to talk over the top of the other. "I need some air."

"Are you unwell, Daniel?"

"You're not going anywhere alone."

"I'm not sick, Per'sus, and yes, Jack, I'd like to take a walk alone."

"I would not advise it," Per'sus replies, looking at me in concern. "But if you are decided on this, then it will be as you wish."

It's nice to be treated as an adult for a change.

"I don't advise it, and happily, I make the decisions for both of us, so it'll be as I wish," Jack snaps, glaring at Per'sus.

I rest my case! I want my walk.

"Hey! Daniel! Wait up!"

No, I don't think so. In my case, misery doesn't love company.

"For cryin' out loud, Daniel!" Jack hisses in exasperation, grabbing my hand to tug me to a halt.

I tug back.

Jack refuses to let go. "What's wrong with you?"

He's not mad and it throws me. I didn't expect his sympathy. He's holding my hand and being nice. I don't understand him or how he has the power to move me. "What's happening?" I ask bewildered.

"I'm trying to apologise."

"Didn't we just do this?" He held my hand over a DHD on another world and said he was sorry, for, I think, the first time.

"Did it work?"

"Do you want the truth?"

"Always."

"Do you?" Nothing he's done recently would suggest he wants anything of the kind, not to me. Not from me, either, not the truth.

"Tell me."

"No, Jack. No. It didn't work. I'm not five years old. You can't hold my hand and make it all better."

"I'm sorry." He still doesn't let go, though.

"Jack."

"There's a lot I don't see." He's staring at me with so much earnestness, willing me to believe him. "Myself included," Mr. Introvert adds with humorous grimace.

"You're sorry."

"Try to sound as if you believe it, Daniel."

"So the next time we disagree, you won't humiliate me in front of our friends and anyone else who happens to be passing just to score a point?"

Jack winces but refuses to look away. "No. I won't."

I don't believe him. "Why would you say it's never enough for me? Where did that come from, Jack?" It still hurts. It shouldn't, at least, I shouldn't allow it to. Unfortunately, unhappy as I am about holding on to these feelings, I can understand why I can't let them go. It's a matter of principle. Unfairness burns me up inside. "It's not about me." Jack shouldn't need to be told that. He knows me.

Jack looks around edgily and lets go of my hand only to take my arm and steer me off down the hallway. "We can talk more up on the surface."

"Since when do we talk?" I enquire plaintively.

The look Jack shoots me is wry. "You're quite right, Daniel. We don't talk." He emphasises the 'we' bitingly. "Correction: I talk. You just listen and make like limpet lips when it's your turn."

Limpet lips? Dear god, where does he dredge up these dreadful similes?

"Guess what?" he says brightly.

"We're in the wrong hallway?"

"What?" Jack looks blankly at the walls. "No!"

We're in the wrong hallway.

"Your turn to spill your guts and completely embarrass yourself."

Speaking of turning, we'd better take a left at the next intersection.

I shrug off the special treat he's offering me. "Nothing to spill."

"We resolved everything in two minutes flat?"

Everything I care to resolve. "I don't want to talk to you, Jack."

"Why not?" Jack is surprised and hurt.

His blindness annoys me. I know he just admitted he can't see everything clearly but recognition is a long way from resolution. Too far for me. "Whenever I try, you tell me to shut up."

"I already said that won't happen."

"You also said we weren't friends."

"Oh, come on!" Jack complains, rolling his eyes. "I was acting. You know why! Maybourne? Sting operation? Ring any bells?" He shakes his head, frustrated. "Acting!"

"You said that, yes," I reply pleasantly. "I would have believed you, Jack, I mean, I really wanted to believe you-"

"The whole friendship thing is solid," he reminds me sharply.

"Not from where I'm standing."

"What?" I can see he didn't expect this.

"On the outside," I reply steadily. "Looking in." He didn't expect that either. "If you want me to believe we're still friends, Jack, you can try acting like one." I take my left turn as he storms ahead. Same old, same old.

"That was not funny."

He followed. He came after me. I - I thought he'd get pissed and just keep on walking. Take the easy way out.

"Yes, it was." I stumble over the words.

"No, it wasn't."

"Was."

"Wasn't." Jack has an odd light in his eyes. He does think it was funny, he just won't admit it.

This shakes me as much as anything. Why didn't he keep on walking? The Jack who's been around recently hasn't had much time for our usual silliness and strange non sequiturs. He hasn't had any time for me full-stop.

"Are we just people who work together?" I ask impulsively, pulling a face at how stiff and small I sound.

"God, no!" Jack retorts emphatically. "No, Daniel." He reaches up to squeeze my shoulder, scowling for effect at the Tok'ra stationed nearby to operate the rings. Moments later we're up to our ankles in sand.

Jack shudders and scoots me to safety. "That just isn’t right," he confides seriously. "It's unnatural."

"If everyone shared that attitude, you wouldn't have cable," I retort cynically. Jack appears to find this a persuasive argument. At least, he grabs me by the scruff of the neck and gives me an affectionate shake.

This isn't just confusing. It's surreal.

"We're friends," Jack promises softly. "The best of friends."

Walking seems like the only sensible option at this point, with Jack being weird and clinging like ivy.

"Do I piss you off, Daniel?"

"Most of the time."

"Ditto," he comments pleasantly.

"But we're friends." Am I making a statement or asking a question?

"The best of friends," Jack emphasises. "Ever wonder why?"

"We work - worked," I correct myself carefully, "On the whole friendship thing."

"Hence the solidity of our foundations," Jack responds on cue, eyeing Vorash with less enthusiasm than he's been eyeing the Tok'ra. He's not a fan of sandy planets. "Why?"

Do I care?

I steal a swift glance and find he's looking at me anyway. I find myself flushing.

I care. We both know it.

The only answer I can give is a casual shrug which brings the smile back to Jack's face and his hand to my shoulder for another gentle squeeze.

"You're acting weird!" It comes out a bit more accusingly than I intended.

"I feel weird."

"It shows."

We walk for a while as the planet warms and light streaks the sky to brilliance, neither of us seeming sure what to say. We don't do this. We don't communicate. We've never really needed to. Most times I get tongue-tied and when I don’t, I piss people off, while Jack is the taciturn antithesis of the stereotypical talkative Irishman. And yet, that's always worked for us in a way, not against. I mean, I've never known anyone who could just look at me and know what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling, what I want and can't ask for. Who hears what I mean even when it's not what I say. Maybe it's like that for Jack too. Maybe it's why we work at our friendship thing. We both need it. We need us.

"You haven't explained anything, Jack," I say at last, risking a small, tentative smile. "Why you need to have this out here. " I gesture out at the shimmering sands rippling away from us to the horizon. "Now."

"Maybe I learned something."

I'm watching him, seeing him turn serious yet without the edge of anger I've been failing to get used to. "From the interrogation?" It seems a logical deduction. He doesn't ask questions of himself unless he's made to, something he's now openly acknowledging.

"From all of them," Jack says dryly. "From the first one, I realised I don't let me know myself too well. From the second, I learned I care too much. From the third." He bites off the end of the sentence, looking at me with strange intensity.

"The third?"

"I'm not sure I can tell you. I'm not sure you can know," he says simply. He doesn't look as if he wants to say anything more but there's this determination too, as if he wants to do the right thing but doesn't yet know what it is.

"If we're friends, don't shut me out," I ask hesitantly.

"If I let you in, we might not stay friends," Jack replies soberly. He suddenly turns and scrambles up the side of the dune we're navigating, parking his butt at the top of it.

Thinking this is getting serious, I follow him.

"I think you could tell me anything," I offer, hoping he can believe that. The silence and the isolation are what hurt me.

Jack sits staring down at the sand trickling into his footprints without acknowledging my invitation.

Feeling out of my depth, I'm prepared to wait too. My friend is a proud man and a private one, and he needs my help. That's all I know. That's pretty much all I need. I'm not good at this, at the people stuff, and that's another reason I work at it. Jack sits and I sit with him, glancing at him from time to time but mostly trying not to intrude while he struggles with whatever this is. The minutes stretch out and still Jack says nothing. He can't even look at me, his fists balled on his knees as he stares and stares at the sand.

I'm worried for him. Jack doesn't do this. When he has a problem, at least, when he sees he does, he tackles it head on. He doesn't know any other way.

"I have - feelings."

The strained, low-voiced confession takes me by surprise.

"Feelings?"

There are times of intense clarity and certainty, times an idea is so right your whole body sings with it. You may not know how or why it's so right, but you feel that it is. This is one of those times and I'm furious! I guess I knew what was going on, as little as I wanted to be made to face it. Jack and Sam - neither of them has exactly been subtle. I've been watching all the pieces fall into place and refusing to accept the sense of them. I didn't - I don't want to be in competition with Sam. I won't be. If Jack is trying to tell me there's room for us both, that we can still be friends, that's better than the deal I'm currently getting. I still hate it. I don’t know what to think.

"What?" I snap.

"What?"

I flush again. I thought he was talking. He's waiting, for what, I don't know. This is the part where he tells me one of them has to leave the team, right? The part where I lose one of them. The part where I - I lose Jack.

I hate the waiting. I hate the heavy silence. "Feelings?" I prompt sharply.

Jack takes my face in his hands and I stare at him, swallowing hard. He looks so stern, determined and hopeless at the same time. This is going to be bad. I can't let him do this alone, I can't be this small. I don't remember ever seeing Jack desperate and I can't bear to see the blind look in his eyes.

"Jack?"

I reach out to him instinctively and he takes hold of me, pulling me off-balance. As I topple into him, he puts his arms around me and kisses me on the lips for a few seconds, very obviously experimentally, then he leans back and stares at me.

"Oh my god," I whimper, absolutely stunned.

Jack kisses me again.

I can't believe this. I can't. This is - this is insane. Jack is kissing me. Jack! The man who wants me to bleed cammo!

Jack sits back and glares at me accusingly. "Goddammit, Daniel," he grumbles, totally pissed. "I want to kiss you again!"

"Which makes it my fault how, exactly?" I snap, rallying slightly.

Jack pulls off my glasses before I can stop him and glares at me some more, as if I'm somehow compounding my offence, whatever that may be. "Talk about having your ass against the wall," he bitches to the dune in general while ignoring me in particular.

"What the hell are you babbling about, Jack?" I demand angrily as he carelessly drops my glasses in the sand. I reach for them and he yanks me up close to him.

"You! You've got me batting for the other team!" he hollers and then he kisses me again. Third time apparently is the charm in the O'Neill offensive, because he sighs gustily and really gets into it, his mouth rubbing warmly over mine.

I'm mad at him and he knows it. There is absolutely no excuse for me to be rubbing back. I blame it on shock. We break apart after a minute or so of quite nice mutual rubbing and hostilities resume.

"Batting for the other team?" I demand. "That is not how I would phrase such a - such a life changing event!"

"I want you," Jack interrupts rudely.

"You, er, you?" I stutter.

"Want to have sex with you? Yes, dammit. Right now!" Again, apparently, this is solely my fault.

There's a certain appeal to this forcefulness. I'm really quite horrified, at him and at myself. There is no way I should be encouraging Jack in this kind of behaviour. I know what he's like. Give him an inch and he takes everything.

"We're friends," I object, somewhat provocatively.

Jack certainly seems to think so. He kisses me again. My response falls far short of the requisite cold dignity. In fact, despite my best intentions, and I think Jack's, I'm quite co-operative. I kiss him back. He seems to like the feel of my mouth on his and sets about exploring.

After a very little mutual nibbling, he inconveniently frees my motor mouth.

"This is impossible! Inconceivable! I'm incredulous!"

"God," Jack groans. "You're still talking." He immediately remedies this terrible state of affairs by kissing me again.

I never imagined he could be so sweet. I never imagined this at all. The gentle pressure against my lips is warm and persuasive. I put my arms around him and kiss him back.

"It would help," Jack whispers, "if you would not do that."

"Do what?"

"Kiss me back."

"Oh." Tough. I kiss him some more, liking the way his mouth moves with mine. "Why?"

"I can't think when you kiss me."

I blink at him. "Really?" I ask dubiously. It doesn't sound likely. I lean in and Jack's somewhat glazed eyes immediately fixate on my lips. "I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me," I admit naively, embarrassing myself yet again.

"Daniel? You panicking?"

"Any time now."

"Me too," Jack admits gruffly, stunning me for the second time in about as many minutes. "I like this."

He likes it enough we give it another shot. Jack's fingers find my hair, mine find his strong, character-filled face and when his tongue flickers over my lips, I surprise us both by opening to him. He slides delicately into my mouth and we both freeze, staring at each other as we try to work out how we feel about this.

Naturally, curiosity gets the better of me. I rub my tongue against Jack's, he rubs back and we're sultry, silken, stroking pressure. We kiss deeply and gently, with a hesitant, asking passion. We don't know any limits for this and our warmth intensifies to heat and shocking pleasure. We kiss for a long time, clinging and shaken by our growing arousal.

We kiss.

Breathing hard, Jack sits back from me and takes my face in both his hands, looking as dazed and turned on and bewildered as I feel. "I don't know what to say to you."

"Say anything." Just don't leave me hanging here, Jack.

"I swear I didn't know."

He closes his eye and rests his cheek against mine, wrapping his arms tight around my shoulders. I hold him too, returning what comfort I can. Jack's murmur is soothing as he strokes my back but he's trembling as much as I am, his heart hammering against mine.

I want to help him so badly. I feel how difficult this is for him and I need him to know he isn't alone. The heart isn't wise and none of us is all-knowing. My own feelings make less sense and yet more sense to me than they ever have before. This isn't new, this is - we're more. This is us. We're just finally facing the sex.

I kiss his face.

"I'm in love with you."

Jack's body jerks violently. "Great," he bitches shakily, rocking me. "The biggest confession of my miserable life and the man I'm in love with steals my line."

"I'm attracted to Per'sus." It's completely the wrong time, but I can't wait. I can't deceive him. Or myself. "He kissed me."

"You kissed him back."

"You saw."

"Would you have let him make love to you?"

"I think you know," I whisper, swallowing painfully. I feel so low and guilty. I think the strongest emotion I've had over these past weeks has been defeat. Telling myself I wasn't using Per'sus doesn't make it true. I needed the way he made me feel more than I needed him. I needed to be valued. I needed to just be seen.

"It's okay, Daniel," Jack promises. "I saw you together. I saw. He wasn't me."

My turn to swear I didn't know but Jack hushes me with a gentle finger, his eyes wide and wondering.

"I wanted to do this so much I had to stop," he confides as he touches me. "Anise asked me right out. Were there times when I," he hesitates, looking for the right words. "You know? Wanted to touch."

"I didn't know."

"Like either of us is good at this," Jack warmly excuses my naïveté. "I love my wife, you love yours. Neither of us was ready to move on and face loving each other. I don't know that there would ever have been a right time for that!" he admits humorously.

It's so long since I've seen him without anger. I can't help but stare at him, captivated by his mobile face and melting eyes. I've missed us so much that I should have known. I've joked to myself that Jack and I are like an old married couple without ever questioning how wrapped up in each other we are. It feels so natural, so right, to think of 'us' and 'we'.

"Is that what was happening between us, Jack?" I ask carefully, wary of encroaching. I don't want to lose this mood. "You were acting out over your frustration?"

"Sexual frustration," Jack says bitterly, shooting me a sharp look. "I hate to think," he begins and then bites the thought off, his eyes dark with apology.

"Tell me," I urge him.

"I hate to think where I could go."

"I don't understand."

"How long would it have taken me to figure out that I want you, Daniel? Where were those feelings supposed to go? The way I've been treating you?" Jack prompts soberly. "I didn't even know I had a problem. Didn't have a clue."

I don't like hearing this and I can't hide my disbelief.

"I don't want to upset you," he says quickly. "I just don't know how far I would go."

My eyes widen as I understand what he means. "You'd never force me!" I argue fiercely, furious he would even think this of either of us. He's no more a bully than I am a victim, a fact of both our lives he should not need to be told.

"No?"

"No!"

"I'd like to think so."

"I wouldn't let you," I inform him flatly and then I kiss him. I'm amazed and humbled by the way he melts into me. Too much has changed for us too fast for romantic eagerness or maybe even for acceptance, but there's comfort and sharing in our intimacy, our recognition that we can never go back. There's so much we need to say but for now, I give in hopefully to this unexpected, difficult tenderness. 

"Zippedy doo dah, zippedy aye, my oh my, what a -"

"Jack!" Daniel hisses in exasperation.

I know my singing has the same effect on him as fingernails screamed down a blackboard but he's going to have to live with it. Now we're up and walking, I've got more spring in my step than a pneumatic Tigger.

"I'm happy," I complain aggrievedly.

"You are?" Daniel is startled and a very him mix of dubious and delighted.

"It's going well."

"What is?"

"Us!"

"We've been together for what?" Daniel makes a big show of checking his watch. "Wow! A whole ten minutes, for most of which we've been arguing," he points out sarcastically.

"Ah, but the rest of it!" Feeling Daniel would benefit from a practical demonstration of the key points, I snake my arm around him, pull him off balance and into a nice kiss. He struggles a bit on principle, then strokes his fingers into my hair and happily surrenders. He's lovely. I know he'd hate to hear me say it and I know I'm embarrassed to even think it, but that's what my friend is. I think gentleness is a highly underrated quality in a man.

God, I can't wait to get him into bed!

We should probably talk about that. I'm fairly confident that when you step up to the plate, the body will know which way to come out swinging. Confident. Yep, indeedy. Except for the minor difficulty that most times, Daniel will instinctively swing a different way to me.

Talk. We probably should. It's not as if it's going to happen soon. The Tok'ra come up short on walls and doors, there are reasons I hate sandy planets, particularly when I didn't pack my big, fluffy blanket, and we're on a delicate diplomatic mission negotiating implementation of a planetary alliance so fresh the ink isn't dry with a horny snake Daniel is about to 'Dear John.' As commanding officer, no one is more aware than me that I shouldn't even be thinking about how I'm going to get my linguist into the missionary position.

"Jack? You're slavering."

Sadly, I know I'll take those odds. I've recently discovered he's irresistible.

"I'm apologising upfront for being," I hesitate, searching for a suitably modest and self-effacing introduction to my naturally sensitively phrased proposition.

"Brash?"

"Huh?"

"Sorry."

"No. Not brash."

"Crass?"

"Daniel! Behave."

"I've never come to heel for you before and I'm not about to make a habit of it now," Daniel retorts briskly, his eyes demure.

"Horny!" I interrupt loudly. Amazingly, Daniel doesn't fall off the dune in shock.

"You don't think you're rushing this?" he asks mildly. "Us?"

"You mean I'm rushing you." Why am I not surprised? After four years together on SG-1, I shouldn't need reminders that we have to work for everything.

"Sex is a big commitment."

Well, d'uh! "Must you be sensible?"

"Well, technically that's your job, Sir, Colonel Jack, Sir," Daniel reminds me pleasantly.

"You have to be the biggest pain in the mikta who ever lived."

"No," Daniel disagrees definitively. "That's an accolade reserved exclusively for you by anyone who knows you and everyone who knows us both."

He's a sarcastic little shit and he's smiling. He knows I like this about him.

"You're just asking for another make-up kiss," I threaten him cheerfully. The sun is lighting his eyes to clear stunning turquoise and I definitely like that about him.

"Promises, promises."

"If you're not ready to sleep with me," I hint broadly, making a show of trying to do the big thing.

"I haven't thought about it." Daniel glances at me, frowning. "I really haven't."

"I'm insulted." I think I am. "You honestly haven't thought about sleeping with me?"

"It's been a packed ten minutes," Daniel snorts, savouring my wounded ego. "I need to make sense of my feelings for you and I guess about myself. I'm not going to rush any decisions about our future and certainly not one of this magnitude."

"You make it sound like I need an appointment for a consultation," I complain, manfully suppressing any hints of suspicious maturity or jokes about magnitude. It's a short yet obvious walk to all things 'size matters'. I think I've annoyed - and confused - Daniel enough. When I sneak a look at him, strolling along at my side, I have to admit his sunny expression is something of a surprise. "Enjoying stomping all over my libido, are we?"

Daniel chuckles softly.

I'll take that as a yes! "There are limits, you know," I warn him darkly.

"Yes, Jack, I know. I'm liking this very much. How often does this happen to me?"

"Your best friend grabbing you and kissing the shit out of you?" Okay, I maybe know what he means, but he'd be disappointed if I didn't play along.

"Walking into a relationship with a chance."

I absolutely cringe. Aww, jeez. Jeez. Talk about a sucker punch. I didn't see that one coming. Low blow, Daniel, low, low blow.

"Really knowing the other person."

I'm disconcerted he makes this sound like such a good thing when the other person is me. I know from the journal entry Carter shouldn't have read out to me one time that Daniel had a certain puppyish quality of loyalty and admiration for me. I'm pretty damned certain that watching me Coles Notes my way through life with the worst of them has to have dented some of that early enthusiasm. Right?

"Talking about things and deciding them, not just having them happen to me."

His passion is breaking my heart. It's not the first time. It's just, when he talked about his feelings - damn. I never guessed he felt this much for me. Never even suspected. Impulsively I catch hold of his wrist and pull him to a stop. He looks around questioningly and I take his shoulders and gently turn him to face me.

"I hurt you."

He reaches up to rest his hands on my shoulders, his intense eyes steady on mine.

He doesn't need to say anything. I can see that I hurt him.

"It won't happen again."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Daniel counters hastily, getting upset.

Hard as it is, I have to acknowledge the fairness of that. I was married for twelve years and one thing I learned was that you can never know how you'll hurt another person. All you can realistically do is never make the same mistake twice.

"Not this way," I promise simply. "You won't let me." It's not a question. I'm giving him something here, giving him a right, and he knows it. His face gets pale and shaky but he has a hint of a smile. I don't think he quite believes this. "We're not exactly love's grand fantasy, here," I sigh, deciding I need a hug. As I engulf him, Daniel decides he agrees.

"Reality is good, Jack."

The little nuzzling kiss on my throat is better, though.

"I'm sure it goes without saying that I'm planning to drive you insane until you to go to bed with me," I fondly inform Daniel.

"I'm equally sure which one of us will lose his mind," Daniel retorts confidently, hugging me a bit harder. "While the other one curls up with a good ethnolinguistics book."

This narrows the field a tad. "I'll take that bet." I think I'll lose and I think he knows it. He's stubborn clear through to the backbone and I like this about him too. "You really haven't thought about doing the dirty?"

"Jack!"

"We're closing in on fifteen minutes, you know."

"You're impossible!"

"But I want you."

"Do you?"

I don't like the mischief in his eyes.

"Daaaniel," I warn him in my best sing-song.

He reaches between us.

"Daaaa - shit!" Hand! "Hand!" There's cupping, here!

Daniel makes like the Cheshire Cat, insultingly kisses me on my nose and swaggers away.

"Chickenshit!" I may have hit soprano but he broke before I did.

"I think this is the part where you're overcome with a spirit of fake generosity and syrupy supportiveness and assure me there's no rush, we can build up to sex, plenty of time, yadda, yadda," he drawls offensively.

"Hey! For your information, that happens to be the first time a guy," I argue hotly, abruptly breaking off as I realise how true this is.

"Yes?" Daniel enquires innocently. He's just waiting to pounce.

"I don't know anyone with the balls to come on to me like that. If any guy felt me up like you just did?" I shrug. Do I need to dot the 'i's here? Or just black them?

"Am I supposed to be grateful you didn't punch me out?" Daniel retorts, a trifle resentfully.

"Anyone can do something once, Daniel. It takes balls to do it twice."

He turns right around and marches back my way and I have to fight the urge to go into a defensive huddle as he comes up close to me, reaching out.

"Balls?" he snaps, eyes sparking ire.

"Got them eatin' out of your hand, Danny-boy," I snap back, amazed I manage it without so much as a squeak as he squeezes gently.

"You are such an ass, Jack."

"Oh, say it like you mean it," I sneer. His hand is interesting. Long. Strong. Sensitive. Nimble-fingered. A painfully pushy part of me is adding two and two and wanting to make Daniel. We've got ourselves an interesting variation of the Mexican standoff going here and I can see El Gringo is starting to worry about my cavalry rallying. "I think this is the part where you-"

Kiss me? Okay. That'll work. Turns out I'm easy where Daniel is concerned. He's an exquisite kisser, focusing on me with all his signature intensity. He's sweet and gentle, but he's still turning me inside out. I hope I do the same for him. I guess I have to do something for him, because he's taking us so seriously.

"I can't imagine making love with you, Jack," Daniel whispers wonderingly, his eyes wide and still worried.

If we're being totally grown-up and realistic about it, er, me either. Hormonal fixation apart, my imagination can't quite make it past my bedroom door.

"So much has changed for us already, just with the talking," Daniel enthuses.

"And the kissing." Big fan of that. "That's working out great."

"We need a comfort zone," Daniel advises me earnestly as he lets go of me and ambles away with a disappointing lack of come hither promise.

"Build slow?"

"Exactly!"

"I can't believe we're agreeing on this stuff," I observe wryly. "We argue about every damned thing under the sun and yet sex - the one thing guaranteed to cause more strife than anything else in the whole of human history - we romp through hand in hand."

Looking slightly alarmed, Daniel promptly shoves his hands in his pockets.

It's always nice when he shows some tactical smarts, although it doesn't help in this particular instance. I have designs on another part of his anatomy entirely.

"Does this mean you're throwing in the towel on the whole sexual harassment thing?" Daniel asks, a trifle smugly.

Nope. Going to retaliate right about now. I don't recall ever looking a whole lot at Daniel's ass but it feels - "Wow." Daniel makes a noise that sounds like 'eep!' then cranes round to look at my hand on his behind. We're talking tight, serious curves here. Pretty near perfect, like the rest of him. "Will I ever be inside you?"

Daniel's mouth falls open.

"Kiss the boys and make them cry," I tell him gently as he struggles to pull himself together. I think I floored him.

"Don't be silly," he argues, shaking his head pityingly. "You're the pretty one."

"I love how you manage to wrap an insult in a compliment," I admire. "While neatly avoiding the issue."

"I'm an inspirational diplomat," he retorts flippantly.

"A smug one too." He isn't going to answer my question for the simplest reason. I guess he doesn't know.

"I find," Daniel says slowly, smiling tentatively, "the thought of us together to be very erotic."

"You trying to edge ahead on points again?" I have to at least try to cover for my excruciatingly obvious sappy joy.

"Edging?" Daniel sneers, snatching this particular out with relief as we start to get a little too personal and intense. "May I remind you that I'm not the one who jumped two feet in the air or hit a girly high 'c'?"

His talk-to-the-hand-Jack! attitude is very entertaining but he does have the most amazing eyes. I'm staring into them. Somehow, they express more than all those fancy words of his. It's starting to sink in that the best man I know is in love with me. Suddenly, I want to respond in kind and I don't think we're getting personal enough.

"I guess we do have a lot to talk about," I admit gruffly. "Stuff to decide."

Gaping at me incredulously, Daniel shakes his head giddily.

"I knew the maturity thing would be a mistake," I sigh.

"Stuff?" Daniel blinks. "Could you narrow it down?"

"Do we want to sleep together? How far do we want to go? How soon?"

"You're fixated."

"If we do sleep together, do I leave the team?" I add loudly.

"Oh." Daniel elbows me lightly in the ribs, which is all the apology I'm going to get for his brash crassness. "You can't leave us."

"I think I might have to."

"I don't want you to."

"I should."

"I know that the rules say you should but I also know rules are only supposed to be a guide and you're the only one who knows if your leadership is dangerously compromised," Daniel states calmly. "These past few months haven't been easy or pleasant, Jack. I think you've already been compromised by denying your feelings towards me. You've been acting out for months. I'm not trying to talk you into anything you consider to be dishonourable, I'm just trying to be -"

"Practical?" I interrupt, wincing inwardly at the acting out jibe. Looks like I don't get to gloss over anything that's brought us to this point together. "That's my job."

"I don't think you could take being off the team and frankly, we need you in the field. I also don't think you could come up with an adequate explanation for the general to justify reassignment to another team and if you retired, you'd go out of your mind." Daniel shrugs with conscious casualness.

This is all very plausible and pragmatic, but his face is burning. He can't believe I just offered to give up everything he thinks is important to me or that I'd be willing to do it for him. I don't know what to say. My so-called career already cost me my son and my wife. While a loud, insistent part of me is not prepared to be a loser or to be lonely all my life, I also know Daniel is right in what he just said. I would absolutely hate to leave my team and my command behind. He has a legitimate concern, I think, that in time I would come to blame him.

"This isn't a choice I can make for you, Jack. I hope," he says hesitantly. "I hope you know I'll support you whatever you decide."

He's killing me. "How about we add this to the list of things we play by ear? I don't like second-guessing how I'm going to feel about stuff before it even has a chance to happen."

"I can understand that if you were in this position with Sam, you couldn't even consider it," Daniel surprises me again. "I'm well aware that as the civilian, I have a favoured position on the team. You look to Sam and Teal'c to take care of themselves even if they aren't in a position to take care of me. If you were to favour Sam over me in a combat situation, you'd fail in your responsibility to both of us. Does this make sense?" he asks quietly. "The bias towards me is an existing one even if the Air Force falls short of requiring it of you."

"Don't tell me what I want to hear," I whine. I'm terrible at being noble and unselfish. If he gives me a way out, he has to know I'll take it.

"I don't know that you and I being together could unbalance the team anymore than it already is, but it’s an imbalance we've all accepted and compromised for since our first mission together."

"It makes sense," I sigh.

"I'm trying to help."

"You're giving me my cake with whipped cream on the side and a cherry on top."

"I like cherries," Daniel replies inconsequentially.

"You're feeding it to me naked." I scent an opportunity.

"Nice segue."

"I thought so too."

"I don't cater."

"Could you give an inch?"

"I'll give you everything you've got coming to you," Daniel promises with knowing ambiguity.

I don't know what to believe. The prim, lecturing mouth or tentatively flirty, bedroom eyes.

"It's great that you can talk to me, Jack."

Damn. The big beautiful baby-blues are just another sucker punch. They work, too. Jeez. Did I just blurt out some crap about not being able to talk to anyone else? Daniel is looking pleased so I guess the answer to that is a big, honkin' yes. Oh, my god.

"I guess that's how you got yourself in such a mess emotionally," he says thoughtfully. "I was the last one you could talk to about your feelings for me."

"Don't run away with the idea I'm some well-adjusted introvert," I caution him hastily. "I may have been acting out but I didn't know I was and I sure as shit didn't know why."

"It'll be good for us to work through these issues together," Daniel informs me with calm serenity.

"I know a threat when I hear one."

"You don't feel up to sharing the naked truth?"

"Figuratively speaking?" I got burned on the big, pleading eyes once already. I'm covering my bases this time.

"I was thinking I could come over. I covet your tub."

"Naked, sudsy, slippery truth?" I politely seek clarification. There has to be a catch.

"We have to start somewhere."

"This is the most blatant attempt at behaviour modification I've ever seen."

"Just so long as it's working."

"I can't wait to see your reaction to my humorously shaped loofah."

"Not a bad comeback, Jack, but I'm still ahead on points."

We could try for a deep, meaningful conversation but it just isn't us. So maybe we're both a little giddy. So what? Overwhelming, exultant relief will do that to you. How long has it been since we shared this kind of energy? Since we could talk at all? There's no anger. We're both talking loud and clear. Saying just what we mean and for the first time in a long time, being heard. Right now we're electric and we're riding it. We'll take what we can get, knowing we'll be grounded soon enough. 

I look up from my report, my impatience at the interruption melting into pleasure at the cause.

"Daniel." As I greet him warmly, he steps out at once from behind my bodyguard.

"Can we talk?" Daniel asks quietly.

I nod sharply and Deos bows reluctant acknowledgement before leaving us alone. Daniel walks up to table and sits opposite me.

"Is there someplace more private, Per'sus?"

"We are quite alone. What is it that disturbs you, Daniel?" I am growing concerned for him. He is without his usual energy and his brilliant eyes are shadowed.

"I feel terrible," he says in a rush. "I feel I've misled you, although I never meant to."

"I do not doubt your sincerity." My words are kindly meant but they trouble him further. He jumps up again and restlessly begins to pace.

"When you kissed me, it was a shock," he confides. "I wasn't expecting - I didn't know how to feel, how to react."

"I understand." This much reassurance I can offer to him freely.

"I am attracted to you."

I had not expected to hear such an admission from him or for it to be the cause of sorrow.

"In other circumstances," he says with difficulty, staring at me. I think he is too proud and too kind a man to look away.

"You do not care for me."

"I do," Daniel whispers wretchedly. "If you'd wanted - I think I was - was ready to."

I am sick at heart, Geryon's presence heavy in my mind. It is long since we shared such a hope as this and it is hard for us to lose Daniel. If he needs to be free of us, we should give him up, but I find I cannot do it and Geryon will not.

"What has changed, Daniel?" I ask as I stand and walk around to him. "Is the cause of your upset the arrival of your friend?"

"I realised something about myself," Daniel responds softly. "Feelings I couldn't face before."

"Feelings you have for another?" I find this painful to hear. I do not wish to be the cause of his reconciliation with anyone who will take him from me.

"About myself." He tries to smile. "Most of my realisations are difficult."

I do not doubt his word but I think there is a larger truth which he is concealing. I assumed that when O'Neill chose to accompany Daniel to the surface it was to caution him against further involvement with me. It was clear to me that he saw much of the feeling between us and he did not approve. It was my thought that O'Neill's disgust at Geryon and I willingly sharing this body was too great for him to allow Daniel to make the choice to be with us.

Now, I begin to question if it is a simpler matter.

It could be O'Neill who has taken Daniel from me. I know Daniel has not lain with any man. It angers me greatly that my respectful advances to Daniel could have made him aware that other men might desire him.

"Are you loyal to someone, Daniel?"

"Loyal?" Daniel looks startled and then his face reddens. "Loyal. You could say that. Yes."

"I am sorry." I am not gracious to him. This is too difficult.

"You may find it hard to believe, but so am I, Per'sus."

Looking at him, I find it easy to believe. Daniel does not wish to hurt me or this person to whom he is loyal, this person whom I believe is O'Neill, and so he hurts himself.

I wish I could express my gratitude for his honesty or offer a generous word to him. I cannot. I am to be left alone again with all my hope gone.

I am sorry now that I wished for Daniel to choose me when I know last night I could have taken him. He was mine for the asking; there was no resistance in him. I chose instead to wait and to hope. I am sorry for it now.

I hoped in vain and I waited too long.

FINIS

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