| "Rose! Rose!" Daniel yelled.
"Daniel! I've got something on the stove, this better be good!" Rose reprimanded, wiping her hands on the dishtowel as she approached Daniel, who was standing in the doorway of the spare room.
Daniel pointed to the bed and the side table. "Those are your things. The books, the candles, magazines? Rose?"
Rose slowly nodded in agreement. "Yes, those are mine. My things are now where they belong, in my room."
"This is my room," Daniel argued. "I'm sleeping in the spare room."
"No ... as of now, I'm sleeping in the spare room. Your room is down at the end of the hall. The one with the big bed, and the bathroom, the one ..."
"Oh, that room." Daniel ducked his head and blushed. He could actually feel the heat deepen when Rose had the audacity to laugh at his discomfit.
"Yes, that room, Daniel. The one you should have been in from the beginning."
"I'm going to be gone for two to three days, Rose." Daniel took the wicker basket of clothes from Rose's hands.
"Thanks. Laundry room, please."
Daniel put the basket atop the dryer and told Rose again that he would be gone for a few days. She began to sort the clothes, throwing certain items in the wash, others onto the floor. "Rose?"
With a dirty towel hanging from each hand, she faced Daniel. "I heard you, mhuirnin, I'll be okay."
"Janet's number is on the speed dial, call Sam if you want company. She'll spend the night if you get lonely. The numbers for the oil company ..."
"Daniel."
"The local fire department and emergency rescue ..."
"Daniel ..."
"I'll be unreachable, but if something happens to Jack ..."
"Daniel!" Exasperated, Rose threw the towels back into the basket.
"What!"
"Listen to me. Nothing is going to happen to Jack, not now, and not while you're away. I will be fine. Everything will be okay. Would it make you feel better if I promise not to have any wild parties while you're gone?"
Daniel opened his mouth to comment before he realized Rose was baiting him.
"Honest, don't worry, okay? The only thing you're going to come home to is clean clothes and a refrigerator full of food that I like.
"Don't forget the Coco Puffs, okay?" He gathered Rose up in an impromptu hug. "Bye, Rose." Daniel released her and stepped back, smiling. "Actually, I kinda left you a list of things to pick up at the store ..."
"A list?" Rose challenged.
"The money is under the bowl. I left extra in case of an emergency ..."
"Bye, Daniel. Now skat, before you're late again.
"Daniel?"
"Hi, Sam." Daniel paused long enough from the task of stuffing books into a satchel to give his teammate a smile.
She perched on a wooden stool, leaning cautiously on an empty space of desk. "You won't be gone long," Sam stated a-matter-of-factly.
"You sound like General Hammond." Daniel forced the last book into the bag, threw some pencils into the empty crevices around the books and zippered it closed. "A lot of things can happen in seventy two hours."
Daniel staggered under his heavy load as he entered the Gateroom. He offered Teal'c an apologetic smile. "I'm not late." Daniel furrowed his brow in concentration. "Am I?"
"You are not, DanielJackson, I am early. SG8 is waiting for you at the temple on PY4S896." Teal'c leaned over and removed the heavy satchel from Daniel's shoulder.
Daniel shifted, straightening his remaining packs. "Thanks."
"DanielJackson, all you need to do is ask and I will gladly assist you with your burdens." Teal'c's bow was slight enough that Daniel understood the double entendre.
"I know you will."
"Do not worry. MajorCarter will watch Mrs. O'Neill's six while you are away."
The personnel in the Gateroom turned at Daniel's loud bark of laughter. "God help Sam, Teal'c, I have the strangest feeling it's gonna turn out to be the other way around and Sam's not going to know what hit her."
Frustrated and red faced, Daniel banged his hand on the desk at the nurses' station. "I need to speak to someone. Now!"
"Dr. Jackson, I've already paged Colonel O'Neill's doctor," the young woman behind the desk stuttered. "If you would like, I could try again ..."
"No, forget it, never mind," Daniel replied angrily. "I'll find someone who can answer my question."
Daniel couldn't begin to imagine the expletives the woman would utter once he was out of earshot. At this point he really didn't care what lasting impression he was giving as he stomped into Jack's room.
He began to frantically pace the length of the bed, muttering under his breath at the injustice of his job. "Damn!" Ignoring the cell phone precautions posted on the wall, Daniel pulled his phone out and tried calling home, not even bothering to leave a message when the answering machine picked up. He tried Sam's home, office and ended up leaving a curt voice mail on her cell phone. Growling in annoyance, he punched in the numbers for SGC's infirmary.
"Hi. Do you know when Dr. Fraiser will ... forget it," he yelled, slamming the phone closed and flinging it against the wall. Daniel planted his elbows on the bedrail and dropped his head into his cupped hands, angry at his own impulsiveness.
"I sorta lost it, Jack. Sorry," Daniel said.
"Yes, you certainly did."
Daniel spun around to face Janet.
Janet pointed at the shattered innards of the phone scattered along the linoleum. "Feel better?"
He glanced over his shoulder at Jack and then turned hardened eyes on Janet. "No." Daniel pointed to Jack. "Care to explain ... I thought all decisions ..."
"There was medical need."
Daniel took up a protective stance at the head of the bed. "You were in the process of taking Jack off the vent before I left. I never would have gone ..."
"You had no choice. I had no choice. The vent was removed but the Colonel was having difficulty with reflux of stomach secretions and saliva. There was a danger of him aspirating on his body fluids. I never would have done a tracheotomy if it weren't warranted. You know me better than that."
"It's more invasive. That procedure is a step backwards."
"In a manner of speaking, yes, it is. I'm not going to lie or even stretch the truth, but he's breathing on his own."
"I can't leave him anymore, Janet," Daniel confessed, dropping heavily into the chair. "Going to the mountain is hard enough ... but when I'm not just a phone call away. I spent seventy two hours off- ... away doing a translation that I should have been able to accomplish in half that time."
"So what are you going to do?" Janet pushed, tilting forward and whispering loudly. "Tell the General you need time off to sit by your lover's bedside? Destroying your career and taking the Colonel's down with you without giving him voice in the matter?"
Daniel blushed under her scrutiny, thoroughly chastised, and totally embarrassed.
"Your cell phone was destroyed out of anger and frustration, but it is replaceable. The Colonel's career in the military isn't. Don't destroy all that you've both worked for because you have no control over the situation." Janet leaned wearily against the wall, shoving her hands into the pockets of her lab coat. "Do you want me to put you on medical stand down? I will, if that's what you want."
Daniel looked over at Jack, snaked his hand around the railing and possessively placed his hand on the blanket-covered calf. "No," he replied sadly. "I'm fine. Thanks anyway, Janet."
The house was quiet and empty when he returned from the hospital. Rose was out and Daniel had no desire to even check for a note or any indication where she might have disappeared to. Daniel haphazardly dropped items along the way, briefcase, jacket, keys, neither looking nor caring where they landed as he made his way to the backyard.
When anger assaulted Daniel, he would usually lose himself in his work, finding solace in artifacts and ancient teachings. By instinct Daniel knew there would be no comfort in the written word today, no escape in research, so Daniel tried Jack's method of working off anger. Physical exertion. He couldn't bear the thought of using the gym at the mountain so instead he tore into the garden at home. Mindlessly digging and pruning, allowing no conscious thought to the fastidious work Rose had been doing.
Daniel was filthy. And thirsty. And hot. His throat was dry and parched and his black tee shirt was absorbing the heat of the afternoon sun, sticking uncomfortably to the sweat pooled between his shoulders.
"Living things flourish if you treat them with respect and love, Daniel."
Daniel stopped digging and rested heavily on the shovel. "I'm really not in the mood for an O'Neillism at the moment."
"Does it make you feel better to obliterate what I was working on?" The twinge of hurt that Rose was unable to hide broke the camel's back and Daniel threw down the shovel and turned. He painfully swallowed his angry words when he realized both Rose and Sam were standing side by side watching him.
He beat a hasty retreat, barreling past Sam, refusing to acknowledge the destruction he had rendered in the backyard. Daniel made it to the kitchen without interference, but by the time he opened the fridge to retrieve a bottle of water, Sam was in his personal space.
Daniel closed his eyes against her judgment and concentrated on slaking his thirst. He rolled the cool plastic bottle against his sweaty forehead. Daniel finished the water and slammed the fridge door shut. "Don't say anything else, Sam. Nothing. Not that you're disappointed in me or angry or how selfish I've been. Please."
Daniel rested his forehead against the doors overlooking the backyard, achingly watching Rose pick up the pieces of his fury. "Oh God, Sam. What did I do? I didn't mean to-I wasn't paying attention. Damn, look at the mess I've made ... of not only Rose's hard work but ..."
Sam came and stood by his side, draping her arm around his shoulders before planting a gentle kiss on his grubby cheek. "It wasn't intentional, Daniel. I'm sure Rose knows that."
Daniel shook his head. "No," he whispered. "Not intentional, but I was angry ..."
Daniel disengaged himself and disappeared from the kitchen only to return seconds later, with his keys and wallet in hand. He gave Sam a light peck on her forehead, leaving an outline of lips in his wake.
The afternoon sun had sunk lower in the sky by the time Daniel returned.
"Rose," Daniel called softly. "I'm sorry. I only wanted to help and made a mess of everything."
She was on her knees, leaning forward, resettling and rearranging the dirt, ignoring him.
Daniel placed two potted bushes directly in her line of vision. "The nursery called them garden roses. Lagerfeld and ..."
"Paradise," Rose said, gently caressing the blooms. She looked up at Daniel, shielding her eyes against the glare of the sun, but unable to hide their redness from Daniel.
"I'm sorry."
"Me too, Daniel." She patted the moist ground by her side.
"Can I help?" Daniel asked shyly, squatting down next to her.
"Can you? You have to understand before you can help." Rose picked up a seed packet and grabbed Daniel's hand, flipping it palm side up. She shook the packet until a few seeds bounced into his palm. "See these," Rose said, separating the seeds with her fingers. "To the naked eye, they're just husks, but the gardener can look beyond their shells and recognize the potential and beauty they house. The gardener has faith that with love and guidance ... and time, a miracle will occur."
"Patience," Daniel added. "Like Jack?"
"Yes, mhuirnin, like our Jack. We need ..."
"I need," Daniel replied humbly.
"We both need to have a seed of faith, Daniel, for this miracle to occur."
The familiar stuffiness and tightness started the moment he shucked his clothes and deposited them in the hamper. Four sneezes in quick succession confirmed his fear as they were followed by two more seconds later. He stood naked in the bathroom, rooting through the medicine cabinet, searching for allergy medication. He popped two from the blister pack and swallowed them dry before chasing them down with two aspirin.
Daniel grabbed a bottle of water, shoved two more allergy pills into his pocket and snatched the box of tissues as an afterthought. He buried a sneeze in the crook of his arm and went to meet Rose by the front door.
"It's just allergies," Daniel assured her as they stepped outside, locking the door behind them. He was able to smother a sneeze into a tissue and blew his nose hard enough that his ears popped painfully.
Daniel smiled as Rose touched his cheeks with the back of her hand. "Are you sure?"
"I'm sure." He yawned and Rose grabbed the keys dangling from his fingers.
"I'll drive."
"Okay. Thanks." Daniel yawned again. "I think that's probably a smart idea."
Daniel relaxed in the passenger seat of the Thunderbird. Rose was leery of the Avalanche, 'too big' she had claimed and had embraced the older car with a chuckle of 'mispent youth' and downshifted like a pro.
Between the pills, his physical exertion in the garden and the fact that just twenty four hours ago Daniel had been offworld, the desire for sleep was just about pulling him under when Rose found a parking spot in the hospital lot.
"Want to stay in the car?"
"No," Daniel answered, annoyed that Rose would even think Daniel didn't need to see Jack.
"Touchy," she muttered under her breath, shoving the box of tissues and water bottle at Daniel's midsection. "Bless you," Rose answered when Daniel sneezed in response.
Between the sneezing and coughing, the people accompanying them in the elevator ride to Jack's floor gave Daniel and Rose a wide berth.
"Sick people should stay home where they belong, not spreading their germs," a woman said as she stepped out of the elevator, shooting Daniel an evil look just before the doors closed.
"A hospital is for sick people!" Rose yelled back.
"Your son's maturity gene comes from your side of the family, doesn't it?" Daniel inquired hoarsely.
"Shut up and drink your water or better yet, blow your nose. You sound like Elmer Fudd," Rose replied sweetly.
For some reason, Rose's comments tickled Daniel's funny bone and he fought a valiant battle during the walk to Jack's room to suppress his laughter. He lost his composure two feet from Jack's door, slumping sideways against the wall.
Rose stamped her foot in frustration. "Daniel!"
"I'm sorry." Daniel's snort, loud and out of place in the hushed hallways of the hospital, increased his loss of control.
Rose pulled Daniel into Jack's room before his laughter brought the wrath of the nursing staff down on them.
"Stop it." Her harsh words were softened by her own laughter.
Daniel clamped a hand over his mouth but his shaking shoulders were a dead giveaway to his overflowing, uncontrollable mirth.
A solemn nurse appeared in the doorway. "If you cannot keep the noise down, you will be asked to leave."
The reprimand sobered Rose almost immediately but Daniel burst into renewed peals of laughter at Rose's somber expression. "Enough," she warned, sucking her lips inwards to hide her smile.
"How old are you?" Rose inquired as her eyes flittered around the room. With a tilt of her chin, she motioned towards the bathroom. "Go wash your face, and please, I beg you, try to gain some semblance of adulthood while I go talk to the nurse to see how Jack's doing."
Rose wagged a finger at him when he offered her a sloppy salute. "Don't push your luck, Dr. Jackson," she warned before leaving.
Daniel swiped at the laughter-induced tears on his cheeks. He walked over to the bed, adjusting the blanket around Jack's legs, petting the limp hand with the IVs resting motionless by Jack side. Daniel cleared his throat, a shock of guilt twanging every exposed nerve. "Sorry, Jack, guess we ignored you and your predicament there for a moment or two or three. I didn't mean to ... be so callous ... or laugh. How did I forget? Oh God." A sob escaped Daniel, shocking him. "No," he whimpered, tears blinding him as he increased the pressure of the unresponsive hand. "You sonofabitch. How dare you do this to me?" He sniffed and coughed, choking on the tears. "You promised ... you said if I brought your mom, you'd be okay. Well, she's here, dammit." Daniel rattled the bedrail with his free hand. "Open your eyes, you liar." He jostled the bar to emphasize each and every accusation. "I refuse to be alone again, do you hear that, Colonel O'Neill! Refuse!" Daniel shook the hand held tightly in his and then dropped it, frightened by the intensity of his own emotions.
"Daniel." Rose stood in the doorway with a worried expression. "It's okay," she said softly in the wake of Daniel's outburst.
"No, it's not okay," he replied thickly. "It may never be okay again." Daniel picked up the Jack's limp hand and let it fall onto the bed. "See that?" he sobbed. "I can do it again if you missed it." Daniel picked up Jack's hand and watched as the lifeless hand slithered from his grasp to fall back to the bed. "If and when Jack wakes up, then what? Huh?" Daniel slid a shaking arm under his runny nose, sniffing in whatever the sleeve didn't capture. "He may be a quadriplegic with a side order of brain damage, or maybe I'll get the whole package and Jack will be a vegetable."
Three strides and Daniel was standing toe to toe with Rose, using the wall for support as he swayed, leaning away from her supportive hand. "That's what I have to look forward to. Me! Not you, so don't you dare be condescending and tell me it will be okay. Cause you don't know. You don't know the half of it."
Rose crossed over the threshold into the hospital room, removed the doorstop and shut the door behind her, containing Daniel's hysteria to the room itself.
Between the allergies and constant flow of tears, Daniel's eyes were red rimmed and swollen to slits. He coughed into cupped hands, the harsh sound twisting into torturing sobs. "You want to know something?" Daniel's voice was tight and he wiped his nose against his shoulder as he looked at Jack. He held onto the doorjamb and canted drunkenly into Rose's personal space, and drew a long shuddering breath before whispering conspiratorially in a hoarse, hushed voice. "Want to know something ... tonight I'm feeling really, really selfish. I want Jack back. All of him." Rose grimaced at the brittle laugher. "I don't want to settle." Short, hiccuping inhalations began to interfere with Daniel's flow of words, each one wrapped around a sob. "I need to hear his voice, I want to feel his touch ... I ... I need to feel his touch ... and at this moment I don't give a shit if my sentiments are making you feel uncomfortable, because ..." Daniel's arm swept behind his back, encompassing the length of Jack's supine body, "I don't want this!"
Daniel crossed his arms over his head and buried himself against the wall, amazed at his body's ability to produce even more tears as moisture from his nose and eyes soaked his shirt. This time he didn't pull away from Rose's touch as she rubbed his back. "What do you say we go home, Daniel, okay?"
Daniel choked back a sob and nodded.
Years ago, Rose had read a book by Stephen King called "It" which featured the terminology 'dead eyes. Never really understanding those words in the context of the story, she now knew full well what they meant. Empty. Like Daniel's. Scaring the living daylights out of her as she drove home. Staring out the passenger window, seeing nothing, acknowledging her presence by a nod of his head when he accepted the water bottle and handful of tissues. Using neither except as a shield against his body. Rose was sure Daniel was still locked in the hospital room with Jack, replaying and examining every hurtful word he had uttered in the presence of the comatose man.
A thousand different words flew through her head and she was positive none of them would erase or ease what Daniel was feeling at the moment, so she said nothing. The smothering silence frightened her as much as at the dead eyes that stared out at the moving landscape.
Rose was out of her element, totally, unequivocally, floundering like a fish out of water, flying by the seat of her pants. There were tons of clichés, but none measured up or even came close to how absolutely terrified she was at the moment. Her feelings of inadequacy in the car were nothing compared to how she now felt with Daniel facing her.
Daniel sat at the edge of the bed, looking up at Rose with an expectant, hopeful look. "I don't want ... to think any more." He threw his glasses onto the bed and scrubbed at the tears that had begun anew.
Leaving the hospital had seemed the thing to do, but now, sitting in the darkened bedroom, confronted with such unmitigated pain, Rose wasn't so sure. It had been years since anyone had needed or wanted her mothering skills.
She soothed the cowlicks on his bowed head. "You're tired." Her simple statement was met with a nod and the snuffle of a stuffed nose. Rose's hand slid down, her thumb swiping away a tear pooled in the crease of Daniel's tightly closed eyes. "Get ready for bed." A simple order, stated softly, a command, an edict for Daniel to obey.
Rose got up and ruffled through the basket of folded laundry in the corner of the room. She found a pair of comfortable sweats and walked over to Daniel, gently laying them on his lap. "Go," she prodded.
Daniel stood, and like an old man, shuffled to the bathroom, his shoulders slumped in defeat, his head hanging low, the clothes held in a protective grasp across his stomach.
The second the bathroom lock was engaged, Rose fought the urge to glue her ear to the door and eavesdrop. Instead, she released her nervous energy into turning down the bed and plumping the pillows. She stepped back, rearranged the pillows, smoothed out invisible wrinkles on the sheets, and geometrically aligned the triangle of folded back comforter.
Rose always managed to keep herself busy with nonsensical things when nervous or stressed, a habit which had always been a particular quirk belonging just to her that had driven both Jack and his father up the wall. She was actually making sure both sides of the comforter hung equidistant from the floor when she heard the bathroom door open.
Slowly, as if every muscle and fiber in his body ached, Daniel literally crawled into bed, slithered under the covers and flopped onto his back. He flung an arm over his eyes, hiding.
Unsure of what comfort to give Daniel, she decided to go with what she needed at the moment. Contact. Gently, she pulled the blanket tautly over Daniel's body and tucked it in. She paid no heed to the tears that leaked from under his arm or the lip Daniel was abusing to rein in his emotions.
Rose eased herself onto the bed. Humming softly, she pushed aside an errant strand of hair. Daniel coughed into his forearm before slowly lowering it to reveal a blotchy face and tired eyes. The silence as he gazed at her was neither comfortable nor uncomfortable, Rose realized, just empty. And unsure. Daniel broke it by sneezing and Rose sighed before getting up to get him some tissues.
"I said horrible things," Daniel stated, not expecting or needing Rose's acknowledgment. Rose stood over Daniel, hugging the box of tissues to her chest. He huffed in a feeble attempt to control his breathing before blowing his nose. "Don't leave," Daniel said suddenly when Rose made no effort to reclaim her place on the bed. "I want to apologize."
The bed dipped under Rose's weight. "Apologize? You don't have to apologize. Actually, I was wondering how long it would be before ..."
"What you told me today in the garden? I lied. I don't believe in faith or miracles ..."
"You're giving up on Jack?"
"Yes ... no ... I'm giving up on myself. Having faith is too hard, expecting miracles is setting me up for disappointment."
"You have no faith?" Rose replied angrily "You? I've lost a husband and a grandchild, and my son rejected me ... and for a time I lost my way in this world. But I've never, ever, ever lost faith in the ability that miracles can spring from a seed. Are you a coward, Daniel, unable to face what may be the next step?"
"There were no miracles for an eight year old boy whose parents were killed while setting up a display in a museum in New York."
"Oh, Daniel."
Daniel curled on his side, wiping his nose on the pillow, ignoring the bunched up tissues gripped tightly in his fist, and Rose adjusted the blanket around his body.
"There were no miracles as foster parents refused to battle a grandfather that didn't want me but wouldn't give permission for me to be adopted, so until I was sixteen, I was fostered in countless homes ... so many families, but not one home."
Daniel's other hand skirted around the pillow and began to tear the corners of the tissues peaking through his fist into shreds.
"I've felt at home three times in my life ... like I've belonged. With my parents, until they died. Living for one year with my wife and her family ... and now here in this house ... with Jack."
"I didn't know you were married." Rose's own fingers began to worry the quilt on her side.
Daniel sobbed out Sha're's name. Swallowed and then told Rose he had been widowed after a year of marriage. "I can't lose Jack."
Rose sat with Daniel, rubbing his blanket covered arm long after his last hiccuping breath had transformed to steady, deep breathing and long after swollen lids had closed against blood shot eyes. "I promise you, Daniel," Rose whispered as she readjusted the blanket around his sleeping form. "I won't let you lose Jack, I have enough faith in the miracle of that little seed for the both of us."
Rose sat at the kitchen table reading the morning paper. Daniel walked in, acknowledged her presence with a grunt and headed right for the half filled coffee pot.
Rose didn't turn, but she heard his groan of pleasure as the hot, liquid caffeine entered his system.
"Bless you," she answered when he sneezed. Rose plucked tissues out of the box on the table and extended her hand behind her back. "Blow," she said, wiggling the tissues up and down. With a hoarse 'thank you' he accepted the gift and blew loudly. Rose continued to pretend to read the paper.
"Breakfast?" she asked with a schooled, noncommittal tone to her voice. Licking her finger, she turned the page.
"Nope," he mumbled around the coffee mug. "Gonna be late." Rose heard the clatter of the mug against the porcelain sink. "Damn, I'm already late."
Rose was concentrating so deeply on studying the paper before her rather than permitting her eyes to stray to checking out Daniel's emotional state, she jerked in surprise at the slight peck on her check.
Self-consciously, Daniel ducked his head. "I've gotta go now ..." Flustered hands flew in all directions. "And I'm ..."
"Late, I know." Rose shooed him from the kitchen with a wave of her hands. "Go."
She waited until the front door closed before touching where Daniel had kissed her. Then and only then did she allow herself to smile.
As Daniel opened the front door and the wonderful smell of dinner greeted him, he realized with a pang of guilt that the past few days had fallen into a routine.
"Daniel?"
"I'm home, Rose."
He smiled as she came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dish towel. "Good day at the office?" she quipped. "You look tired."
"Long day," he admitted.
"You were gone way before I got up, weren't you?"
Daniel had learned early on where Jack had inherited his mothering techniques. "I visited Jack before work ..."
Rose studied him long and hard. "That's not all ..."
Daniel sighed, the moment of comfort beginning to dissipate under her well meaning interrogation. "I saw Jack at lunch and stopped by the hospital before I came home." Daniel angrily shook his briefcase. "I have work to do after dinner."
Rose didn't back down or blink an eye in the face of Daniel's mounting annoyance.
Rose began to laugh and snapped the dishtowel at Daniel. "You're a stubborn SOB, you know that? Dinner will be on the table when you decide to join me." She turned and walked into the kitchen, still giggling.
"Now I know where all of Jack's endearing qualities come from!" Daniel shouted after her, smiling as Rose began to laugh even louder.
Rose talked about her visit with Jack today and Daniel laughed at her perfect mimicry of the nurses and aides taking care of him. "I spoke to Janet today," Rose interjected suddenly.
Daniel got up and noisily dumped the remainder of his dinner in the garbage.
Rose swiveled in her seat. "You barely ate."
"I'm full."
Rose sighed but ignored Daniel's petulance. "We have to make a decision, you know."
Daniel pushed himself off of the counter he had been leaning on. "I have work to do."
"Daniel!"
He swung towards her, unable to keep the emotion from his voice. "I know, Rose. Don't you think I remember Janet's words about a long term care facility for Jack? But I can't make that decision ... not now. In the beginning you told me to keep up my faith. Putting him in one of those facilities ..." Daniel saw Rose cringe at his tone with regard to the word 'facility', but still he kept going. "... is akin to giving up. I won't give up ... I'm surprised you're going against everything you've forced into me about hoping for a miracle."
He stomped from the room, only to be pulled up short by Rose's hurried footsteps. "How dare you! Thinking that this only concerns you."
He twisted to face her. "How dare me? Jack goes into a facility, you go home and I'm left alone."
"Oh God, mhuirnin, no." Rose took a hesitant step towards Daniel.
He backed away, throwing up his hands in defense, but Rose tugged them down and held them tightly in hers, shaking them. "Look at me, Daniel! We're family, you and me ... and Jack. Family. Miles aren't going to separate us ... and no matter what happens, you will never be alone."
"Not yet, please. I need more time."
"Janet will understand, Daniel. But this is also for Jack ... therapies. You need to ..."
"Stop being so selfish?" Daniel recognized that his need to keep Jack close was also some convoluted sick way of physically holding Rose to this house and inhis life. Allowing her to continue healing a part of him that had been broken for far too long.
She was as astute as her son. "I'm not going anywhere, Daniel. Not until Jack is settled, I promise." Rose met his gaze shyly, tears moistening the corners of her crinkled eyes. "I need you too, you know."
"What's this?" Daniel hurriedly picked up the plate Rose had placed on the table next to his laptop, rescuing the papers underneath.
"Dinner."
"I ate dinner ..."
"No, the garbage ate your dinner," Rose chided.
"I'll eat it later." Daniel furtively glanced around, searching for an empty part of the table to put down the food.
Rose pushed the plate at Daniel. "No, you'll eat it now." To Daniel's dismay, she took the pile of papers on the chair and deposited it on the floor.
"Hey!" Daniel cried indignantly.
Rose sat, daring Daniel to object and totally ignoring the unfamiliar word Daniel muttered under his breath, waiting until he dug into the food piled on his plate.
Daniel meandered into the kitchen to refill his coffee cup. He stretched stiff muscles, remembering with a painful ache other late nights where strong hands would massage away his hurts and cajole him to bed with promises of more. Daniel breathed though the physical hurt of missing Jack and recalled, with a wry smile, Rose's admonishing stance as she stood next to the dining room chair, hoping to force him to abandon the work he had brought home. With a huff of anger and an exaggerated swish of her bathrobe, Rose had gone to bed. Daniel had been pleasantly surprised when his first foray into the kitchen for caffeine had revealed Rose's parting gift of a fresh pot of coffee, accompanied by a scathing note about the evils of coffee mixed with too little sleep.
He took a sip and was eyeing the freshly baked apple pie sitting on the counter when the phone rang. Daniel faced it with his heart pounding. "Oh God, no ..." he begged. One ring, two rings ...
"Answer it," Rose whispered from the doorway.
Daniel's hands were shaking so badly, the coffee was sloshing over the side of the cup, splattering his hand and the counter as he set the mug down. Daniel cleared his throat, hoping for enough saliva to produce a voice. "Hello ... yes. When? Okay. We'll be right there." Daniel paused, took off his glasses and swiped at his eyes with the back of hand. "Thanks for everything. Bye."
Daniel hung up the phone, slid his glasses back on and turned towards a visibly shaken, white faced Rose. "Daniel," her voice was hushed and muffled behind the trembling hand covering her mouth.
"Jack opened his eyes about thirty minutes ago ... the phone, that was Janet ... she wanted ... she thought we would like to know." Daniel rushed at her and hugged Rose off her feet. "He's awake!" Daniel shouted.
"Put me down," Rose demanded, stepping back once Daniel deposited her onto her feet. She adjusted her hair and her glasses. "Me, I'm going to get dressed. You ... you're going to clean up your mess. And then I don't give a crap about the time, you and I are going to say hello to Jack. It's been too damn long since I've seen those brown eyes of his."
Daniel was glad when Janet motioned for his attention, awash with guilt over the reprieve he was feeling by her summons.
"I'll be right back, Jack." Daniel squeezed the limp fingers. Jack's gaze never wavered, never acknowledged Daniel's presence or departure, intent on studying only Rose.
"Janet."
"I know this isn't what you expected. I should have been a little clearer when I called. I'm sorry."
Ashamed that Janet was able to read how shallow and ungrateful Daniel felt, he opened his mouth to protest, and then shut it. He was too physically tired, too emotionally spent to dispute the truth. The whole ride over to the hospital had been filled with high spirits. The truth of the long journey Jack still had to make slammed into them full force the second they stepped into the room. The trach was still in place, Jack's fingers were barely responsive to touch, but it was his eyes that had scared Daniel, chilled him.
"He's awake," Daniel answered. "That's enough for now," he lied.
Janet didn't argue with Daniel's falsehood. "We're going to leave the trach in ... wean him off of it. The Colonel's confused, Daniel, unsure of where he is. We need to give it time ... give him time."
"I know, I know," Daniel conceded. "Do you think he ... will he be ...?"
Janet's supportive arm spoke the words Daniel couldn't. "It's too early to say. I know it's hard."
"Don't tell Rose right away, okay," he begged. "Let her think that everything ..."
"Daniel." Janet's voice was a harsh whisper in the silence of the hospital hallway.
Daniel backed up until he was leaning against the wall. He gave Janet a tight, forced smile. "Jack's awake," he conceded.
"He's awake," Janet echoed. "Let's be thankful for one miracle at a time."
"So the prognosis is good?" Rose asked.
Rose, Daniel and Janet were closeted in a tiny, out of the way office.
Janet nodded, closed Jack's file and smiled broadly, unable to control her own happiness. "It's very good," Janet confirmed. "The CAT scan, MRI and all the other tests confirm the reduction of swelling. His pupils are responsive to light and you yourself have been witness to his ability to track movements."
Daniel's hand found Rose's and he grasped her fingers tightly; she squeezed his fingers in response.
"What's the next step, Janet?"
"Rehab. Where a full assessment of the Colonel's abilities can be conducted and addressed."
"There's more, isn't there?" Daniel wasn't sure if he hated his ability to be able to read into what Janet wasn't saying.
"The doctor said the prognosis was good, Daniel," Rose reprimanded. "That's enough for me."
"Not for me," Daniel countered.
"Mrs. O'Neill ... Rose?"
Rose waved a dismissive hand at Daniel. "Go ahead."
"Colonel O'Neill will go to the rehab with a trach, eventually being fitted with a valve which will allow for speech. He'll receive intensive speech therapy as well as physical therapy to address the weakness we've noted in his leg muscles. Occupational therapy will address fine motor skills ... honing in on any areas where difficulties are noted as time progresses."
"Mentally?" Daniel asked cautiously.
"Daniel!" Rose cried, standing, gathering her sweater, clearly indicating that this meeting was over.
Janet held Daniel's gaze while Rose stood with her hand on the doorknob, listening, without listening. "Honestly, Daniel. Based on the tests, I believe the Colonel is going to make a full recovery."
Daniel drove two blocks before Rose opened her mouth. "That display with Dr. Fraiser, what the hell was that all about?"
He shrugged, keeping his eyes straight ahead. "I wanted to know what to expect. This way I can be prepared."
"Prepared for what? To be disappointed?"
Daniel ignored Rose's goading. "I trust Janet's honesty. I have faith in her abilities as both a doctor and my friend."
"Faith?" Rose repeated.
Daniel shrugged again, keeping his eyes trained on the road ahead. "I guess having an O'Neill underfoot twenty four hours a day is beginning to rub off on me."
There were a few minutes of silence. "Faith, okay." Daniel noticed that Rose couldn't hide her smile behind her hand. Eventually her hand dropped into her lap as she studied the passing houses. "I'm glad you had the courage to ask Janet to lay all the facts on the table," she conceded. "'Cause I didn't. Thank you."
"Hey, Jack." Daniel gave a quick glance into the hallway, thankful Rose had stayed by the nurses' station to chat with one of the wives of another patient on the floor. Daniel positioned himself in Jack's line of vision, making a show of shaking off the rainwater on his shirt. "Didn't expect that downpour, that's for sure." Daniel took off his glasses and cleaned them on a corner of the bed sheet. Slipping them back on, he gave Jack a smile and stepped a smidgen to the right, his lips forming an ugly line at Jack's refusal to track his movements. Daniel sighed in frustration. No one else seemed to have this problem, Sam and Teal'c glowed with Jack's recognition when they came to visit. Rose even regaled Daniel with Jack's coordinated blinks in response to her questions. Fraiser was overflowing with pleasure at the Colonel's progress.
"I'm sorry. Okay?" Daniel wrapped his arms around his sodden shirt, shivering at the room's cool temperature.
Daniel shook his head, droplets of water snaking down his neck. This attitude was getting him nowhere. He couldn't blame Jack for being angry, hell he was angry himself, but playing "poor Daniel" was just infantile. What was he going to do, whine to Janet that Jack wasn't looking at him? He snorted just thinking about that. In reality, he was thankful at all the strides Jack was taking and condemning himself, or even Jack, was a totally ridiculous avenue to travel down.
Daniel placed his hands on the end of the bed and leaned forward. "I understand why you're pissed at me, but that's not going to stop me from visiting."
Daniel plucked his shirt away from his wet body. "I know, I know what you're thinking. I should've been carrying an umbrella. It's spring and after eight years of living in Colorado, I should know better. But I keep losing those damn things ..."
"Hi, Jack. Daniel, are you complaining again?" Rose placed a kiss on Jack's forehead and Daniel felt his stomach plunge somewhere around knee level as Jack turned to receive his mother's greeting.
Rose wagged a finger at Daniel. "I told you it was supposed to rain, but did you listen to me?"
"You're as bad as your son is."
"And explain to me why you should be complaining about that?" Rose countered, smiling at Daniel. Daniel offered Rose a fake smile as he faded into the corner of the room, his usual spot these days, out of the line of silent communication between mother and son.
Daniel was early. So early, the day shift was entering the rehab the same time as he was. He held the front door open, letting a few familiar faces go past, exchanging morning greetings.
Tentatively, he pushed open the door to Jack's room. The lamp on the table was switched on to its lowest setting, casting a yellowish haze to the otherwise dark room. Daniel entered quietly, allowing the door to swish closed behind him.
Daniel now relegated his appearance to the background when visiting. Being ignored was Daniel's punishment, he'd decided, and it was accepted without an argument.
Walking quietly to the bed, Daniel stood over his lover. In a gesture as involuntary as breathing, Daniel's fingers traced the laugh lines on Jack's face, jumping back as Jack's lids opened, revealing brown eyes too lucid to have been sleeping.
Jack grabbed Daniel's retreating hand and tugged it forward, dragging it up and down his cheek, eventually planting a kiss in Daniel's palm.
Daniel cleared his throat, swallowing before he had enough spit to moisten his chokingly dry throat. "So, decided you're not mad at me anymore?"
Daniel made no effort to stifle a chuckle when he was rewarded with a very familiar wink in response to his question.
"Ready, Daniel?"
Daniel was stretched the length of the couch, the book he had been reading tucked under his chest, his glasses resting on the closed cover.
Grinning wickedly, Rose hesitated only a moment before hanging her sweater back in the closet. Tonight, she would get information about Jack's evening via a telephone conversation with the nursing station.
Rose had noticed that Daniel was exhausted when he came home from work, but knew enough to chatter around his silence and not call attention to it. Her devious plan of taking a little longer than usual to get ready had worked perfectly. There was going to be hell to pay when Daniel woke and realized he had slept through the rehab's visiting hours. He would stomp through the house with smoldering anger, but Rose had her spies at the hospital and even though Daniel would lie to play his guilt card, she knew that Daniel had visited Jack early this morning.
Daniel mumbled in his sleep and Rose froze, counting up to ten before she dared to move from her spot. Covering Daniel or even moving the book would have to wait, he'd survive.
Rose had just hung up the phone with the nurses and was putting up the kettle for tea.
"Rose?"
She kept up with her task, not even turning to greet him. "Have a good sleep?"
"Why didn't you wake me?"
Rose lit the fire under the water and turned to face her accuser. "You were tired, and it was more important for you to sleep than to trek across town to see Jack."
"I don't need for you to decide what's important for me."
Without missing a beat, Rose white lied. "No, you don't. You're absolutely right and I'm sorry."
Daniel opened his mouth and slammed it shut. "You're agreeing with me?"
"Absolutely," Rose said as she pulled out two mugs. "Chamomile or ..."
"Chamomile is fine. I'm right?"
"Oh, one hundred percent," Rose agreed as she placed two tea bags in the boiling water. "I should have woken you. I had no right to make that decision."
"It's okay, Rose. I didn't mean to come off so ..."
"Angry?" Rose poured the steeped tea into the cups, hiding her smile.
"Yeah, angry," Daniel said, accepting his cup from Rose.
"It's okay." Rose sat and Daniel followed suit. Rose pushed a plate of cookies at Daniel, mentally ticking off her triumph in this battle.
Daniel sat slumped in one of the uncomfortable chairs in Jack's room. His ass hurt from this position but he was actually too lazy to get up and trek up and down the hallway. Bored, he leaned over and snagged the newspaper from the table and began to mindlessly flip through the pages.
"Hi, Dr. Jackson," the aide said in greeting as he pushed the wheelchair into the room.
Daniel looked up. "Oh hi, Rich. Jack."
"Okay, Colonel, I'm going to leave. It looks like you're in good hands."
"Thank you," Jack said. The words hollow and mechanical, but they were an acknowledgement.
"Always my pleasure." The young man set the brake on the chair, patted Jack's shoulder, nodded a goodbye at Daniel and disappeared into the traffic of the hallway.
Jack looked at Daniel, and pointed to the newspaper in his lap. "Interrupt you?"
"Huh?" Daniel stuttered, confused. "Oh, this. Nope. Just passing the time until you were finished."
"Missed you," Jack stammered.
Stupid tears burned Daniel's eyes and he blinked his emotions back under control.
"'k?"
"Sorry, I'm fine," Daniel sniffed.
"Crossword?"
Daniel checked his watch. "Jack, it's almost lunchtime and you didn't finish the crossword yet? I'm disappointed."
"Waiting for you," Jack said, released the brake and began to wheel the chair over to Daniel, yelling a 'sit' when Daniel got up to assist him.
"Oh, ordering the archaeologist around already? I see those intensive speech therapy sessions are paying off," Daniel kidded. He couldn't help but smile at the command of the English language Jack was regaining at breakneck speed. The words had a tendency to be metallic-sounding due to the trach, but each piece of vocabulary was there, used correctly and to Daniel, that's all that was important.
Jack maneuvered so he was side to side with Daniel. "Crossword?" he reiterated.
"Can you answer a question first?"
Jack nodded, confused.
"This is awkward." Daniel drew a deep breath and suddenly Daniel's words came tumbling out, tripping over each other their haste. "When you first woke up, why didn't you acknowledge me, look at me ...? Grrr -- forget it, stupid question. Never mind."
"You were angry."
"Me? Why the hell would you think I was angry?"
"You never came near me. Never touched me." Jack indicated the far corner of the room. "Stood there in the shadows. Ignored me." Jack shrugged, "Thought you were just here because ..."
"I love you," Daniel blurted out.
"I know," Jack said, patting Daniel's knee. "Now that's straightened out, can I please have the crossword. Open to page 48A."
"Bossy," Daniel whispered as he leaned over to grab a pencil from the nightstand and located the appropriate page.
"Heard that." He waggled his fingers at Daniel. "Gimme."
"Pushy," Daniel said, "and before you say anything, I wanted you to hear that."
With shaking hands that Daniel ignored, Jack tugged the paper from Daniel's grasp. Writing itself was good OT therapy for Jack, maintaining tiny letters in the boxes was something he was struggling with.
"Daniel. Word that means ..."
"Hey," Daniel said with forced indignation. "I thought you loved me but now I know you just want me for my linguistic capabilities. Cheater!"
Daniel stopped and exchanged a few pleasantries with the girl at the rehab's front desk and he noticed with surprise that Rose's signature was directly above the line he was just about to sign his name to. Daniel managed to squeeze at least one solitary visit to Jack during the day before he and Rose would jointly visit in the evening.
Sometimes Daniel's visit would coincide with one of Jack's therapies and Daniel would stand watching, silently urging his lover on. There were times Daniel would read a chapter or two of the newest John Grisham's novel to Jack and other days when Daniel would force Jack to read to him, so he could become accustomed to the ebb and tide of Jack's voice with the trach. Daniel worked hard at understanding the nuances of Jack's communication. Struggling to teach himself this new language, working at never having to ask Jack 'please repeat that, I couldn't understand'.
Daniel was tired, and it probably would have been more beneficial for him to grab a quick nap on his couch in his office. But he had finished the translation the General needed, so with no immediate emergency looming over the horizon, Daniel decided to pay himself back with an impromptu visit to Jack. He hated the surge of jealousy he felt seeing Rose's name and the time that had elapsed since she'd signed in. Jack's mother obviously visited her son during the day, the car was at her disposal and Rose did talk about her visits without Daniel. Jealousy, pure and simple at her ability to spend time with Jack as opposed to Daniel's stolen moments.
Angrily, Daniel scribbled his name and the time and curtly accepted the pass the young girl handed to him. Forcefully, he stuck the identifying label on his shirt and stomped off in the direction of Jack's room, not caring if he was behaving like an irritable child.
Daniel stood in the open doorway, his greetings to Jack and Rose dying on his lips. Jack was in the wheelchair, his back to Daniel. Rose had a chair pulled to the side of the wheelchair and she had a bowl in one hand and a spoon in the other.
"Please, Jack," Rose was pleading as she bobbed the spoon up and down enticingly.
Jack shook his head no. Daniel could picture the pursed lips, the narrowed eyes and the hardened jaw. Whatever Rose was tempting him with, wasn't sitting well with Jack.
Janet was diminishing the size of the trach valve and it was only a matter of time before the trach itself would be but a distant memory, but while that process was being completed, Jack was required to stick to soft foods, a rule he detested with a passion.
"You need to eat," Rose explained, speaking slowly.
"Not a baby," Jack countered.
"I'm sorry, Jack, I didn't understand you."
"Listen! I ... am ... not ... a ... baby. Don't want applesauce."
From his vantage-point, skulking in the hallway, Daniel saw Rose's shoulders rise and then fall with exasperation. "Okay, no applesauce for now."
Rose dropped the spoon into the bowl and slid them both to the ledge by the window.
Jack's squared his shoulders proudly at the battle he had just won, and Rose, Daniel realized, Rose suddenly looked old, defeated and incredibly sad. Suddenly a coward, Daniel turned and ran, unwilling to arbitrate this argument. At the desk, he crossed his name out completely while the girl was helping someone else, destroying all evidence of his visit.
On to Part Three
Feedback makes the difference between writing and posting; please contact me at paravati@optonline.net
|
