Jack and
Danny sat in the
truck in front of the mysterious Corey Mitchell's house at precisely
one
o’clock on Saturday afternoon. "Do you want me to go in with you?"
Jack finally asked. He wished Daniel would say 'yes'. His personality
was a great
icebreaker with kids and he'd do anything to make this easier for
Daniel.
"No, I
can go by
myself," Daniel slowly decided. "Do I look okay?"
"Do you
look
okay?" Jack pretended to study him intently. He resisted the urge to
kiss
the worry line off of Daniel's brow in case any of the other kids
showed up to
witness it. Instead, he patted down a piece of uncooperative hair.
"There.
You look terrific. Now would you quit worrying? You're going to have a
great
time."
"And I'll
call you
when I want to come home, right?"
"Yep,
I'll be home
all day. If you're having fun though, stay as long as you want to. I
have
Corey's number so if it gets too late I'll call and check on you. Okay?"
"Okay."
"Well,
you have your
present and the card; did you bring your inhaler?"
Daniel
nodded and patted
his backpack. "And the invitation," he added. "In case they
forgot they invited me."
"Well,
looks like
you're all set and I'm sure they remember who they invited." Jack
patted
Daniel's thigh to urge him on. "You better get going or the party will
be
over before you get in there."
Daniel
gripped the car
door, opened it and stepped out.
"Hey,"
Jack
yelled out the window. "Have fun, buddy."
A nod of
the head was the
only response. Jack watched Daniel as he slowly, reluctantly made his
way up the
walk to the front door. He looked more like a prisoner keeping a date
with the
electric chair than a boy celebrating a friend's birthday. It took
Daniel a few
seconds to build up the courage to ring the doorbell. Jack waved as
Daniel
turned around, checking to see if he was still there. Before Daniel had
a
chance to wave back the front door opened and he was ushered inside.
Daniel
Jackson was not
anything at all what Jack expected a ten-year-old boy to be. He didn't
really
have a handle on this yet, but he would. One thing he did have a handle
on was
the depth of his feelings. He loved the boy, plain and simple. It took
everything he had not to run up to the front steps and ring the bell,
check on
Daniel's breathing, give him a hug, and calm his nervous anxiety.
Someone's
mom answered
the door to the house. Daniel could tell it was a mom; since he had
lost his
own, he’d had a radar for moms and could always tell. "Hi, I'm Mrs.
Mitchell, Corey's mom, come on in." For a second he hesitated, fighting
down the urge to run back to the safety of the truck and Jack.
They
wouldn't invite me
if they didn't want me to come. He silently repeated the comforting
mantra Jack
had given him and turned his back on his last chance to escape. At
least Mrs.
Mitchell seemed nice.
"Come on,
the
party's this way," she encouraged. "And you are?"
"Daniel
Jackson,
ma'am. I have an invitation." He dug around in his backpack.
Mrs.
Mitchell chuckled.
"It's okay, I'm sure you do. Here, I'll take that for you," she said
reaching for the present.
"It's for
Corey." The gift was Daniel's lifeline and he was reluctant to let it
go.
Mrs.
Mitchell smiled.
"I guessed that. I'm just going to put it in there," she pointed to
the family room, "with all the other presents."
Daniel's
eyes went wide
as he spotted the number of gifts piled on the table, his confidence in
the car
wavering slightly.
"The boys
are out
back by the pool," she informed him.
He
waited, not sure if he
was supposed to know where that was.
"I'll
show you,
hon." Corey's mom led the way to the backyard. Daniel paused at the
sliding glass doors, taking a minute to summon his courage. "Corey,
Daniel's here." The introduction spurred him on to follow her out on to
the patio.
There
were six boys
lounging out there, none of whom Daniel would categorize as
particularly
friendly towards him.
"Hi." The
birthday boy himself offered a surprised greeting.
Daniel
smiled hopefully
at the tone. He wouldn't invite me if he didn't want me to come.
It helped
that Mr.
Mitchell was outside too. They were talking about birthdays and it
wasn't long
before Daniel relaxed enough to divulge that he was born in Egypt.
That
fact fascinated Mr. Mitchell and he was even more intrigued when Daniel
revealed he spoke fluent Arabic. Daniel was chattering so happily with
Mr.
Mitchell he failed to notice none of the boys were joining in the
conversation.
When he finally did notice, it was too late to include them. But, Mr.
Mitchell
was Corey's dad, so now Corey would like him. He was sure of it. If
Jack liked
someone, Daniel would certainly do his best to make friends with that
person as
well.
As soon
as Mr. and Mrs.
Mitchell went into the house the atmosphere abruptly changed. "Show
off," Ryan Danvers accused. "Do you think you're smarter than
everyone else?"
Surprised
at the speed of
the turnabout Daniel immediately flushed pink and looked down at the
ground.
"No," he whispered, his stomach beginning to churn with the old
familiar fear of rejection. He waited, hoping Corey would say something
to stick
up for him, but deep down he knew better. He'd been in this situation
before
and understood all to well where this was heading.
"How do
we even know
that was Arabic? You probably made it all up."
"I'm not
making it
up," Daniel said a bit more loudly. He hated being told he was wrong
when
he was right. "Ask me anything."
"Okay,
I'll ask you
something," Jason Hawthorne jumped in. "Why did you come to the
party?"
He wished
he hadn't, if
that counted for anything. "Corey invited me," Daniel said as bravely
as he could. He knew it was probably a trick question but couldn't
think of a
better response. Corey was his only hope.
Corey
himself spoke up.
"Moms and teachers," he said ominously. "That's why I invited
you."
They
wouldn't invite you
if they didn't want you to come. Jack had been wrong. Moms and teachers
was the
answer that had been eluding him. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
"Do you
see Albert
Castleberry here?" Ryan asked with a hint of sarcasm. Before living
with
Jack Daniel might not have recognized the inflection.
He hadn't
noticed.
"No," he whispered after a quick look around, unsure of the
significance.
"You want
to know
why?"
Not
really. He was sure
there was a joke at his expense in there somewhere.
Ryan
answered for him.
"Because he's smarter than you, Jackson. That's why. He got invited,
but
he wasn't dumb enough to actually show up." His tormentor stood over
him
and pointed his finger into Daniel's chest. "But you, the Arabic
speaking
geek genius came running right over." That brought peals of laughter
from
the other boys.
Moms and
teachers. The
weight on Daniel's chest grew heavier with every taunt.
"Did you
at least
bring Corey a gift?" Jason questioned.
Forcing
himself to
breathe slowly and deeply became Daniel's top priority.
Ryan
snickered at the
question. "What did you bring? A stupid book? A pocket protector? Oh,
wait, I know, an Arabic dictionary so you can pretend you speak another
language."
"I can
speak another
language, lots of them," Daniel said stubbornly to his shoes.
"Yeah,
right."
"If it's
not a video
game or something for my Gameboy I don't want it," Corey said
dismissively.
So much
for 'it's the
thought that counts.' Daniel blinked back stinging tears that were
quickly
gathering and threatening to fall. Three hours. That's how long it had
taken he
and Jack to find the remote control race car, the not so perfect gift
after
all. Three stores and the entire mall. Jack would feel so bad if he
knew what a
dumb gift it had turned out to be. Right then and there Daniel decided
not to
tell him. Plus, Jack had initially thought the car was too expensive
for a
birthday present. Please, Jack. Daniel remembered pleading his case
until Jack
had relented. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
"You know
what would
have been the best present?" Corey continued to taunt quietly, making
sure
his parents were out of earshot. Daniel wondered what his nice mom
would think
if she knew how mean her son was being. Of course, she'd never know.
"The best
present
would have been if you'd have stayed home." That brought another round
of
hurtful laughter.
He wasn't
going to cry.
He wasn't. Instead, he resorted to his tried and true method of escape.
Still
managing to hold back the tears he calmly opened the sliding glass
door. Once
inside the house, he reached into his backpack and took out his trusty
inhaler.
It only took a few seconds to convince Corey's mom to call Jack to come
and
pick him up.
Daniel
sat as still as he
could on the bench in the front hall watching out the screen door for
Jack's
truck. He didn't want anyone to see him or talk to him, or be nice to
him. If
someone was nice to him he might cry, and he hadn't cried yet and
wasn't about
to now. All he wanted to do was to go home, not to Jack's house, but
home to
Egypt where he didn't have to try to be a 'normal' boy like Corey or
Ryan or
Jason or... Charlie. Egypt
was the only place on earth where it had been okay to be Daniel
Jackson.
When
Daniel looked up he
saw Jack opening the door of the truck and hurrying up the walk,
carrying the
nebulizer in one hand and looking terribly worried. "Bye, Mrs.
Mitchell," he yelled politely and shot out the door to head Jack off.
He
ran to greet him and grabbed his hand trying to tug him back toward the
Avalanche.
"Are you
okay?"
Jack was down on one knee, his hand already reaching out to feel
Daniel's
chest.
Daniel
didn't trust
himself to do more than nod. As he suspected, it was much harder to
hold back
tears in the face of kindness than in the face of cruelty.
Apparently
satisfied with
his breathing sounds Jack stood up and to Daniel's complete dismay,
announced
he wanted to speak to Mr. or Mrs. Mitchell. The last thing Daniel
wanted to do
was go back inside that house.
Mrs.
Mitchell saved the
day by appearing in the doorway and walking towards them. "I hope he
feels
better," she offered sympathetically.
When she
was close
enough, she held out her hand and introduced herself. "Diane
Mitchell."
"Jack
O'Neill. What
happened?" Jack sounded so worried.
"I'm not
sure. He
seemed fine one minute and then he asked me to call you and said his
asthma was
bothering him. I did notice he sounded a bit wheezy when he came to get
me." She held a bag out to Jack, but smiled at Daniel. "The party
favors and a big piece of cake for you when you're feeling better," she
explained. "I'm so sorry you couldn’t stay for the food and the gifts,
Daniel. It was so nice to meet you."
She meant
it, she liked
him, he could tell. Grown-ups always liked him. Kids were another
story. Kids
had no use for him.
"So there
was no
trouble?" Jack asked hesitantly, still giving Daniel a visual once
over.
"No, he
was no
trouble at all."
Daniel
was relieved she
had misunderstood the question. Jack looked relieved too. Daniel was
glad, he
didn't want to be any trouble; he could take care of himself, just like
always.
Sitting
alone outside the
principal's office a few days later gave Daniel plenty of time to think
about
his actions. He was still shocked the principal had called Jack at work
to come
and pick him up. For the first time since the incident, his chest
tightened slightly
and he began to doubt himself. His asthma rarely acted up when in the
midst of
an angry display of temper; scared or stressed was another story.
His history teacher, Mr. Reynolds, had corrected him on one of his
answers and
some of the kids had silently mocked him. He'd heard Corey and Ryan
snickering
that he probably didn't speak Arabic either. Daniel wasn't going to
yield, not
this time. So what if Mr. Reynolds was a teacher, that didn't mean he
knew
everything.
"But I'm
right," Daniel had insisted defiantly. The disagreement had
deteriorated
quickly.
"Let's
move on and
discuss this after class, shall we?" Mr. Reynolds had finally suggested.
"It
doesn't matter
when we discuss it," Daniel had responded hotly. "I'll still be right
and you'll still be wrong." Okay, that might have been over the
imaginary
line. A nervous, universal gasp had gone up from the class and that's
when
Daniel had first noticed that Mr. Reynolds was mad. Very mad. It had
taken a
while for the easygoing teacher to get to that point but he was
definitely
there, and for some reason, Daniel didn't care. He had decided he hated
this
school and these kids and this teacher, and yes, he was angry and he
was not
about to calm down and let everyone think he was wrong when he wasn't.
Instead,
he offered up a suggestion of his own. "Let's look it up on the
Internet
and then we'll see who's right." It had gone downhill from there. He
guessed it was the attitude more than the words that had set Mr.
Reynolds off
and landed him in his current situation.
It seemed
like a victory
at the time, but now sitting in the outer office, he wasn't so sure. To
combat
the nervousness, Daniel found his inhaler and took two deep pulls to
calm
himself and loosen the vice that was slowly tightening. He wondered if
Charlie
had ever been in enough trouble to warrant Jack being called away from
his
important job at CheyenneMountain. If
he had been
in trouble, Sara had probably come so Jack didn't have to bother.
Forty
minutes later, Mrs.
Duncan, the secretary, showed Jack into Principal Evans office while
Daniel
waited outside, unable to hear what the adults were saying behind
closed doors.
Daniel took heart in the fact Jack had stopped to say hello to him and
ask if
he was all right. He wondered exactly what Mr. Evans was saying. It
wasn't
fair. Mr. Evans wasn't there; he didn't even know the stupid question
much less
which answer was correct. The longer Jack was inside the farther
Daniel's heart
sank. He scuffed the toe of one shoe with the other. Jack didn't
condone
disrespect in any way, shape or form; he considered disrespect and
lying to be
very serious matters. Daniel comforted himself with the fact that he
didn't
lie, he was right; they could all look it up. Jack would believe him,
he
thought confidently.
Jack
strode out of the
office amazed at the report of Daniel's classroom behavior the
principal had
just shared. He gathered up Daniel and headed for home, using the drive
time to
figure out the best way to handle this. The ride was uncomfortably
quiet. The
one time Daniel tried to explain, Jack shushed him and strongly advised
him to
wait until they were home. He noticed the reprimand only seemed to add
fuel to
the fire of Daniel's growing anger.
As soon
as the truck
pulled into the driveway Daniel jumped out and hurried into the house.
"Daniel
Jackson, get
back here. Right now." Jack had quickly followed through the door and
Daniel had only made it halfway to his bedroom when the booming voice
stopped
him.
All the
pent up pain and
frustration exploded as Daniel returned to the living room. "I was
right!
My answer was right! He didn't want to listen to me!" Daniel shouted as
he
folded his arms across his chest.
"Sit down
and we'll
talk about this. You're not going to shout at me," Jack said very
calmly.
"I don't
want to sit
down," Daniel insisted loudly, stomping around for good measure. "You
never listen to me either. No one ever listens to me."
"Stop
acting like a
brat and I'll listen." The tone indicated Jack's calm façade was
in danger
of slipping into major annoyance.
"You
won't. No one
does. And, I'm not a brat. I'm not. And you don't know everything
either, Jack.
You're wrong too. You're wrong, just like Mr. Reynolds."
"Me? I
wasn’t even
there. And I didn't say you were a brat. I said you were acting like
one and
you are. Now stop shouting at me and calm down so we can talk about
this."
"No,"
Daniel
sputtered defiantly.
Jack was
at the end of
his rope. "Fine, then you can go up to your room and stay there until
you're capable of being civil. I won't be..."
"J-Jack."
Daniel's hand went to his chest and the blue eyes went wide with
startled
panic.
"Shit!
Hold on,
Danny." Jack jumped up from the couch and ran to Daniel's room for the
nebulizer, grabbing the cordless phone along the way.
By the
time he returned
Daniel had collapsed on the couch and was panting frantically for a
breath of
air. Jack sat down and pulled Daniel into a sitting position between
his legs.
He repositioned Daniel's head and neck as Fraiser had suggested and
slid the
mask over the gulping mouth, praying the green mist in the little
yellow
machine would get the job done. The phone was beside him, just in case.
"Daniel,
that's
enough. You can breathe if you try. Nice and slow, in and out," he said
with more confidence than he felt. Keeping up a steady stream of
encouraging
words seemed to help. Through trial and error, Jack had discovered that
in the
throes of an attack, Daniel responded best to his firm, reassuring
command
voice. After twenty fear-filled minutes Daniel's breathing evened out
and
Jack's heart once again resumed its normal rhythm.
"Better?"
Jack
removed the mask and continued to stroke through Daniel's sweaty hair
with
trembling fingers.
Daniel
nodded shakily.
The small chest was still raspy and Daniel was exhausted from the
effort. Jack
gently rocked him back and forth, not willing to let go.
It was
Daniel who spoke
first. "I'll go to my room now," he said quietly.
"Let's
just sit here
for a few minutes," Jack whispered, placing a kiss on the boy's head.
"You
don't have to
be nice to me."
"Nice to
you?"
Jack asked, confused.
"Because
I'm
sick," Daniel blushed. "Everyone's always nice to me when I'm
sick."
"How
about we save
that for later?" Jack squeezed Daniel possessively. The poor kid
sounded
so worn.
"No one
listens to
me," Daniel sighed.
Jack
decided no
ten-year-old should ever sound that tired.
"My real
dad
listened to me," Daniel corrected sleepily. "My real dad always
listened to me. He thought I was smart."
Jack
froze at the words.
Daniel
continued in the
same quiet voice. "It's okay, Jack. I understand you're not my real
dad.
You don't have to listen to me if you don't want to."
It took
Jack a few
seconds to find his voice. "I want to listen, Danny. I do. What do you
want to tell me?"
"That I
was right. I
told Mr. Reynolds he had the dynasties of Egypt wrong but he wouldn't
listen.
He showed me in the book. But the book was wrong." Daniel paused for a
minute before adding, "My dad said it's a common error."
"The book
is
wrong?" Jack shook his head in amazement.
"Yes,
because it's
an older book." Daniel looked up to see Jack's eyes. "You know that
books aren't always right, don't you, Jack?"
"Sure,"
he said
slowly, continuing to hug Daniel close for his own comfort as much as
Danny's.
"Daniel," he started gently. "It's still wrong to yell at a
teacher and contradict him in front of the class, even if you're right.
You
must know that, don't you?"
"The kids
were
laughing at me." Daniel buried his face deeper into Jack's chest.
"Why?"
Jack
asked simply.
"They
w-wanted me to
be wrong because they don't l-like me." The stuttering made it clear
how
difficult that admission was.
"Even
after the
party? I thought you made a few friends," Jack questioned.
Red-faced,
Daniel came
clean. "They didn't want me at the party, Jack. You were wrong. They
didn't invite me because they wanted me to come. They invited me
because of
moms and teachers." The little body trembled against him. "But moms
and teachers can't make kids like you," he observed sadly.
Now it
was Jack's chest tightening
uncomfortably. "How do you know that?" His gentle tone belied his
anger.
"Corey
told
me."
Jack
nodded, not trusting
himself to speak. The kid told Daniel, to his face. That explained a
lot.
"I tried
to make
friends. I was nice to everyone. Really, I was."
Remembering
the long week
of excitement and the thought and care that went into picking out the
perfect
gift slammed into Jack and caused him to blink back angry tears. "Shh,
I
know. I know you were, Danny. It's okay."
"Jack,
why don't
kids like me?"
It was a
loaded question
so Jack gave it careful consideration. He thought about the huge brain
housed
inside the skinny little body and the big round glasses, that, coupled
with the
inquisitive, unusual questions and the rare, serious smile, not to
mention a
stubborn streak the size of California and it all added up to the aura
of being
different. Different has its advantages as an adult, but as a child, it
was the
kiss of death. Poor kid might as well walk around with a sign that said
'kick
me' on his back.
"You just
haven't
met the right kids yet, that's all. Let's get you to bed." Jack kissed
the
blonde hair beneath his chin.
The fact
Daniel didn't
put up a fuss about going to bed in the middle of the afternoon proved
how worn
out he was. He barely woke up when Jack carried him to his room and
gently laid
him down on the bed. He only stirred to whisper "goodnight" when Jack
changed him into his pajamas and propped pillows underneath his head to
keep
his airway as clear as possible.
Worried
about a secondary
attack brought on by the first one, Jack stretched out on top of the
sheet
beside a sleeping Daniel, his senses on high alert for any stress or
break in
the steady, slightly wheezy breathing pattern.
Tossing
and turning, Jack
found himself restless, unable to doze. Something was nagging at him,
something
Daniel had said about moms and teachers. After a while it came to him
and made
him wish he'd forgotten. Charlie's last birthday party... "Do I have to
invite him, Mom? He's weird."
To his
shame, Jack had
sided with Charlie. "Sara, let him invite who he wants, it's his
party."
Sara
would have none of
his ignorant nonsense. After giving him a scathing look, she informed
Charlie,
in no uncertain terms, that he would invite all the boys in the class
or none
of them. God bless moms and teachers. Try as he might, aside from
Charlie's
closer friends, Jack couldn't recall the other kids at the party. Now
he
wondered if the 'weird' boy had come, and if he had, had he cried
himself to
sleep that night? He doubted Charlie had it in him to be as mean as
Corey had
been behind his parent's back. Still, it bothered him and he wished he
could
live that over again, he wished he could live his entire life over
again; it
would be different because he was different. He would make it a point
to be
home more, he would listen better to his wife and son, he'd take more
care, and
he'd hug Charlie more often, like he tried to do now with Daniel.
Maybe
Sara was right. He
was using Daniel to try to fix something inside himself that had
shattered into
a million pieces. He needed to quit struggling to do the impossible and
fix the
past; he needed to move forward for his own sake as well as for
Daniel's. Of
course, recognizing the facts didn't automatically change them. He
rested his
hand on Danny's back, feeling the congested rattling of the boy's lungs
through
the thin pajamas. For Danny's sake he vowed to try.
Daniel
sighed and shifted
in his seat. Mr. Reynolds was still writing on the chalkboard, his
clear block
letters listing that week’s spelling words. Spelling! As if Daniel
hadn’t
mastered all those words years ago. Now, if he’d been asking him to
spell them
in Greek, or Hieratic, that would be something else. That would be a
challenge.
At least
spelling was
better than History, or as this school called it, Social Studies. Which
was the
dumbest name Daniel had ever heard. Not only was the majority of the
world
woefully neglected in favor of American history, or more accurately, US
history, the books that they were working from were at least twenty
years old.
Did no one but him understand that their understanding of the past was
constantly evolving? Did they think that everything there was to know
had been
learned by 1982?
Daniel
dutifully wrote
the spelling words down, sighing again. Then he shut his school
notebook and
dug his journal out of his backpack, relishing the scent of old leather
from
the binding. This journal was one of the few possessions he had from
Before. He
divided his life into two sharp halves, Before and After. Before was
living in Egypt
with his
mom and dad. After was... not.
“Everyone
write the
spelling words out five times,” Mr. Reynolds said, dusting his hands
together
and turning back to the class. Around Daniel, kids broke out pencils
and paper
and began the process of learning by rote repetition.
Daniel
tilted his head to
one side and considered his journal. He ran his fingers over the thick,
heavy
paper. It had a high linen content, almost more cloth than paper, and
if he
pressed his nose to the pages, he could still catch a whiff of the
desert. The
scent was baked in by the hot Egyptian sun. Sand and camels and rich
spices,
and sometimes, when he really wanted it to be there, he could smell his
mother’s perfume. Water lilies, rare and delicate.
He turned
the pages,
smiling slightly at the different languages he’d tried, the elegant
stretches
of Latin, the beautiful and ornate hieroglyphs, drawn with such care.
He looked
back up at the spelling words and wrinkled his nose. English was not a
pretty
language. It felt bare and functional to him, chunky and mechanical. It
lacked
the fluid sound of French and the familiar warmth of Arabic.
He would
write the
spelling words, he decided, but he would do it his way. Mr. Reynolds
didn’t
like him anyway, not since he’d contradicted him in class about that
error in
the book. And he’d been right, Daniel thought fiercely. Not that it
mattered.
Jack, at least, had believed him. Eventually. Jack liked him. But the
people at
this school didn’t, and the feeling was definitely mutual. Why should
he bother
trying to make them happy? Why should he do the stupid assignment when
he
already knew the words back to front? Wasn’t he here to learn
something?
Right. If
they weren’t
going to teach him, he would just have to teach himself. Grinning,
Daniel
turned to a clean page in his journal and wrote the spelling words,
once in
English to use as a base. Then he translated to Arabic, which he was
most
comfortable with. The familiar characters made him swallow and think of
home,
as it had been Before. The ten words were done all too quickly, and
then he
paused, considering. Hieroglyphs would be challenging, both because he
was
still learning them, and because some words did not translate well.
Computer,
for example, or aeronautics. These were not things that ancient
Egyptians had
needed to write about.
French,
then. Modern and
archaic, he decided, for that extra level of difficulty. Then Greek,
also both
modern and ancient. He loved Greek, both for the interesting shape of
the letters
and the unique alphabet, and for his fond memories of a summer spent in
Crete when he was six. The Mediterranean Sea had been so blue that his
first sight of it had taken his
breath away. Such a beautiful place, and with so many happy and
generous people.
He was
leaning back in
his seat, daydreaming of happier times, when his journal was suddenly
jerked
out from under his hands. He reached for it automatically, a protest
dying on
his lips when he saw Mr. Reynolds standing over him, frowning.
“What’s
this?” the
teacher asked, running his finger over Daniel’s careful script.
Daniel
tensed, wanting to
snap at the man to not touch it. He’d get his smell on the pages, wipe
out the
lingering traces of the precious desert. “It’s mine,” he said, fiercely
controlling
his voice. He couldn’t let himself get in another fight with the
teacher. Jack
had been very clear about that after the last time, about being
respectful even
if he was sure he was right.
“Did you
do the
assignment?” Mr. Reynolds asked patiently.
Daniel
was now the center
of attention. Everyone was staring at him, and he could see Corey
grinning,
rolling his eyes. He whispered something to one of his friends and they
snickered together. Daniel gritted his teeth. “No,” he replied. “I
already know
those words.”
Mr.
Reynolds shook his
head. “That doesn’t exempt you from the assignment. I’m afraid I’ll
have to
take this until you can focus on the work.” He closed the journal and
tucked it
under his arm.
“No!”
Daniel shrank when
everyone’s stares became a little sharper. He swallowed and tried for a
calmer
voice. “Please. I’ll put it in my backpack and I won’t touch it
anymore. Please
don’t take it away.”
Corey
laughed again, and
Daniel heard the whispered comment this time. “Hey, the weirdo’s gonna
cry about
his book!”
The
teacher gave Corey a
stern look and he subsided, but gave Daniel a mocking smile as soon as
Mr.
Reynolds turned back. Daniel told himself to ignore Corey. He didn’t
matter. He
reminded himself that he didn’t care about the kids here, they didn’t
like him
and he didn’t like them and what they thought of him was meaningless.
And he
was not going to cry. If Mr. Reynolds took his journal away... well,
he’d be
okay. Somehow. It was just a book. Sure.
Mr.
Reynolds sighed and
opened the journal again, finding the list of spelling words in
English, and
the other languages laid out beside them in a neat row. He raised his
eyebrows
and gave Daniel a speculative look. “Is that French?”
Daniel
nodded
uncertainly. He tugged the spine of the book gently, relieved when it
was
placed on his desk again. He kept one hand firmly on it, holding it
there.
“That’s modern French,” he said, pointing. “That’s the archaic form.
That’s
Greek, and that’s Arabic.” He was warming to the subject now, glad that
Mr. Reynolds
was listening quietly, seeming interested. “It was hard to get the
terms in the
older languages, as many modern English words were created for specific
technologies and while their roots are often drawn from Latin and
Greek, like
most Western languages, that doesn’t mean that there’s a direct
translation. Of
course, any translation loses a lot of the meaning in the process, due
to
context and the evolution of language over time, being linked with
culture. A
word that may technically mean the same thing in two different
languages can’t
possibly carry all the same connotations--” Daniel stopped abruptly,
realizing
he was now delivering a lecture to the entire class. He slumped in his
seat,
his ears burning.
The
teacher was looking
at him oddly now, and around him, the class was tittering, murmuring to
each
other. Daniel swallowed and dropped his head, staring down at his
journal,
seeking comfort in the safe, familiar languages.
“Daniel,
were you given
aptitude tests before being placed here?”
He
nodded. He’d taken the
tests, and they’d wanted to skip him ahead. Drastically ahead. Eighth
grade had
been mentioned, and it was only that low due to his more limited math
skills.
Jack, however, had insisted he be placed with kids his own age. That he
be
treated like a “normal” boy. He remembered Jack saying that a lot. He
supposed
Charlie had never been stared at as his test results came back, and
murmured
about behind closed office doors. Charlie had been normal.
Apparently
realizing
Daniel did not want to discuss this in the middle of the classroom, Mr.
Reynolds straightened. “Never mind. I’ll do some checking on my own. In
the
meantime, you put that book away and do the assignment, is that clear?”
“Yes,”
Daniel said
eagerly, nodding. “I’m sorry.” Which he wasn’t, really, but it was what
he said
when he had nothing else to say. And at least Mr. Reynolds was letting
him keep
the journal. He was willing to be cooperative just for that.
The
teacher seemed to
accept his words, going back to the front of the class and giving
everyone
pointed looks until they turned back to their own work. Daniel sighed
in relief
and carefully closed the journal, running his fingers reverently over
the soft,
worn leather. He couldn’t resist holding it to his chest for a moment
before slipping
it into his backpack. When he looked up, he saw Corey, Ryan and Jason
all
watching him. He scowled at them and then opened his notebook,
meticulously
copying the words and ignoring the derisive looks directed at him.
Daniel
was glad when the
day was over. School had been mostly boring and lonely for him before
Corey’s
birthday party, but ever since that disaster, it had been downright
painful.
Maybe Mr. Reynolds would talk to Jack about skipping him ahead now? But
Jack
didn’t want that. And besides, Daniel had been skipped ahead in other
schools,
when he lived in other places, and it had never helped. The work had
been a
little more challenging, but the kids had been even bigger, and less
inclined
to like him.
Sighing,
Daniel got to
his feet with the other kids, watching as they gathered up books and
papers and
prepared to go home. The teacher was calling out the homework for that
evening,
reminding them all about the Social Studies test on Friday. Daniel
couldn’t
help rolling his eyes. He’d done the homework in class, like he always
did, and
the test was a joke. The other kids were groaning about it though, so
he made a
half-hearted attempt to mumble and complain as well. That was what a
normal kid
would do. Jack wanted him to be normal. He had to at least try.
He picked
his backpack up
and slung one strap over his shoulder, joining the stream of kids
heading out
the door. He didn’t like to stand on the street with all of them,
waiting for
buses and rides. He had a keenly developed sense of his vulnerability
at all
times, and out there on the road, there were a lot of kids and very
little
adult supervision. It was not a good place to be.
Since
Carla picked him up
and he didn’t have to catch a bus, he could afford to duck into the
bathroom
and wait for most of the crowd to dissipate. Carla never complained
about
waiting a few extra minutes, and Daniel appreciated the time and
solitude to
push away the stress of the day and look forward to going to Jack’s
house. That
place wasn’t entirely stress-free either, but it was vastly better than
school.
Daniel
ducked out of the
noisy hallway, full of shouts and laughter, and entered the empty
bathroom with
relief. He liked this one in particular because there was a bench
against one
wall, the dark wood looking odd and out of place amidst the pale green
and
white tiles. Daniel wasn’t sure why it was there, and he suspected it
had
something to do with that wall being empty and the school just needing
something to stick there so the bathroom didn’t look so lopsided.
Didn’t
matter, because it made a good place to sit and enjoy the quiet for a
few
minutes.
He could
hear the
children in the hall moving away, the bubbling rush of noise pouring
out the
big double doors and into the open air. He leaned back and closed his
eyes,
taking a deep breath. Shrugging his backpack off, he pulled out his
journal and
held it to his chest again. The scent of home wafted to him and he
sighed,
feeling muscles in his back and shoulders unknot. It could have been
worse, he
thought. Mr. Reynolds could have taken this from him. He had so little
left
now. It was probably foolish to even bring the journal here, to risk
it, but he
couldn’t bear the thought of trying to get through the isolation and
mocking
laughter of each day without something to hold onto.
He
decided to take a few
extra minutes today. It had been a bad day. He needed time to put on a
happy
face for Carla, who talked to Jack. If he looked upset, Jack would find
out,
and want to know why. He might tell Daniel to stop writing other
languages in
class. Or maybe even to leave the journal at home. Either way he’d be
upset
that Daniel hadn’t been doing the assigned work. He’d sigh, and look
disappointed, which was somehow so much worse than getting angry. That
disappointed look on Jack’s face made Daniel’s stomach twist every time.
Daniel
heard the
pneumatic hiss of the door and his eyes snapped open. He sat up
straighter,
swallowing and clutching his journal when Corey came in, closely
followed by
Ryan and Jason.
“Oh look,
it’s the genius,”
Corey began, stalking toward him. Daniel was aware of the other two
boys
fanning out, and how they loomed over him, standing while he sat on the
bench.
“You just
couldn’t stop,
could you?” Jason taunted, shaking his head. “Had to go showing off
again.
Making up all that language crap.”
“It
wasn’t made up,”
Daniel muttered, glaring. He stood up, only to be shoved back down,
Corey
making it look effortless.
“Let’s
see it,” Ryan
said, reaching for his journal. “Let’s see what you were scribbling.”
“No!”
Daniel clutched it
harder, twisting away from the grasping hands. “It’s mine.”
“You
gonna cry if we take
your precious book?” Corey asked, and they all laughed. Daniel shook
his head,
gritting his teeth.
“C’mon,
geek, let’s see
what you’ve got.” Jason grabbed his wrists, forcing them apart. Ryan
pried the
journal from his weakened grasp, holding it up triumphantly.
“No!”
Daniel shouted
again, kicking and twisting. Jason looked surprised at the sudden
struggling
but stood over him, pinning his shoulders down, using his superior
weight and
height.
Ryan
passed the journal
to Corey, who opened it, his smile fading when he saw that most of the
entries
were in Arabic. Daniel never wrote his secrets in English, and he was
suddenly
grateful for that small mercy. At least they wouldn’t be able to read
how he
felt. He’d written about Jack, about how he hoped that Jack would keep
him. He
hadn’t even dared say that out loud to anyone, or to himself, but it
was safe
to write it in the journal. He had letters to his parents in there,
saying how
much he missed them, how much it still hurt that they were gone. He’d
written
of how lonely he was, how much he wished for a friend, and the journal
had
listened to all of it. He couldn’t bear the thought of those words
being mocked.
“This is
trash,” Corey
sneered, shaking his head. “More scribbling.” He grasped a chunk of
paper and
pulled hard, the old binding giving with sickening ease. Daniel
watched,
feeling like he’d just been punched in the stomach. He stopped
struggling, his
eyes wide, his throat closing to a pinhole. He could hear his breathing
whistling distantly.
“Tear it
up,” Jason said.
Corey
twisted the papers,
beginning to tear them, and then paused. Daniel allowed himself a brief
moment
to hope that this was a reprieve, that Corey was going to return his
precious
words to him, that it could be taped together, fixed. Then he met the
other
boy’s gleeful, hard eyes, and the hope disappeared.
“Nah,”
Corey said
indolently. “I’ve got a better place for this crap.” And he turned
toward one
of the stalls.
Daniel
closed his eyes,
biting his lip. He heard ripping, and then several flushes. His
breathing was
beginning to wheeze badly now, his chest locked. He felt like he had a
heavy
weight on him, pinning him to the wall, like gravity was working
triple. Sweat
broke out on his back and forehead, and his heart hammered painfully.
“Hey,
Corey...” Ryan’s
voice was worried. Daniel heard it distantly. He began scrabbling in
his pocket
for his inhaler, but that was distant too. Automatic. Most of his focus
was on
those long, vicious ripping sounds.
“What?”
“He’s
choking or
something, man. He doesn’t look good.”
There
were footsteps, and
Daniel slowly opened his eyes. Corey stood over him, frowning, holding
his
journal in one hand. Or what was left of it. Nothing but the leather
cover now,
the paper entirely gone. Long brown threads dangled from the
eviscerated
binding, and as Daniel watched, a final scrap of paper fluttered to the
floor.
He closed his eyes again, his mouth opening and shutting like a fish
out of
water.
“He’s
probably just
faking,” Corey said uncertainly. “Hey! Quit it.” He shoved at Daniel’s
shoulder.
Daniel
felt his inhaler
in his pocket but didn’t pull it out. They might take it from him.
“His
breathing sounds
weird,” Jason said. He sounded like he was far away, but Daniel wasn’t
sure if
that was because he’d moved or if it was just that everything seemed
far away
at the moment. “We should get out of here.”
“Yeah.”
Corey gave him
another half-hearted shove. “Here’s your book.” Something slapped on
the bench
beside him. Daniel didn’t open his eyes.
When he
heard the door
close, he whipped the inhaler out, pushing hard on the plunger and
shooting
medicine into his throat. He took two shots of the mist and then forced
himself
to put it down, to control his breathing and give it a chance to work.
His free
hand crept over to his side, and he felt the smooth, familiar leather.
It was
wet now, half the cover sodden and squishing under his fingertips.
Corey must
have... god, he must have actually dipped it, since it was too big to
flush.
Daniel
bit his lip and
forced some more deep breaths. Just a book, he told himself. He could
get
another one. With a leather cover and thick, rich paper. Just as good.
It
wouldn’t have the
scent of Egypt,
though.
The subtle whiff of his mother’s perfume. The pages in the beginning,
where his parents had written, had showed him the hieroglyphs, the
Greek
characters, and his own careful hand mimicking them. He remembered how
his
father had held his hand, guiding it across the paper. The paper that
was now
somewhere in the school’s sewer system.
Daniel
sniffed hard and
shook his head. His throat was trying to choke up on him again and he
forced it
back, holding onto his control with everything he had. It was just a
book. He
still had the memory, and that was what mattered. He’d lost plenty of
things
that reminded him of Before, and he’d gotten over them. He’d get over
this,
too. Didn’t matter. What was one more thing?
His
breathing was slowly
easing, leaving him shaking and tired, his back unpleasantly cold and
itchy
with drying sweat. His heart still thumped hard and fast, his throat
sore, his
mouth tasting of bitter medicine. He took one last breath from his
inhaler and
put it away. Then he leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes,
focusing
on the wheeze of his breathing. He just wouldn’t think about it. If he
didn’t
think too much, it would be okay.
Eventually,
he heard
Carla’s voice out in the hall, calling him. He sighed and got to his
feet, taking
a moment for his legs to stop shaking. He looked down at the leather
cover on
the bench. Most of it was darker brown than usual, soaked. There was a
dry
strip along one edge where Corey had held on. He picked it up by that
dry
place, fingered the leather one last time. Then he dropped it in the
trash. Its
value was gone now, ruined. Desecrated.
He pushed
the door open
and found Carla in the hall, looking worried.
“Daniel!
There you are.”
She hurried up to him and then paused, frowning. “Are you alright?”
Daniel
shrugged. He knew
his breathing was still audibly wheezy, his chest rattling ominously.
There was
no hiding the recent attack. “Had an asthma attack,” he said
dismissively. “I’m
fine now.”
She
nodded slowly. “Are
you sure?”
“Yeah.”
Daniel turned
toward the front doors, glad when she followed him without further
questions.
Carla was pretty nice, but he was very aware that this was her job.
Jack paid
her to pick him up and watch him in the afternoons. Just as the foster
system
paid Jack to feed and house him. Daniel doubted Carla would be here if
not for
the money, and he wasn’t entirely sure about Jack, either. Jack didn’t
seem to
worry about money much. Daniel thought maybe he was looking for a
replacement
for Charlie more than he wanted the state funding. Either way, Daniel
himself
was not the first priority, and that was fine. He understood that. He
was used
to it.
“Should I
call Jack?” she
asked as he climbed into the car. “Do you feel like you need to use the
nebulizer?”
“Please
don’t bother Jack,”
he replied immediately. “I’m fine. I can use the neb by myself if I
need to
later.”
She gave
him a confused
look. “I know. I can help you if you want. I just thought maybe you
wanted
Jack.”
Daniel
shook his head. He
wouldn’t bother Jack. He would be very good, and maybe, if he was
lucky, Jack
wouldn’t make him go to school there anymore. He considered asking Jack
if he
could switch to another place, but sighed, discarding the idea. It
wouldn’t
matter where he was. They were all the same underneath, full of kids he
didn’t
understand, who played by some rules that had never been explained to
him. Kids
who pushed him, who laughed, who took his things, his precious things
and tore
them...
Closing
his eyes, Daniel
hugged his backpack tight to his chest and took a deep breath. He
wasn’t
thinking about it. It was fine. He would be just fine as long as he
didn’t
think about it.
Daniel
went straight to
his room when they got back to Jack’s house. Once behind his closed
door, he
let himself sink to the floor, his back to the wall and his eyes
closed. He
could feel his eyes stinging and he rubbed them, swallowing. He was
fine. Not
thinking about it.
He just
needed to calm
down. To distract himself. Maybe he could practice languages again. The
translation process was soothing and familiar. He could pick a word at
random
out of a book and then translate it into as many languages as he could
think
of. It was a common exercise for him, a challenge and a hobby, of
sorts. He
would copy it all down in his...
Journal.
Right. Okay,
notebook this time. Not thinking about it.
Daniel
nodded to himself
and got up, going to his desk and pulling his school notebook from his
backpack. He flipped the pages slowly for a while, looking at fractions
and
ridiculously easy reading assignments and history notes that didn’t
deserve the
name. He shut the notebook abruptly, shoving it back into his bag. It
was part
of another world, part of After. He would not put his languages into
those mass
produced blue lined pages. After would not be allowed to corrupt Before.
Standing,
he began to
pace, tugging fretfully at his shirt, twisting the material between his
fingers. He glanced into his closet as he walked by, and then slowed,
backing
up slightly. It wasn’t all gone, after all. He still had some things,
precious
things.
Daniel
dropped to his
knees in the closet and dug through a pile of winter clothes that Jack
had
already bought him. At the bottom, pushed into the darkest corner, was
his shoe
box. He pulled it out and scooted until he was tucked into the corner,
the hems
of shirts hung above touching his hair, sleeves dangling in front of
his eyes.
He brushed them aside and carefully, reverently, removed the lid.
There on
top, the picture
of him, his mom and his dad in Cairo.
The
bright sun cast his own face into shadow, his parents shielding him
from
it, but their faces were clear. He was leaning against his father, who
had his
arms around Daniel’s chest, holding him snugly. Daniel, sitting in the
closet
and looking, brought his own arms up, squeezing as hard as he could.
Sometimes
he could pretend.
His
mother was smiling,
her hair covered with a bandanna and her shirt streaked with dirt.
Daniel
himself was covered with sand, sticking to his loose cotton pants and
bare
chest. He was brown with the sun, his hair bright blonde and hanging
over his
forehead. He’d been seven in that picture.
“So
lucky,” Daniel
whispered, pressing his thumb to his own image. “And you didn’t even
know.”
But it
was better, he
thought. Better that he hadn’t known. Maybe he would have appreciated
what he
had more, but he would have lost that surety of happiness, the peace
that he
remembered with such longing.
Daniel
shifted his thumb
to his father, tracing the line of his shoulders, remembering what it
was like
to ride on them, above the world. How strong he had been, how seemingly
infallible. The patience he’d had to teach Daniel everything, how to
uncover an
artifact and to translate hieroglyphs and to write so many languages.
He
thought of his father’s hand, guiding his own in his journal, and his
throat
threatened to close up again.
“Sorry,”
he murmured. “I
lost what you gave me. So sorry, dad. I should have taken better care
of it.
Should never have...” He closed his eyes, shaking his head. He felt
moisture on
his cheeks and he brushed it away hard. He would not be sad. His mom
and dad
never wanted him to be sad. He could be strong for them.
“I’m
okay,” he told them,
imagining that his mother’s smile got a little wider. The way she’d
always
looked at him, with pride and approval and rich fondness. His father
had told
him to be strong and brave, but his mother had always said it was
alright to be
afraid sometimes. From her, he remembered softness. Indulgence.
Daniel
took a deep breath
and replaced the picture, then closed the lid firmly. He couldn’t
afford
softness anymore. He put the box back in its place and covered it with
a neat
stack of winter coats, long underwear, and woolen socks and mittens.
Then he
crawled out of
the closet and stood, straightening his back, making himself tall. He
was a big
boy now. He could handle this.
His gaze
fell on his bed,
neatly made, because Jack liked that sort of thing. He decided that
even big
boys needed a little help now and then, and he picked up his pillow.
Reaching
inside the pillowcase, he pulled out a scrap of blue silk and rubbed it
on his
cheek. The pressure in his chest eased at the familiar touch, and he
closed his
eyes for a moment, sighing. Opening them again was hard, and he cast
another
long look at the bed. Maybe he could lie down. Just for a little while.
It
wasn’t as if he had anything else to do, after all.
Toeing
off his shoes,
Daniel sprawled on the bed. He brought the spare pillow to his chest,
curling
around it, and kept the bit of blue blanket close to his face, where he
could
feel it. He would rest a little, and then be recovered from his asthma
attack
and calm for when Jack got home. He’d never suspect a thing.
Daniel
woke to a warm,
wide hand on his back, and for a moment, with the familiar touch of his
blanket
on his cheek and his dreams of Egypt,
he almost thought it was his father waking him. But when he opened his
eyes, it
was only Jack, who was kind and strong, but not the same. Not the same
at all.
He
quickly stuffed the
scrap of blanket back into his pillowcase, hoping Jack hadn’t noticed
it.
Sitting up, Daniel blinked blearily, wondering where his glasses had
gone.
Hadn’t he been wearing them?
“Here,”
Jack said,
holding them out. “I think they fell off.”
“Oh.”
Daniel nodded and
took them, quickly slipping them on his face. He always felt naked
without his
glasses, vulnerable and half-blind. “Thanks.”
“How’re
you doing?”
“Fine.”
Daniel gave Jack
his best smile.
“Hmm.”
Jack tilted his
head to one side, and then his hand rested on Daniel’s chest, a warm
weight. “I
heard you had an asthma attack.”
Daniel
shrugged. “I used
my inhaler. I’m okay now.”
“Yeah?”
Jack asked. He
was watching Daniel’s face carefully, and Daniel could tell he didn’t
like what
he saw. He tried on another smile, but couldn’t maintain it for long.
“Isn’t it
time for
dinner?” Daniel asked, edging away. Jack was too close, and entirely
too
inviting. If Daniel didn’t watch himself, he’d fall into temptation and
crumble, wanting Jack to catch him. He knew he cried too much. Normal
boys didn’t
cry all the time. Jack was probably getting tired of him being upset
and sad.
“You
hungry?”
Not
really. “Sure,”
Daniel said. He hopped off the bed and went to the door, his legs still
feeling
thick and heavy from his unexpected afternoon nap. He paused, looking
back at
Jack, who was still sitting on the edge of his bed and frowning. “Jack?”
“Are you
sure you’re
okay?”
Daniel
felt a sudden rush
of stinging pressure well up in his throat and he closed his eyes,
swallowing
hard. Why did Jack have to sound that way? So concerned, so puzzled. So
worried
for him. Why couldn’t he just buy the act and let it go?
“Daniel?”
When he
opened his eyes,
Jack was crouching in front of him. A large hand landed on his shoulder
and
squeezed gently, the thumb rubbing his collarbone. “Don’t,” Daniel
said,
pulling away. He backed into the hall, watching Jack warily. “I’m fine.
Please,
just... don’t.”
“Hey,”
Jack protested
softly. “Easy.” He took a step closer, and Daniel stepped back,
maintaining his
distance.
“Sorry,”
Daniel murmured.
“I’m fine. Please don’t worry.”
“Daniel,
what happened?
Did someone hurt you?” And now Jack looked not just worried, but angry.
Daniel
took another step back and jumped when he hit the wall.
“No. I’m
really fine.
Nothing happened.”
Jack
paused, standing in
the doorway to his room, watching him as he pressed himself against the
opposite wall. He seemed to deflate, his shoulders slumping, looking
tired
and... disappointed? Daniel winced, biting his lip. What had he done
now?
“That’s
okay,” Jack told
him. “You don’t have to tell me now. We can talk when you’re ready.”
Daniel
stared at him,
frowning. That should be good news. Jack was going to let it go. He
should be
happy.
“Okay,”
Daniel said
slowly. He hesitated for a long moment, and then turned to go down the
stairs.
It was dinnertime, after all. He should go eat dinner. That was the
normal
thing. He would make himself swallow whatever they were having, and he
would
smile at Jack’s jokes, and Jack would think he was fine. Which was what
he wanted.
Yeah.
“Hey.”
Jack caught his
shoulder, turning him back. “C’mere.” He knelt on the hall floor and
tugged
Daniel close, giving him a loose hug. “I wish you would talk to me,”
Jack said.
Daniel
closed his eyes.
His hands came up and curled in Jack’s shirt, fisting the material
tightly, and
he slowly lowered his head until his chin touched Jack’s shoulder. He
took a
deep breath, and it was the scent that undid him. Not the desert, not
his
mother’s water lilies, not sand or spices, but Jack’s smell, which was
somehow
familiar and safe anyway. The green soap he used and the leftover tang
of
aftershave and something dark and rich that made him think of the oil
his
father had used to protect their delicate digging tools from the harsh
sand.
Daniel
stood very still,
breathing hard, aware of Jack’s hands on his back, stroking him. Jack
was
murmuring something, and rocking them a little, and still, the only
places
Daniel was touching him were his hands in Jack’s shirt and his chin on
that
broad shoulder. He allowed his knees to buckle, and Jack caught him, as
he’d
expected. That was better, pressed against his chest, his face lower
now,
hidden in Jack’s neck.
“Don’t
make me go back,”
Daniel whispered. He tugged hard on Jack’s shirt, feeling his arms
trembling at
the effort. “Don’t make me. Please.”
“Go back
where?”
Daniel
drew in a deep
breath, feeling it trying to hitch in his chest, and then he sagged,
letting it
out in a rush. “School. They hate me there, and I hate them too, they
all laugh
at me and Mr. Reynolds wants me to do assignments that I don’t need to
do and I
already know all the stuff they’re doing and Corey, he... he found me
after
school and him and Jason and Ryan, they took my journal and he... he
ripped it,
Jack! He ripped it and he took all the pages and he flushed them and
they’re
gone! He ruined it and it was mine and now it’s gone and I’ll never get
it back
and they were laughing like they always do and I can’t... I can’t.
Please don’t
make me go back there, I can’t...”
“Okay,
okay... easy...”
Jack made shushing noises, one hand stealing up his back to thread
through his
hair. “I’ll get you another journal, alright?”
“No!”
Daniel shoved back
abruptly, glaring at Jack, fiercely biting back his sobs. “You can’t
just... it
was from Before!”
Jack
blinked at him, his
mouth slightly open, his head shaking. “Before? I don’t...” He drew in
a sudden
breath, and his eyes turned impossibly sad. “Oh, Daniel. You had it in Egypt?
Is that
what before means?”
Daniel
folded his arms
and nodded, gritting his teeth, his chin jutting out. He sniffed and
then
shuffled forward a little, hoping Jack would pull him close again. But
Jack
stood up, groaning and rubbing his knees. “Come on,” he said, waving
Daniel
toward the stairs. “Let’s talk somewhere more comfortable.”
Daniel
trailed him down
the stairs, wiping his face on his sleeves, ashamed that he couldn’t
seem to
stop sniffling. Jack eased himself onto the couch and put his feet up
on the
coffee table. Daniel stood, shifting his weight from side to side. He
gave Jack
a hopeful look from under his eyelashes, and then winced when he
realized Jack
looked sad again. Was it because he was crying again? He was really
trying to
stop, but it was hard sometimes, once he got going. That’s why it was
better
not to start in the first place.
“Sit with
me?” Jack
asked, lifting one arm and indicating the place by his side.
Nodding
rapidly, Daniel
tucked himself into the spot, glad when Jack pulled him tight against
his
chest. He couldn’t ask for that sort of thing, but as long as Jack
wanted to do
it, it was okay to let him. Because it made Jack happy.
“I’m
sorry this
happened,” Jack said quietly, his fingers threading through Daniel’s
hair
again. “I know that journal meant a lot to you.”
Daniel
nodded, squeezing
his eyes tightly shut. He’d just been getting a handle on this, and
then Jack
had gone and set him off again. “In the front pages, my dad was showing
me how
to write other languages,” he whispered. “I remember. And the paper
always
smelled like the desert. Even if...” He shrugged, dropping his head.
“Even if
it really didn’t.”
Jack was
quiet for a long
time, idly stroking his back. “I had a shirt,” he said eventually. “One
of
Charlie’s shirts. He’d worn it, and it hadn’t been washed yet when
he...” Jack
swallowed and Daniel felt the arms around him go very tight for a
moment. “For
a long time, I kept it in my dresser, and when no one was looking, I’d
pull it
out and...”
“And
remember?”
“Yeah.”
Jack kissed the
top of his head, lingering there for a long moment, breathing him in.
“And then
one day it was gone. Sara had gone through, cleaning, and she’d put it
with all
the other things to give to the Goodwill people. I think she just
thought it
was in there by mistake. She didn’t know it was... important.”
“You
didn’t tell her?” Daniel
asked, turning his face up toward Jack. He was startled to see Jack’s
eyes
shimmering, and he looked down fast. Jack probably wouldn’t want him to
see
that. Had he done that, made Jack sad?
“We
weren’t really
talking then.” Jack gave a short huff of laughter, shaking his head. “I
should
have told her. If she’d seen that I was...” He looked at Daniel with a
small,
rueful smile. “Never mind. Too late now. But I know how you feel,
losing that
journal. And I’m glad you told me.”
Daniel
nodded. “I’m
sorry,” he said.
“Why?”
“You
don’t like to talk
about this stuff.”
Jack
snorted. “You got
that right. Talking is not my long suit. But it’s okay, Danny.
Sometimes it’s
good.”
Daniel
thought about that
for a while. He did feel better now, although that might just be from
Jack
holding him, which always helped. And Jack had looked sad, but he
seemed okay
now, smiling a little, his cheek resting on Daniel’s hair. Maybe he
could try
talking sometimes. If he really needed to.
“Jack?”
“Hmm?”
Taking a
deep breath,
Daniel blurted, “Please don’t make me go there any more.”
Jack
tilted his head,
frowning down at him. “I know you had a bad day, kiddo, and believe me,
those
boys’ parents will be hearing from me--”
“No!”
Daniel interrupted.
“I mean... don’t do that. Please. They’ll be so mad, and it’ll only get
worse.”
“You
really hate it
there?”
Daniel
nodded seriously.
“It’s not just today, Jack. It’s every day. I know you wanted me to be
in the
class with all the normal kids, but I can’t... I’m sorry. I just don’t
know how
to be normal.”
Jack
shook his head,
sighing. “Oh, Daniel, I’m sorry. I never meant for you to think...
look, you
don’t have to change who you are, okay? I like who you are.”
Closing
his eyes, Daniel
pressed against Jack’s side, surprised at just how much he’d needed to
hear
that. “Even though I’m not Charlie?”
“Even
though,” Jack
replied gravely. “Hey... did I tell you about the idea Major Carter
had?”
“No...”
Daniel looked up
at him, blinking curiously. “What idea?”
“She’s
really smart, you
know. Kinda like you. So she understands about being the smartest kid
in
class.” Jack gave him a wry grin. “Something I’m not particularly
familiar
with. Anyway, she said I should send you to a school for gifted kids.”
Daniel
wrinkled his nose.
“Gifted?”
“It means
smart.”
“Oh.” He
considered that,
frowning. “Why don’t they just say smart?”
Jack
chuckled, ruffling
his hair. “Good question. Maybe gifted sounds better. Would you like to
try
that out?”
Daniel
nodded
immediately. Any place that didn’t have Corey and his friends would be
an
improvement. He doubted the kids in the gifted school would like him
any better
than the ones in the normal school, but maybe the class work would at
least be
more interesting. “That would be so good, Jack. Thank you.”
“Okay.
But I can’t keep hopping
you to different schools, so I want you to try hard to like the new
one,
alright?”
“I will,”
Daniel
promised. He always tried his best. It was just that usually, his best
wasn’t
good enough. “Can I go there right away?”
“Well, I
have to get you
enrolled first, buddy. It doesn’t just happen overnight.”
“Oh.”
Daniel fisted his
hands in Jack’s shirt again, rubbing his cheek absently on the soft
material.
“Daniel?”
“How long
will I have to
stay at the regular school?”
Jack
sighed, rubbing his
shoulders a little. “You really don’t want to go back there, do you?”
Daniel
shook his head,
lifting his shoulder toward Jack’s hand when it pulled back. The
rubbing
started again and he wriggled, leaning into it.
“Well...
okay, tell you
what. I’ll pull you from your school, and you can stay home during the
day with
Carla until I get you enrolled in the gifted school.”
“Really?”
At Jack’s nod,
Daniel beamed, bouncing on the couch and giving Jack a quick, gleeful
squeeze.
“Thank you, thank you, that’s so great Jack thank you! I’ll be really
good for
Carla and I’ll help clean the house up and I swear I’ll try hard in the
new
school and... and...”
“Slow
down before you
hurt yourself,” Jack said, laughing. “And you’re welcome.”
Daniel
grinned at him,
and then wiggled away, running into the kitchen. “Jack, the phone’s in
here!”
Jack
raised one eyebrow.
“And?”
Daniel
stood in the
kitchen doorway, holding the phone handset and looking at him
expectantly.
“Don’t you need to call and tell them I won’t be there tomorrow?”
“It’s
after six, buddy.
Nobody’s there. I’ll call in the morning, okay?”
Daniel
eyed the phone
dubiously but hung it up. “Okay.” He glanced toward the oven, realizing
the
light was on inside and the kitchen smelled richly of roasting chicken.
“Hey, I
think dinner might be ready.”
“Hmm.”
Jack sauntered
into the kitchen, nudging Daniel’s shoulder with his hip as he walked
past. “Ya
think? Feel like eating?”
“Yeah,”
Daniel said,
already pulling plates from their new home in a lower cupboard to set
the
table. The pressure in his chest was gone completely now, and his
stomach was
growling hungrily. He never ate much at school.
Jack
pulled the chicken
from the oven and poked it a little, smiling when it oozed juices.
“Looks like
we managed to avoid overcooking it. Grab the milk, okay?”
Daniel
nodded and poured
the milk, carefully supporting the heavy jug in both hands. Jack took
it from
him and put it away again when he was done, then caught his shoulder
when he
went to sit down.
“Hey,”
Jack said,
crouching to meet his eyes. “I know it’s not the same, but I’d still
like to
get you another journal. Would that be okay?”
Daniel
thought for a long
moment, and then nodded slowly. “I can start a new one.”
“Yeah,”
Jack murmured,
squeezing him a little. “Starting new is good.”
“Alright,
Danny, find a
study group and join right in.”
Daniel
grimaced slightly
at the use of the nickname, but decided not to correct his teacher. He
had
promised Jack he’d be on his best behavior in his new school. It was
supposed
to be for gifted students, which Daniel thought was kind of a funny
term.
Gifted. As far as he knew, being smart meant being a target for kids
who
weren’t, and that was hardly a gift.
“Okay,”
he said quietly,
flashing a polite little smile at Mrs. Carlisle. “Um... which one?”
Looking
up distractedly
from the stack of papers she was grading, Mrs. Carlisle waved at the
room in
general. “It doesn’t matter. Any one. They’ll be able to catch you up
on
today’s assignment.”
“Oh.”
Daniel frowned and
took a deep breath, surveying the room.
It didn’t
look like a
typical classroom. There were no individual desks, but instead small,
round
tables haphazardly scattered around. From the tour of the school he and
Jack
had gone on earlier, he knew this was a “study room,” one of many where
the students
could work together in small groups, or individually on their own
projects.
Rather than remain in one room all day, his class would move around
depending
on what their current subject was. They’d started the day in a home
room, where
they were told what the day plan was, and then everyone had come here.
The plan
had indicated
math would be their first subject of the day, and Daniel had to admit
the room
certainly had a math theme. Graph paper, rulers and protractors were
available
at each table. Bookshelves lined the walls, and he could see titles
with words
like algebra, geometry, statistics, trigonometry. He liked the words
themselves, the Latin roots, the suffixes, the elegant stretch of
syllables.
The numbers, however, were not so friendly.
But then,
the room wasn’t
particularly friendly either. Each table had four chairs, and each one
was
either completely empty or completely full. Daniel supposed he could
add a
chair from an empty table, but no one was giving him particularly
welcoming
looks, and he wasn’t sure what would happen if he tried to intrude.
What if
four was the maximum number in a group? What if there was no space for
him?
Would he have to sit alone?
Daniel
could do that, he
could do the work alone, except this work was a bit baffling to him. If
it had
been English or History, he’d simply form his own group. But this, with
the
strange proliferation of letters mixed with numbers, of x equals y and
so
forth, this was over his head. He could grasp it, probably, hopefully,
but not
without help.
Clutching
his notebook to
his chest, Daniel began to slide between the tables, casting vaguely
hopeful
looks at some of the students. Most deliberately ignored him. Some
shook their
heads subtly. A few looked curious, or at least not openly hostile, but
their
tables were full, and Daniel couldn’t quite bring himself to push his
way in.
He kept going, turning around to walk backward, still looking across
the room
as if he had somewhere to go. As if he wasn’t lost.
His back
hit a bookshelf
unexpectedly and he jumped away, startled. A low titter of laughter ran
through
the class. Daniel ducked his head, feeling his face heat up, his ears
burning.
“Danny?”
the teacher
called, frowning. “Do you need some help?”
“No,” he
replied
immediately. That was the last thing he needed, for her to force some
group to
take him. He wouldn’t go where he wasn’t wanted. “I’m, uh... I’m just
looking
for a book.” He swept his glance over the bookshelf beside him to lend
credence
to his words.
She
looked unconvinced,
but nodded anyway. “All right. Find your book and sit down.”
Daniel
nodded rapidly,
pretended to search the bookshelf for about five seconds, and then
pulled a
book out at random. He looked down at the title--Calculus, more Latin,
but
definitely way over his head--and then flicked his eyes around the room
again.
He decided to just take an empty table. Maybe Jack would help him with
the math
after school.
There was
a table
half-hidden by a bookshelf in the back corner, and he could see two
empty
chairs. He headed toward it, then stopped short when he cleared the
bookshelf
and found the table occupied by one other boy. The boy raised his head
slowly
and narrowed his eyes, watching Daniel with palpable suspicion. Daniel
swallowed, raising the thick calculus book slightly, like a shield.
Glancing
over his
shoulder, Daniel saw the teacher watching him again. In fact, most of
the class
was watching him. As he stood there, hesitating, two girls put their
heads
together and murmured something, and then giggled softly. Daniel
hunched his
shoulders and shot forward, dropping into the seat across from the boy.
If he
had to, he’d move later. At least sitting down would make everyone stop
staring
at him.
Daniel
kept his head down
until the sensation of being watched stopped prickling the back of his
neck.
Then he raised his eyes, smiling nervously at the other boy. He was
much bigger
up close, with heavy, meaty arms, a thick neck, and round, pudgy
cheeks. He had
close cropped reddish hair, flat on top in a crew cut, and wide
shoulders. His
hands, lying on the table, looked twice the size of Daniel’s.
Daniel
swallowed again.
Why hadn’t he just taken one of the empty tables? Why had he lingered?
Now he
was stuck with the biggest, and probably meanest kid in class. Why else
would
he be sitting all alone, half hidden in the back of the room? Daniel
fumbled in
his pocket and grabbed his inhaler, taking a quick breath of the
medicinal mist
even though his chest only felt a little tight. The last thing he
needed was an
asthma attack.
The boy
kept staring at
him, and Daniel noticed a sheet of notebook paper beside one thick
forearm,
covered in neatly written math problems. The boy had already completed
the
assignment in the time it had taken Daniel to find a seat.
“You’re
done?” Daniel
blurted in surprise.
The boy
blinked, and then
frowned down at his work. “Yeah. I’m good at math.” His eyes found
Daniel
again, and Daniel’s breathing eased a little when he saw his own
uncertainty
reflected back at him. This boy didn’t have the swaggering bravado of a
bully.
For all his size, he held himself as low as possible, his shoulders
hunched and
his arms tucked in close. He was watching Daniel with the same wariness
that
Daniel himself felt.
“Oh.
Um... I’m not.”
The boy
shifted uneasily.
“I, ah... I’m not supposed to let people copy.”
Daniel
stared, and then
shook his head. “No, no, I wasn’t asking. I was just...” He trailed
off,
shrugging.
“Usually,
if someone sits
with me, they want to copy,” the boy explained.
“Oh.”
That was something
he could understand all too well, actually. Daniel frowned, looking
down, and
realized he was still holding the calculus book. He set it on the table
beside
his notebook.
“We’re
not doing
calculus.”
“I know,”
Daniel replied.
“I just thought it looked interesting.”
The boy
raised a
skeptical eyebrow. “Calculus is pretty hard.”
“So is
that,” Daniel
said, pointing to the completed sheet next to the boy.
“This?
Nah.” He shook his
head. “This is just pre-algebra. Factoring quadratic equations. It’s
actually
easy once you get the knack.”
Quadratic,
Daniel’s mind
supplied. Quad being the root word, with a modifier meaning pertaining
to. Of,
relating to, or containing quantities of the second degree or
resembling a
square. He could define the word, but he still didn’t know what it
meant.
“Do you
think you could
show me?” Daniel asked, edging a little closer.
The boy
shrugged. “Sure,
if you want.” Then his eyes narrowed again. “But I’m still not letting
you
copy.”
“I
won’t,” Daniel assured
him. “Um, I’m Daniel.”
“Oh. I’m Dudley.”
“Anglo-saxon,
meaning
from the meadow,” Daniel responded, and then winced. Why did he always
say
things like that when he was nervous? Like this kid really cared what
his name
meant.
Dudley was frowning
prodigiously.
“What?”
Daniel
shook his head.
“Nothing. It’s what your name means... I was just... sorry. I say dumb
things
sometimes.”
“It’s
okay.” Dudley said. “Is that your
thing?”
“Thing?”
“Yeah,
the thing you’re
good at. Like I’m good at math and probabilities and stuff like that. I
really
like geometry though, that’s my favorite, because the symmetry of it is
really
amazing when you break down the basic rules. Something as simple as a
perfect
circle has so many amazing properties and no matter how big it is or
how small,
the relationships between the diameter and circumference are always the
same,
and did you know that pi is a never ending number? They’ve calculated
it to
thousands of decimal places and you can never reach the end just like
you can
never reach the end of a circle which is kind of--” Dudley cut himself
off
abruptly, then ducked his head. “Uh... never mind. You probably don’t
care,
huh?”
Daniel
began to smile.
“Actually, that sounds pretty interesting. Did you know that several
thousand
years ago, there was a pharaoh who wanted a great mural painted in his
court?
All these artists came to him and tried to get the job, showing him
their work
and drawing beautiful pictures for him, but one man didn’t do that. He
came
forward with nothing but a single piece of charcoal and a sheet of
papyrus, and
he drew a perfect circle, freehand. The pharaoh said he didn’t want
false
grandeur, but simple perfection, and the man got the job.”
Dudley was gaping at him, and
then he,
too, started to smile. “That’s cool. See, that’s why math is so great.
Everyone
understands numbers, no matter where they’re from. It’s like a
universal
language.”
“I like
languages,”
Daniel replied eagerly. “I guess that’s my thing, languages and
history.”
Dudley nodded, and his eyes
darted to
his math paper and back to Daniel. “I’m not so great at history.
Maybe... I
could help you with math, and you could help me with history?”
Daniel
got up and
switched to the chair closest to Dudley,
sliding
it over until they could both read from the math workbook. “You’ve got
a deal. Now how does this work?”
“It’s
really quite
simple,” Dudley began. And it was.
They had
English next, in
a different study room that reminded Daniel of a library, rich with
bookshelves, comfortable chairs, thick ornate rugs and the pervading
scent of
binding glue and old paper.
The
current assignment
was to spend the hour reading Huckleberry Finn, a book Daniel had read
for
himself a year ago. According to the teacher, they were in the middle
of a Mark
Twain unit, and had two weeks to finish this story and write a five
page report
on it before going to the next. Daniel figured he could do that easily,
and he
spent the hour sitting with Dudley,
explaining
some of the period language used in the book to him in a low voice.
After
that, they had
morning break, which was, according to Dudley,
a
way to give sixth graders recess without calling it that. He, like
Daniel,
had been skipped ahead. He had only turned eleven in September. Most of
the
kids in the class were twelve, but Dudley
was
still by far the biggest, so the age difference wasn’t as obvious as it
was
with Daniel.
Morning
break came
complete with a trip to the cafeteria, where they could buy a small
snack if
they so chose. Daniel had been too nervous to eat breakfast that
morning and
got in the food line eagerly, his eyes on the chocolate chip muffins. Dudley got in line beside him, still talking
about why
calling the year 2000 the millennium was actually incorrect, because
the new
millennium hadn’t started until 2001. Daniel was nodding, already
formulating
his response involving the basis of the current calendar with the
Christian
religion, when someone shoved Dudley
hard,
knocking him into Daniel, who stumbled forward and hit his hip on the
food
counter.
“Move
over, fat ass,” a
boy said in a loud, sneering voice. Laughter rang out in the cafeteria,
echoing
off the high walls.
Dudley’s naturally pink
complexion
flushed to a deep red, and he ducked his head, cutting off his calendar
diatribe mid-word. Daniel rubbed his stinging hip and looked behind him.
A tall
boy with straight,
sleek black hair, expensive designer jeans and a cold, mocking smile
walked
past Dudley, elbowing him aside.
“Come on
guys, get in line before the fat ass gets all the food.”
Even with
his head down
and his back slumped, Dudley was
taller than
the laughing boy. Daniel frowned, edging aside uneasily, not wanting to
make
himself a target. He was pushed along with Dudley
as three of the boy’s friends cut in front of them. Daniel looked at
the
serving lady behind the counter for help, and got only a tired,
slightly guilty
look and a shrug. Apparently, this was not the first time this had
happened.
Dudley was retreating,
backing away from
the food line altogether, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets.
Daniel was
pushed aside again as the tall boy walked past him. On an impulse he
couldn’t
really explain, Daniel stuck his foot out, tripping the boy and sending
him
sprawling.
“Nice,”
he called out
loudly, causing Dudley to turn and
stare.
“Walk much?”
One of
the boy’s friends
laughed, and then cut himself off sharply when the boy shot to his
feet,
glaring. “Sorry, Rob,” he muttered.
“You’re
so gonna get it
now,” the boy, who was apparently called Rob, growled, advancing on
Daniel.
Daniel
leaned casually
against the counter, crossed his arms, and raised one eyebrow. “Oh? Let
me
guess. You’re going to beat up the smallest kid in class. Wow. I’m
impressed.”
More snickers sounded behind Rob and he whirled, his fists clenched. No
one
would meet his eyes. Daniel watched, forcing his face to remain casual,
inwardly wondering what the hell he was doing. Why hadn’t he just kept
quiet?
It was his first day, and already he was making enemies? What was he
thinking?
Daniel felt his throat get tight and he willed himself to breathe. This
was
absolutely the wrong time to panic.
Rob took
another step
closer, looming over Daniel, standing at least a head taller, his mouth
set in
a hard red line, two patches of color high on his cheeks.
“No, no,
let me make it
easier for you,” Daniel said. He pulled his glasses off and slipped
them into a
pocket, then squinted, exaggerating his poor vision. “Now I can’t even
see you
coming. Think you feel brave enough to take me? Or should I put my
hands behind
my back? Maybe then you’ll feel safe picking on someone so much
smaller.”
Daniel
couldn’t see the
expressions around him, but Rob was close enough for him to make out
the
confusion, the uncertainty. The boy kept looking around, shifting
uneasily from
one foot to the other. Daniel realized he was holding his breath and
forced himself
to breathe normally. If this worked, he would have won a rare victory.
But if
it didn’t work, he was going to be pulped.
A voice
came from behind
Rob, and Daniel assumed it was one of his cronies. “Man, forget him,
he’s just
a baby.”
“Yeah,”
Rob said slowly.
“Forget it. I don’t need to waste my time.”
“Sure,”
Daniel agreed,
sugary sweet. “That’s okay. I understand. I’m sure no one thinks you
can’t
handle a little geek with glasses. No, you’re just a busy guy. Right.”
Crap.
Daniel closed his
eyes for a moment. Why couldn’t he just shut his big mouth? The boy had
been
about to back off. Why couldn’t he leave well enough alone?
There was
more laughter,
and Rob spun, his hands on his hips. “You all shut up!”
“Not so
fun on the
receiving end, is it?” Daniel taunted.
Rob moved
close, leaning
down, putting his face within inches of Daniel’s. “You’re so dead, and
you
don’t even know it.”
“Oh, say
it louder,”
Daniel shot back, raising his voice. “Did everyone catch that? He says
he’s
going to beat me up later, when no one can see him. Because he’s just
so big
and strong. He can beat the little kid. Wow. That’s just... brave.” He
affected
an awestruck voice, widening his eyes. “What are you going to do next?
Go push
over some kindergartners? Maybe kick a few dogs? What, you never heard
of
picking on someone your own size?”
There was
more derisive
laughter, coming from all around them, and Rob lunged forward, grabbing
Daniel’s shirt in one hand.
“Here we
go,” Daniel
called loudly. His mouth had completely gone off on its own. Somewhere
in the
back of his head, in the calm place that wasn’t flooded with the sound
of his
pounding heartbeat and the white noise of adrenalin, he wondered if
he’d
somehow lost his mind. “He’s got to lift me up first, so he can hit me.
Everyone
look at the big, strong kid, about to beat the little boy who can’t
even see
him. Everyone take a good, long look.”
“Put him
down, Rob,”
another kid called from the side. “Pushing the fat ass around is one
thing, but
this is just... he can’t even fight back.”
“Yeah,
come on, that
isn’t fair,” someone else said.
The hand
on his shirt
clenched tight for a moment, blazing eyes looking into his, and then
Daniel
felt a hard impact on his chest. He went down, landing on his butt and
staying
there, blinking myopically up at Rob. He could feel another smart
remark on the
tip of his tongue and he bit it hard, staying down. Daniel was good at
reading
people, and he was pretty sure if he said one more word, Rob was going
to
squash him, contempt of his friends or not.
“Later,”
Rob said
ominously, pointing down at him. Then he turned and stalked off, his
little
group following uncomfortably behind him.
Daniel
closed his eyes
and slumped against the side of the counter. He could hear the vaguely
worried
murmur of the other kids, and the ineffective admonition from the
serving lady
that there was no fighting allowed. Then a warm, heavy hand landed on
his
shoulder and he opened his eyes, looking into Dudley’s
shocked
face.
“Hey,”
Daniel muttered.
“That was fun.”
Dudley gave a startled little
gasp of
laughter and shook his head. “Fun? Are you nuts?”
“Probably.”
Daniel stood,
putting his glasses back on. He veered away from the food, which now
looked
rather nauseating, and sat at the nearest table. Then he took three
rapid shots
from his inhaler.
“You
okay?” Dudley asked, sitting beside
him.
“Sure.”
Daniel ran a hand
through his hair, and then gave Dudley
a
sideways smile. “Think he’ll kill me later?”
“Rob?” Dudley
looked in the direction he had gone, swallowing. “Yeah. He’s not just
talk. If
he was anyone else, he’d have been expelled already. But his dad is
really
rich, and he donates a lot of money to the school, so Rob gets away
with
stuff.”
Daniel
nodded, then
crossed his arms on the table and rested his head on them. His
breathing was
settling, but his heart was still racing, partly the scare and partly
the
asthma meds. He could feel all the big muscles in his legs trembling,
and his
stomach fluttered, trying to rise up his throat. “Great,” he muttered.
“Me and
my big mouth.”
Dudley was quiet for a long
moment.
“Even if he gets you later... that was so cool. I’ve never seen anyone
talk
back to Rob like that.”
“Why
don’t you?” Daniel
asked, lifting his head. “You’re bigger. You could get away with it.”
Shrugging,
Dudley dropped his eyes,
twisting thick fingers together.
“I dunno,” he mumbled. “I always thought he’d go away eventually if I
just
didn’t say anything.”
“It’s a
nice theory, but
bullies aren’t that easy.”
Dudley gave him a sidelong
look. “Do you
always talk back to them that way?”
“Nope.”
Daniel snorted
and shook his head. “Which is why I’m still walking and not eating
through a
straw. I can’t believe I just did that.”
“Me
neither. But, you
know... thanks.”
Daniel
grinned. “You want
to make it up to me? Come visit me in the hospital after Rob finishes
pounding
me into the parking lot.”
Dudley gave a thin, forced
little laugh,
and Daniel made himself smile, but it wasn’t funny. Not funny at all.
Daniel
and Dudley stuck
close together for the remainder of the morning, mostly because Daniel
had the
uneasy feeling there was a big, glowing target painted on his back. The
theory
of safety in numbers was old and comforting, but while Dudley
was reassuringly big, he didn’t seem all that confident in himself.
Daniel
would have loved a little back up from Teal’c. He bet Rob would take
one look
at Teal’c and run the other way.
Dudley was growing on him
very fast. His
heavy, ponderous gait and thick, fumbling fingers tended to make most
people
overlook what was an amazingly quick and agile mind. Dudley
could listen to one of his historical babbles and, if not entirely
comprehend
everything, he could at least grasp the concept and come back with
ideas and
thoughts of his own, with a more rational, numerical spin.
Jack had
told Daniel a
few battle stories, seeming to enjoy the wide-eyed gasps and edge of
his seat
attention that the more suspenseful tales had elicited. He’d also
explained how
being in a battle together, fighting for your life beside someone, and
having
to rely on them to cover your back created fast, strong bonds that
people who
weren’t soldiers didn’t fully understand. Daniel thought some of that
warrior
bond thing was going on with he and Dudley, because they were
constantly on
guard against Rob and his minions.
If he
wasn’t so nervous,
Daniel thought it would have actually been pretty cool. He and Dudley
even
slunk around the soccer field together during gym, back to back, Daniel
repeating the terms that he’d heard Jack use such as securing the
perimeter and
viable line of defense. It was turning into a slightly dark game, fun
with an
unpleasant tinge of not-really-playing.
They
anticipated some
kind of ambush after school, in that vulnerable time waiting at the
curb for
their rides. They planned accordingly, putting their heads together
with their
backs to the building, scanning the field regularly. The gym class was
just
before lunch, and according to their teacher, it was a free activity
day, which
meant that some kids were walking idly around the track in little
clumps,
talking, a handful of others had organized a game of kickball, and a
smaller,
more intent group practiced passing a soccer ball. They could do
whatever they
wanted provided it looked like exercise.
“We’ll
wait until the
kids who ride the bus are already gone before we come out of the
school,”
Daniel said, speaking out of the corner of his mouth, his eyes never
leaving
the roving groups of possible enemies. He decided he liked pretending
to be
like Jack.
“I ride
the bus,” Dudley pointed out.
“Oh.”
Daniel scrunched
his face up, considering. “Maybe Jack will let you come home with me.”
“Who’s
Jack?”
Daniel
shrugged. “He’s
the guy I live with. Um... actually, that might be a bad idea.
Sometimes he has
to work late and...” Daniel trailed off, waving a hand. He had no idea
how Jack
would react to a strange kid in his house. It was probably best not to
push his
luck, because so far, Jack seemed nice.
“You sure
you can’t walk
home?” Daniel asked.
Dudley shook his head. “I
don’t go home,
I go to after school care. My mom works evening shift and she won’t let
me stay
home alone. They’ll notice if I don’t show up.”
“Oh.”
Daniel frowned
again, tapping his fingertips against his chin.
“Sorry.”
“Not a
problem,” Daniel
replied easily. “We can work around it. Stay close to a teacher, talk
about,
you know, something to do with math, you’re good at that,” he tossed Dudley a grin, pleased with the way the other
boy seemed
to grow with his casual praise. “Then get on the bus at the last
possible
minute. Does Rob ride it too?”
“Nah,
somebody gives him
a ride home. One of his dad’s people.” Dudley
curled his lip as he spoke, and Daniel hunched his shoulders a little,
wondering if Carla was one of Jack’s “people.” She did work for him,
and he
supposed that meant she was, but it wasn’t like Jack was rich and
snotty or
anything.
Deciding
to leave the
subject of how he got to Jack’s place from school in case Dudley
found that distasteful as well, Daniel said, “Well, you should be fine,
then.
As long as we stay together and make sure a teacher can see us, Rob
shouldn’t
be able to do anything.”
“Sometimes
teachers don’t
do anything,” Dudley said quietly.
Daniel gave
him a sidelong look, but the other boy was staring moodily out at the
running,
laughing kids, who all fit into their gym uniform a great deal more
easily than
he did. Daniel supposed running was not a big part of Dudley’s
life. Or laughing.
Daniel
nodded and said
nothing. It was true that adults sometimes pretended not to see when
one kid
hurt another. Maybe they thought the kids could work it out on their
own, or
maybe they were under the mistaken impression that small people
couldn’t really
inflict pain. Sometimes Daniel thought that adults were not infallible
creatures, that maybe they were afraid to get involved. Maybe they
thought
their commands to stop would be ignored, and then what could they do?
In many
ways, they were powerless. Daniel had learned to depend on himself
first, and
adults when he had no other choice.
“We’ll be
alright,” he
murmured after a long moment.
Dudley nodded. Sure. They’d
be fine.
Daniel
brought his knees
to his chest and hugged them, sighing. Their little soldier game had
lost its
appeal. Games you couldn’t win weren’t much fun.
“Boys!
Why don’t I see
you exercising?” the gym teacher called over to them, hands on his hips.
Daniel
and Dudley
exchanged a long, put-upon look and rose to their feet. They were saved
from
actually joining the other kids when the bell rang, making Daniel jump.
He
still felt jittery and tense from his encounter with Rob and the little
shots
he’d been taking from his inhaler all day. He knew he wasn’t supposed
to use it
so much, but his chest kept threatening to tighten up on him, and he
really
didn’t want an asthma attack on his first day of school.
They went
into the locker
room with the other boys, a place that was unpleasant for both of them.
Showers
were thankfully not required, but they did have to change from the
generic blue
shorts and white tee shirts the school provided back into their normal
clothes.
That much
exposure was
hard for Dudley, who was obviously very conscious of the rolls of flab
around
his waist and the way his upper arms jiggled, judging by the way he
tried to
hide behind a row of lockers. Daniel, on the other hand, was very aware
that he
was the smallest boy there, pale and hairless, the two years between
his age
and theirs painfully obvious.
They were
both occupied
with changing as quickly as possible, Dudley
with his head down and his cheeks red, Daniel hunched over so his shirt
hung
down, covering as much as it could.
The
attack, when it came,
caught them completely unaware.
Daniel
was just pulling
up his jeans, relieved that the hardest part was now over and all he
had to do
was change his shirt when a low kick swept his feet out from under him,
throwing him against one of the low benches, its edge impacting his
ribs hard
enough to knock his breath out. He was still struggling to get some air
when
two hands wrapped around his upper arms with frightening strength,
hauling him
upright and pushing him against a row of lockers with a shuddering
clang.
“Hey!” he
heard Dudley say, his voice sounding
choked and uncertain.
“Don’t!”
“Shut up,
fat ass, or
you’re next,” someone snarled close to his face.
Daniel
blinked several
times, trying to reconcile the blur of movement and color in front of
him into
something recognizable. He pulled back, and the blur turned into a
close up of
Rob’s face, his eyes bright and excited, his lips skinned back from his
teeth
in a tight snarl. Daniel felt a rising sense of the surreal when he
realized
Rob’s teeth were perfect in a way that must have cost a great deal. He
was
about to be beaten bloody by a boy with expensive orthodontic work and
elegant,
intelligent features. Oh, and a neatly buttoned polo shirt with a
designer
label. How... absurd.
Knowing
it was suicide,
Daniel couldn’t stop himself from laughing anyway, the sound bubbling
up from
some hard, cold place inside that had weathered the death of his
parents, the
cruelties of the foster system, the uncertainty of his future. He was
supposed
to cower at this boy? This polished, pampered child who had never known
what
real pain was? It was preposterous. Ludicrous. So Daniel did the only
thing he
could--he laughed.
He had
time to see Rob’s
eyes widen in shock, in disbelief and confusion, then there was a blur
of dark
green lockers and gray concrete floor, and he hit the ground hard. He
threw his
hands out, trying too late to catch himself, and the impact jarred his
wrists,
sending a wave of shocking numbness all the way up to his shoulders,
followed
by low, burning pain. A sharp blow landed right in his belly, where he
was soft
and unprotected, and he curled around the place instinctively, bringing
his
arms up to protect his head.
Daniel
was dimly aware of
Rob grunting something low and menacing with every kick, and he was
still
thinking clearly enough to be glad the boy was wearing sneakers and not
boots.
He made himself a tight ball, and the kicks no longer hit his throbbing
stomach, which felt heavy and hot and swollen, but instead his ribs,
back, and
legs.
“Stop
it!” he heard Dudley yell, not in a
tiny, pinched voice this time, but
with real threat. The kicks paused for a moment, and then continued
with even
greater intensity.
“Or
what?” Rob scoffed,
breathless and gleeful. “Whatcha gonna do, fat ass? Make me?”
A
particularly hard shot
hit the base of Daniel’s ribs, not from the side, but from above. Rob
was
stomping on him now, and Daniel couldn’t help a low bleat from escaping
his
lips, a breathless little whimper of pain. He held his breath and
braced for
the next blow, but it never came. Instead, there was a low, furious
growl and
the sound of thudding feet, and the boy over him made a “whoof!” sound,
as if
the breath had been driven from him.
Daniel
felt a whoosh of
air as something hurtled past him, and then he just laid still for a
while,
grateful that the kicks had stopped and listening to muffled grunts
from
somewhere on his left. His curiosity soon overcame his unwillingness to
expose
his belly and he uncurled, sitting up and adjusting his glasses.
Miraculously,
they were unbroken.
Even more
miraculously, Dudley had Rob cornered
where two rows of lockers met and
was pounding him relentlessly with his ham fists, shrieking something
high and
unintelligible. Rob had his hands up in self defense, but was mostly
helpless,
his whole body rocking back and forth with the force of Dudley’s
strikes.
They were
in a secluded
section of the locker room--which had been their mistake in the first
place.
Wanting to avoid being seen as they changed, Daniel realized they’d set
themselves up as easy targets. The noise of the fight was now
attracting the
other boys, though, and Daniel could see a loose semi-circle formed at
the end
of the corridor between lockers, all staring wide-eyed at the fat kid
finally
fighting back. Several of Rob’s friends were in that group, but none
came
forward to defend him, and Daniel wasn’t surprised. Dudley
was scary in a way Rob had not been, scary because this wasn’t a game
to him,
this was something he’d held inside for a very long time.
Wincing
and gritting his
teeth, Daniel stood and walked tentatively up behind Dudley.
If he didn’t stop soon, he was going to go beyond hurting Rob. He was
going to
do something that meant Daniel would never see him again, and Daniel
wasn’t
prepared to give up his new friend. So he put a hand on Dudley’s
shoulder and spoke quietly in his ear.
“Dudley.
Stop.”
For a
moment nothing
happened, and then Dudley allowed his
grip on
Rob’s shirt to ease. Rob folded to the floor, moaning, and everyone
stared.
Then their eyes wheeled to Dudley, who was gaping at his shaking hands,
turning
them over and over in wonder, as if he didn’t recognize them.
“Daniel?”
he asked,
giving the smaller boy a pleading look. “What...?”
“It’s
okay. You got him,
it’s okay.” Daniel kept his voice low and soothing, and inwardly
wondered where
all his calm was coming from. He should be frightened, shaking, having
an
asthma attack, shouldn’t he? Instead he felt cold, numb, empty. His
ribs ached,
and his stomach continued to throb, but it was distant. Disconnected
from him
somehow.
“What’s
going on here?”
The boys
who had been
watching so avidly all scrambled to answer the gym teacher and make it
clear
they had not been involved in the fight. Fingers were pointed at Dudley first, at Daniel, and more than a few at
Rob.
Conflicting stories about who started it and why they were fighting
clambered
over each other, high, excited voices echoing off the concrete walls.
Daniel
sat down on a
bench, his arms wrapped tight around his sore spots, which were too
many to
count. His head was beginning to hurt as well, and the noise wasn’t
helping. He
felt a heavy hand on his shoulder and looked up. Dudley
was frowning down at him, his face still flushed, breathing hard, but
his eyes
soft and worried. Daniel noticed for the first time that they were a
rather
nice shade of hazel.
“Hey,” he
murmured,
giving Dudley a wan smile. “You
kicked his
ass, didn’t you?”
Dudley lifted one shoulder in
a half
shrug. “He was hurting you.”
“Yeah,”
Daniel nodded.
“Thanks.”
Dudley’s knees came unhinged
and he sat
heavily beside Daniel, his color fading, worrying at his lip. “I’ve
never done
that,” he whispered, seemingly to himself. “I’ve never... but he was
kicking
you and you looked so... I couldn’t just...” He shook his head, then
examined
his hands again, as if they might belong to someone else.
“All
right, that’s
enough!” the teacher shouted, his voice cutting through the excited
babble.
“You, you and you,” he pointed at Daniel, Dudley and Rob, who was
standing now,
looking both furious and humiliated, “come with me. The rest of you go
to
lunch.”
Daniel
felt the first
cold flutter of fear shoot through him, chasing away the echoing
numbness. He
stuck close to Dudley’s side as the
three boys
marched grimly to the principal’s office. They were going to call Jack.
Jack
was going to know he’d gotten in a fight. And he had no idea what Jack
would
do.
Dudley nudged him gently in
the side,
his eyes concerned when Daniel met them. “You okay?”
Daniel
swallowed, hunched
his shoulders, and shook his head. He wasn’t okay.
“I
expected better from
you.”
Daniel
nodded and slid
lower in his seat. Beside him, Dudley
was
staring at the floor, his fingers twisting together nervously. Rob was
on the other
side of the office, looking bored, openly sneering at the principal
whenever
his back was turned.
Mr.
Blakely stopped in
front of Dudley and sighed, shaking
his head.
“Dudley, I’ve never known you to use
your size
against a smaller boy. Why start bullying now?”
“He
wasn’t!” Daniel
interrupted hotly, and then he sank back down when the principal turned
to him.
“Rob started it,” he muttered.
“I did
not!” Rob
countered, leaning forward in his seat. “You tripped me first--”
“Only
because you were
cutting in line,” Daniel argued, his voice overlapping Rob’s. “And you
called Dudley a fat ass.”
“Boys!”
Mr. Blakely
waited for silence, glaring at all of them. “Daniel, I will not
tolerate
language like that in my office.”
Daniel’s
mouth dropped
open. “But--”
The
principal held a hand
up, cutting him off. “That’s enough.” He sighed, frowning down at
Daniel. “When
I agreed to place you with your academic peers, I trusted you to behave
accordingly. However, if this disruptive behavior continues, I will
have to
reconsider your placement.”
Daniel
shrank on the
seat, drawing his knees up. He was going to be pushed back? Not skipped
ahead,
as he’d always been, but actually sent to a lower grade? One without Dudley in it? Jack had been so proud that he’d
been sent
ahead, even in the “gifted” school. What would he say now?
Mr.
Blakely began to pace
in front of them again. “Fighting is not acceptable, no matter who
‘started it’
and what your reasons were. I have called all your parents, and you
will remain
here until they pick you up. Furthermore, you will be suspended for
three
days.”
Daniel
sucked in a quick
breath, and he saw Dudley flinch
beside him.
Suspended? Only bad kids were suspended. Until he’d come to live with
Jack,
Daniel had never even been sent to the principal’s office before. Now
he’d done
it twice, once in his old school when he contradicted the teacher, and
now here
for fighting. He’d been certain he was right the last time, but now...
his
stomach churned uneasily, his bruised ribs aching, and he shifted
uncomfortably,
swallowing.
“Oh,
you’re not going to
let us come to school for three days? Wow, that’s harsh,” Rob muttered,
rolling
his eyes.
“That
will be enough,
Robert,” the principal said shortly. “It is only because Mr. Gordon
didn’t see
you actually hit anyone that your punishment is this light. You’re in
my office
much too often, young man. Don’t overestimate the leniency you have
here.”
Rob
shrugged and flicked
a hand, dismissing the lecture. Mr. Blakely sighed again, turning back
to
Daniel and Dudley. “Dudley, you have
always
behaved well, and Daniel, you seemed like such a bright, polite young
man when
I first met you. I hope I don’t see you two in here again.”
“You
won’t,” Dudley assured him quickly.
At the
same time, Daniel
nodded, murmuring, “No, sir, we’ll be good.”
Rob
snorted derisively
and said nothing.
Mr.
Blakely nodded. “Very
well. I’ll hold you to your word. Stay here in the office until your
parents
pick you up. I’ve already explained the suspension to them. You may
return on
Thursday morning.”
Then he
left and the boys
were alone in the little room. Rob glared across at them, clenching one
fist in
what Daniel supposed was meant as a threat. “You two are gonna get it.”
Daniel
laughed shortly.
“Yeah, we’re shaking. Seems to me you’re the one who got it today. Or
were you
just letting Dudley win because you
felt like
getting up close and personal with that locker?”
Rob’s
eyes narrowed. “You
should watch your mouth. The fat ass won’t always be around to protect
you.”
“Don’t
call me that,” Dudley said evenly.
Rob
opened his mouth,
looked at Dudley, his eyes lingering
on those
big, heavy hands, and then he closed it again without speaking.
“He’s not
afraid of you,”
Daniel told him, “and neither am I.”
Rob
scowled, folded his
arms, and flung himself back in his chair. “Gonna get it,” he muttered
again.
Daniel ignored him. Dudley allowed
himself a
small, smug smile, and then he turned toward Daniel, the two boys
deliberately
shutting Rob out.
They
forced idle chatter
for about five minutes, and then a harried looking woman with dark
Spanish eyes
and a long braid came in. Rob went with her without a word, glaring
over his
shoulder at them the whole time. Once he was gone, both Daniel and
Dudley
relaxed a little, giving each other wry grins.
“Think
he’ll get in
trouble?” Daniel asked.
Dudley shook his head.
“Probably not.
He’s always getting detention and stuff. If he got in trouble for it,
wouldn’t
he stop doing it?”
“Maybe.”
Daniel frowned,
picking at the fabric of his seat. “Think you’ll get in trouble?”
“Yeah,” Dudley
replied dourly. “My mom will have to take off work to come get me, and
her boss
always gets mad. Plus she’ll have to pay more for someone to watch me
until I
can come back to school.”
“Oh.”
Daniel hadn’t
thought of that. Would Jack’s boss be mad at him? He knew Jack had an
important
job. He was in charge of a lot of people. He certainly had better
things to do
than picking Daniel up at school. And where was he going to go during
the day
while he was suspended? Would Jack have to pay Carla more to watch him,
like
when he left his old school? So much for his promises to be good in the
new
place.
“What
about you?”
Daniel
shrugged. “I don’t
know what Jack will do.”
Dudley nodded, giving him a
curious
little sideways glance. “You don’t live with your mom and dad?”
“They
died.”
“Oh.” Dudley
was quiet for a long moment. “So Jack is...?”
“Foster
parent.”
Dudley shifted nervously. “Is
he nice?”
“Yeah,”
Daniel replied
slowly. “So far. I’ve only lived with him a couple months, and I’ve
never
really gotten in trouble. I don’t know what he’ll do about this whole
suspension thing.”
“Oh.” Dudley
swung his feet, scuffing his shoes against the carpet. “I just live
with my
mom. My dad left when I was a baby.”
Daniel
nodded, offering
him a wan smile. He appreciated that Dudley
hadn’t tried to say he was sorry about Daniel’s parents. Everyone was
sorry. It
didn’t help. “At least Rob won’t bother you anymore,” he said.
Dudley grinned for a moment.
“Yeah. I
still can’t believe I beat him.”
“I can.”
Dudley didn’t say thank you,
but his
slow, wide smile said it for him. Then he shrugged, ducking his head.
“I just
wanted him to stop kicking you. It looked like it hurt.”
“Yeah,”
Daniel said. “It
did.”
“Are you
okay now,
though?”
“Sure.”
Daniel shifted,
feeling the skin over his ribs and belly pull. It felt hot and swollen,
tender
and puffy in several places. He resisted the urge to pull his shirt up
and
examine his chest. Doing that would make Dudley
feel guilty for not intervening sooner, and besides, he didn’t really
want to
see. It probably didn’t look good.
The door
opened behind
them, and both boys turned, Daniel wincing with the motion. Jack came
in at a
fast walk, his eyes going over Dudley
suspiciously before focusing on Daniel. Daniel offered an apologetic
smile, not
sure what the right response was here. Jack did look angry, his dark
eyes
snapping, his mouth a taut line, but he also looked a little worried.
“Daniel,”
he said. “Are
you alright?”
Daniel
nodded. “I’m
sorry,” he murmured.
“We’ll
discuss it at home.
Come on.”
“Okay.”
Daniel got to his
feet, aware of Dudley’s sympathetic
gaze. He
mouthed ‘see you Thursday’ at him and got a small nod. Then he followed
Jack
out the door, hurrying his steps to keep up with the rapid pace Jack
set. The
spot on his left thigh where Rob’s foot had connected especially hard
ached
with every step, but he didn’t say anything. This was not the time to
complain.
Jack was already mad enough.
Daniel
got in the
backseat when the arrived at Jack’s truck. Sometimes Jack would let him
ride up
front, but he figured this was not one of those times. Jack didn’t
comment on
his seat choice, and Daniel kept his head down, staring at the floor as
they
pulled out of the parking lot. Maybe if he just stayed quiet and
apologized a
lot, Jack would only yell at him. He was already hurting enough from
what Rob
had done. He didn’t want anything else on top of that.
But no,
Jack had promised
he would never hurt him. Discipline, yes, but never actually hurt him.
Daniel
remembered that very well. Of course, when he’d lived with the Peterson
family,
Mr. Peterson had promised his wife that he’d stop drinking, and he’d
never lose
his temper with the foster kids again. That hadn’t exactly panned out
either.
Sometimes, people broke promises.
No, it
was better to just
keep quiet. He had the feeling Jack knew a lot more about hurting
people than
Rob. He probably wouldn’t do anything like that to Daniel, but...
better not to
push his luck. Just in case.
“I was in
the middle of a
meeting with the top brass when your principal called me,” Jack said
suddenly,
making Daniel jump. “I had to explain to all of them that I couldn’t
finish the
meeting because you’d gotten in a fight at school.”
“Oh,”
Daniel murmured.
Top brass? What was that? Probably something important, judging by the
way Jack
sounded. “I’m sorry.”
“I
thought we talked
about your behavior here. I switched you to this school because you
were
unhappy in the last one. Was that a mistake?”
“No,”
Daniel said
quickly. “I like this new one. I even made a friend.”
Jack
glanced at him over
his shoulder, raising one eyebrow. “Oh? Tell me about it?”
“His name
is Dudley. He was in the office with
me.”
Jack
frowned at him in
the rear view mirror. “That big kid? I thought he was the one you were
fighting
with. He looks like a bully to me.”
“He is
not!” Daniel shot
back, sitting upright and glaring. “He stopped Rob from--” Daniel cut
himself
off sharply. “I wasn’t fighting with him.”
“Rob?”
Jack questioned.
“So he was the one you fought with? Or did this Dudley
get you involved in it somehow?”
Daniel
scowled down at
the floor mat, tugging at his seatbelt in frustration. “It wasn’t Dudley’s fault. Rob was pushing him around, and
I tripped
him, and then he tried to get back at me.”
Jack
shook his head. “I
think Dudley can handle himself. You
should
have stayed out of it.”
Daniel
bit his lip and
said nothing. Jack didn’t understand.
“Maybe
you shouldn’t be
friends with this Dudley if he’s
going to get
you involved in fights.”
“What?”
Daniel shook his
head, leaning forward, trying to catch Jack’s eye. “Jack, really, it
wasn’t his
fault. He didn’t ask me to help. I did that on my own.”
Jack was
quiet for a long
moment. “So you chose to break the rules.”
Daniel
blinked, then sank
back, wrapping his arms around himself. “I guess,” he muttered. It
wasn’t like
he’d thought of it at the time. “I’m sorry if your boss is mad at you.”
Jack
sighed, giving
Daniel another brief look over his shoulder as he drove. “You let me
worry
about that.”
“Okay.”
Daniel rubbed his
stomach again, trying to soothe the aching tightness there. It felt hot
and
tender, especially just above his navel, where Rob’s first kick had
landed. He
pressed his fingers lightly, testing the edges of the sore place,
forcing
himself to stay quiet. His head still hurt, and each breath pulled the
bruises
on his ribs painfully. His face didn’t hurt, though, and the visible
parts of
his arms, where his tee shirt didn’t cover, were unmarked. Maybe if he
was
careful, Jack would never see all the other marks Daniel assumed were
hidden
beneath his clothes. That would probably make him mad, too. Jack
wouldn’t have
lost a fight like that. Jack could take care of himself. He wouldn’t
want a kid
who just curled up in a ball and covered his face.
They rode
the rest of the
way home in silence. Daniel was half drowsing by the time they arrived,
and he
sat up quickly when the engine turned off. He opened his door and
hopped down,
gritting his teeth but keeping the movement light and natural. Jack
walked up
to the house and Daniel followed, wondering what would happen next. He
wanted
to ask where he would go while he was suspended, but he kept his mouth
shut.
“Come
here,” Jack said as
they entered the house. He went to the couch and sat down, and Daniel
followed,
sitting across from him, perched uneasily on the opposite couch.
“I’m
sorry,” he said
again. Maybe if he said it enough Jack wouldn’t be too mad.
Jack
sighed, and some of
the irritation faded from his face. “I know. Listen, Daniel, I’m going
to be
straight with you. I’m not happy that you got in a fight. No matter
what
someone else does, there are always other choices. You could have
gotten a
teacher, or walked away. Fighting is not an option, and you know it.
Doing it
anyway is breaking the rules.”
Daniel
nodded,
swallowing. He butted one toe against the coffee table, watching his
sneaker
bend up slowly, then smooth back down.
“Daniel.”
He looked
up. Jack was
watching him, looking tired and a little confused. Daniel thought he
should
probably say something to agree with Jack, but he couldn’t quite bring
himself
to do it. Maybe mouthing off at Rob in the cafeteria had been wrong,
but what
had happened in the locker room had been beyond his control. Of course,
if he
hadn’t started things in the cafeteria... maybe Jack was right. Maybe
this was
his fault.
“Sorry,”
he whispered.
His headache was getting worse. He hoped Jack would be done soon.
Jack
sighed and got up,
crossing to sit beside him. He rubbed a hand up and down Daniel’s back.
Daniel
held his breath, forcing himself to be still when that warm, heavy hand
bumped
against sore places. At least most of the really painful spots were on
his
sides and chest.
“Can you
tell me why you
did this?” Jack asked softly.
Daniel
shook his head.
Jack wouldn’t understand. And besides, he wasn’t entirely sure he
understood it
himself. He hadn’t thought it out, he’d just done it. He’d seen Rob’s
mocking
smile, the same smile he’d seen on far too many bullies, and Dudley’s
bright red cheeks, his downcast eyes, and he’d just done it. Daniel
thought that
given a chance, he’d probably do it again the same way. Jack wouldn’t
like
that. Better to not tell him.
“All
right,” Jack sighed.
“I want you to go to your room and think for a while. You can come out
when you
can talk to me about this.”
Daniel
nodded and edged
away from Jack’s hand, slipping off the couch. “Okay,” he murmured,
keeping his
eyes down. He hurried away, making the effort to walk up the stairs as
if it
was easy, hoping Jack didn’t notice how much he was leaning on the
banister.
He
breathed a sigh of
relief once he got into his room. With the door shut behind him, he
could relax
and stop standing up so straight. The bed looked wonderfully soft and
he laid
himself gingerly on the covers, suppressing a low groan. Lying on his
back and
staring at the ceiling, he ran careful fingers over his chest, slipping
them
under the plain white gym tee he still wore. At least he wasn’t
bleeding
anywhere. That was something. And at least Jack didn’t seem mad at him
anymore.
Confused, tired, disappointed, unhappy. But not mad.
Somehow,
that wasn’t as
comforting as it should have been.