BOYS WILL BE BOYS  BY PHOENIX E

Jack sighed as he closed the front door behind him.  The house was dark, silent.  Pretty much to be expected as the only other occupant was still back at the mountain, nose deep in some damn fool translation he absolutely had to get finished. Or the world would come to an end, or something.   Which meant he was on his own tonight.  No biggie.  Not like he’d never had to do this sort of thing before.

Yeah, sure, this’ll be fine.  He’d just order something in, have a couple of beers and for once get to watch a game without any having to answer any stupid questions like ‘Can you explain football to me again, I don’t understand what’s going on’.  Without having to feel guilty he was depriving Daniel of an opportunity to watch some stupid program about cow-tipping in the Himalayas.  Just him, himself and the four walls.  Great.  Fine.  Party on.

Sighing yet again Jack threw the mail he had not even bothered to look at on the dining room table and kept on going till he got to the fridge.  Opening it, he stood there surveying the contents.  Well, whaddya know, there was stuff in there.  Other than beer. Some of the leftover whatever-it-was from yesterday.  He couldn’t remember what Daniel had called it.  His version of something they made on Abydos. Some ingredient substitutions required.  It didn’t look like much, but it was good.  He could heat it up.  He could manage that much on his own.

Only he wasn’t hungry.  Wasn’t thirsty either.  Didn’t even really feel like watching television.  Turning on some lights might be good.  Maybe…

Christ, O’Neill can we be any more pathetic?  Daniel ditches you for the books for one lousy evening and you’re standing around in the dark feeling sorry for yourself.  Get yourself a life already!

Oh forgot, already did that.  Problem, is, he’s not here right now.

Jack shook his head as he closed the fridge door.  He knew damned well if Daniel was here right now and caught a load of him standing around moping like a lovesick teenager he’d laugh himself silly.  Daniel really enjoyed catching him with his pants down.  In more ways than one.

Maybe we had better think of something else.  Mail.  We've got mail.  Check it out; get caught up on the bills.  There’s the ticket.

Jack flipped on the light and then crossed to the dining room table.  As he was reaching for the pile of envelopes he had previously dumped there, he took in a small detail he had missed during his first transit of the room.

There was something sitting on the dining room table that shouldn’t have been there.  Something that told him he was not alone in the house.  

Ah.  This changed everything.

His mood immediately shifting into overdrive, Jack kept walking, moving silently across the dining room until he reached the low wall that was the boundary of the upper dining area.  He peered cautiously over it until he could visually sweep the sunken living area directly below.

Nobody down there.  Nobody in the dining room and certainly no one behind him.  That narrowed things down quite a bit.  Had to be in the back part of the house.  Unless they were hiding outside on the deck.  Might as well eliminate that possibility so that he could be sure there wasn’t going to be anything creeping up behind him.

He was starting cautiously down the stairs when the attack came.  Something large, moving pretty fast, hitting from behind, crashing into him, arms wrapping around his waist. The momentum of his assailant’s body sent him stumble down the stairs to fall to his knees on the carpeted floor of the living room.  Before he had a chance to register he was down his attacker used his weight to push his body the rest of the way to the floor, jamming a knee into his back to keep him pinned  while grabbing the collar of his jacket and pulling it halfway down his arms, effectively immobilizing them.

Before Jack had a chance to even grumble ‘for crying out loud’ the man who had him dead to rights, face first into the carpet of the living room floor, leaned down, licked his ear and said, “Gotcha!”

“Daniel - have you lost your mind?”  Jack groused.  “I thought you were back at the base.”

“That’s what you were supposed to think,”  Daniel gloated, insufferably pleased with himself. 

Jack decided, given the circumstances, it was only fair to return the favour by making the boy wish he had never been born.  As soon as he tricked him into letting him up.

“Oh yeah, well next time don’t leave your keys on the dining room table.”  Jack chided.   “I knew you were in the house.”

“So?”  Daniel returned defiantly.  “Didn’t do you any good, did it?  Still got you, didn’t I?”

“Only because I let you,” Jack lied.  Rotten bastard had gotten him cold.

“Oh, - you did not!”  Daniel was positively outraged.  “I was right there in the kitchen the whole time and you didn’t have a clue!”

The kitchen?  How in the hell had he managed that?

“How in the hell did you manage that?”  He had to hear this one!

“Not going to tell you,” Daniel returned stubbornly.

That’s what you think, Danny boy…

“So - are you going to admit I got you?  Can I hear an  ‘uncle’?  I surrender?  ‘Jackson rules?’”

Never!  Death before dishonour!

“Ah. Ow - ow.  Cramp. Back.  Hurts.  Think I pulled something. Owwww!”

“Omigod!  Jack!  I’m sorry!”

That got him.  Jack knew it would.  He felt a little pang hearing the concern and guilt in Daniel’s voice but it vanished as soon as Daniel withdrew enough to allow him to quickly turn on him and pin his lover to the floor.

As he glared into the furious blue eyes beneath him Jack crowed, “You are so easy!  So tell me now, who’s got who?”

Daniel’s eyes narrowed as he struggled briefly and completely ineffectually against Jack’s restraint.  “Why you lowdown, lying, cheating, scum-sucking - ”

“Don’t forget good looking,” Jack grinned triumphantly down at him.  Boy, was Daniel pissed.

“Let me up!”  Daniel raged.

“Nope,” Jack grinned.  “Not until you tell me where you were hiding.”

“Go piss up a rope!”  Daniel set his jaw and glared defiance at him.  “I don’t talk to lying, cheating, manipulative, sneaky, unprincipled - ”

“You forgot ‘scum-sucking’,” Jack supplied, trying to be helpful.  “I’m low-down too, so you’d better talk if you know what’s good for you.”

“Bite me.”

“All in good time.”  Jack shifted his weight so he still had Daniel pinned, but was able to free one hand for other purposes.  He dangled the hand in front of Daniel’s face, flexing his fingers in anticipation of their future employment while continuing in his best pseudo-German accent:

“Zo, Doktor Jackson, iff you insist on continuing to be difficult, I must tell you, ve haff vays off meking you talk…”

Understanding what he was intending, Daniel’s eyes widened in considerable alarm.  

“Oh no, not that.  You - you wouldn’t!”

“Oh, but I would.”

“But you promised the last time you’d never tickle me again!”  Daniel wailed.

“I lied!  Still time to save yourself.  Gonna talk, or am I gonna have to get rough?”

Daniel’s gaze suddenly jerked past him, like he was looking at something behind him and up above at the top of the stairs.  His eyes widened in genuine alarm and he began to stammer.

“Ah General - General Hammond… wha-wha-what are you doing here?  We - ah - we didn’t hear you come in…”

Jesus Christ - the General?

Jack jerked up, releasing Daniel instantly, trying to think of some sort of an explanation for what he had been doing as he turned around to face empty air.

Oh man, I can’t believe I actually fell for that!

“Sucker!”  Daniel hooted as he scrambled to his feet and started to make for the stairs.

“Oh no you don’t!”  Jack snaked a hand out, just barely managing to snag an ankle.  He yanked back on it, pulling Daniel roughly off his feet.  Daniel toppled, landing face down onto the carpet, but twisted around as Jack started to haul him back toward him.  Daniel countered by using his free foot to stomp down on Jack’s shoulder - hard.  Jack considered himself fortunate Daniel wasn’t wearing any shoes or he could have done some actual damage, but as it was he managed to dislodge Jack’s grip.  As soon as Daniel was free he was up and running again, leaping up the stairs, loping down the hall toward the back of the house, no doubt making for a room with a lock on it.

Jack was on his heels in a heartbeat.  Right behind him as Daniel darted into the bedroom, striving to slam the door shut even as he was countering his efforts from the other side.  For the first few agonizing seconds it looked as if neither one of them was going to prevail over the other.  Then Jack decided to take a little gamble.

He briefly withdrew from the door, gathering himself for a concerted assault.  Confused, Daniel hesitated for one fatal second before pressing his unexpected advantage and continuing to shut the door.

That second was all Jack needed.  He literally threw himself at the door, ramming it with his shoulder and the force of all his weight.  The door flew open before him, that is until it was stopped abruptly by an obstacle on the other side.  He heard the sound of a sickening thud, a soft and slightly confused “ow”, then heard  something sliding down the other side of the door on its way to the floor.

Crap.  That wasn’t part of the plan.

...still a little fuzzy, he was lying down, on the bed probably, head hurt, oh yeah, the door…

Daniel groaned, put a hand to his forehead and then pulled it away, startled by the cold, damp feeling of the cloth resting there.  He kept his eyes closed as he said, for the benefit of the man he knew was sitting on the bed beside him, “That’s it, you’re just a brute.  I’m going home to mother.”

Jack sighed and stroked his head.  “You don’t have a mother.”

“Damn.  That’s right. Guess I’m staying.  You’re still a brute, though.”

Jack’s hand was now gently caressing his cheek.  “Possibly.  Very possibly.  However, may I say in my own defense, you started this.”

“Okay,” Daniel conceded grudgingly, still not opening his eyes.  “I’ll give you that.  I wasn’t doing too bad though, was I?   Uh, Jack?  What are you doing?”

Hands were pulling his T-shirt out of his pants, pushing it up, out of the way, moving slowly over his stomach, massaging, roaming, over him, up his chest, each gentle, knowing touch making him tingle, the warmth within him growing, spreading, shooting.

“I have to check you over.”  Jack’s voice had deepened, taking on that thick quality it got when he was very, very involved with what he was doing.  “Make sure there are no other -  injuries. ”

“I see,” Daniel gasped, licking his lips as Jack’s fingers traced teasing circles over his stomach.  “I suppose you think this is going to make it up to me.”

“Oh, I’m hoping,” Jack growled as his tongue found an erect nipple and worked it, imitating the motions his hand was making further down.   After his efforts had elicited more than a few appropriate vocalisations from the man beneath him he raised his head and asked,  “So, how’s the head?”

“Fine, fine.”  Daniel bit his lip and jerked his hips impatiently beneath Jack’s hand.  “I have another problem now.”

"I’m on it,” Jack chuckled as he began to undo Daniel’s pants.

Daniel raised his hips off the bed, hissing with desire as Jack adroitly slipped the confining clothing down his body.  Daniel impatiently kicked his pants off the rest of the way as Jack turned his attention to other matters.

As he drew a finger along the length of Daniel’s erection he said thoughtfully,  “Ah, I can see what your problem is.”

Daniel’s only response was a slightly strangled sound from the back of his throat as he writhed on the bed.

“Sorry, can’t talk now,” Jack grinned before sliding his lips down Daniel’s full length and sucking.

The screams weren’t long in coming.

Jack shivered with delight.  He’d probably lost about a quart of precious bodily fluids in that last one, and Daniel was still kissing him.  That goose egg on his forehead didn’t seem to be slowing his Danny down one bit.  However, he hoped Daniel didn’t get a black eye in the bargain.  That might be a little bit difficult to explain.

God, could Daniel kiss!  He was going to be ready to go again in no time flat.  Jack couldn’t believe what this man could do to him.  Several times in succession.

He’d always figured he was going to die with a bullet between the eyes doing something stupid for country and the cause.  Now Jack was thinking he might have to reassess his options for future expiration potential. That is, if they didn’t accidentally kill each other simply horsing around.  

Which reminded him…

Jack flipped Daniel over onto his back, pinned him down, planted a huge, wet kiss over most of the bottom of his face causing Daniel to sputter and groan, then pulled back to grin impudently into Daniel's stormy face. 

“So, tell me where you were hiding or I’ll slime you a second time!”

“You’re so disgusting!”

“You’ve been warned…”

“Ah, go ahead, do your worst. I'll get you. You can’t keep me here forever!”

Jack looked deeply into the eyes of the man beneath him as he reached down and caressed his cheek lovingly.

“Maybe not, Danny, but God help me, I’m sure going to try….

FINIS