STARRY
NIGHT BY PHOENIXE
| Slash: |
Jack and Daniel involved in a loving and committed
relationship, which usually involves sex. |
| Rating: |
NC-17 |
| Category: |
First Time, Angst, Romance |
| Season/Spoilers: |
Not season specific, no spoilers |
| Synopsis: |
A gentle, sensual, lightly humorous, slightly irreverent
(it is Jack's POV, after all) tale of the aftermath of near loss resulting
in a revelation beneath the stars. |
| Warnings: |
No warnings, except for a wee bit of language, just
two men who find themselves a bit...starstruck. |
| Length: |
67 Kb Originally completed Dec 2002. This story
originally appeared in A J/D Six Pack 1 by Yadda Press, and in 2004 was
reissued in the Reprise, and in both incarnations was enhanced by a lovely
graphic by Chance she created especially for it. The story itself, I've
spiffed it up a bit and finally set it free. |
"Jack," Daniel sighs,
"Stop…hovering.
It's no big deal. I've climbed up
here dozens of times before."
But
never right after you've barely crawled
away from death's door.
I didn't say that
out loud, did I? Nope,
definitely didn't.
Damned near bit my tongue through
holding it in, but I didn't.
"Ole Doc Fraiser will
have my head if she finds out I've
let you come out here in the middle
of the frigging night," I gruffly scold
Daniel, following him as closely as
I dare while he painfully struggles
to negotiate the route to my roof. The state his illness
has left him in, I'm thinking Daniel
wouldn't find Everest as much of a
challenge as the little ladder he's
currently struggling to pull himself
up. But being
who he is and the fact he's set his
mind to doing it, even though he can
barely stand he'll haul his ass all
the way up to the roof on stubbornness
alone.
All on his own, thank
you very much. Colonels
need not hover, scold or sweat it.
And they'd also better not try to stop
him either.
Actually, the way
he's clinging to the rungs and gasping
I'm surprised he has the energy to
spare for bitching.
We're only halfway to the top and
even he can't ignore how much this
seemingly simple exertion is taking it out
of him.
Even though we both
know he should be in bed and he really
doesn't have the strength yet to be
climbing onto roofs, Daniel wants to
see the stars. He
wants to see the damned stars and the
best place for doing that is on my
roof, so he's going to make it up this
frigging ladder so he can see the frigging
stars on my frigging roof, that's the long
and the short of it.
It's just like him
to want to - to need to do something
like this even though he's still so
damned weak he can barely make it to
the john without a helping hand.
Hell, he's the only man living
stubborner than I am.
And that's saying something. He's
also no better at being a patient. Or lying back and
doing what he's told for his own damned
good. Especially
if he gets a notion in his head he
wants to do something else, whether
it's in his own best interests or not.
Dammit! This is nuts! I can’t believe
I let him talk me into - only a day
and a half out of Fraiser's tender
loving care after just barely living
through three weeks of a raging fever
of alien origins that should have killed
him. Probably would have killed
anyone else. Didn't
kill him, though, but it's left its
mark on him just the same.
It'll be awhile before he's strong
enough to even think of going back to
work, never mind anything else, and he's
still so weak and physically wasted he definitely shouldn't
be out of bed, never mind doing what
he's doing right now.
But here he is, hanging
off my ladder by a thread.
And here's me, so
damned grateful he's still alive I
can't say no to him even though I know…well,
you know… So
although I should have put my foot
down and not let him get out of bed,
guess what, I didn't, so here he is, and
here am I not stopping him and standing by
with my foot in my mouth watching him
struggle and sweat.
What's more it's tearing my heart
out to see him like this, so damned weak
and yet so damned determined, knowing
there's no way I can help him - because
there' no way he'd let
me - make any of it any easier for
him.
You know what, though? As I hang so close behind him I can almost feel each bead
of sweat blossoming on his shining
skin I realise this same bone-deep
stubbornness, the very spirit driving
him to doggedly fight his way up to
my roof against all the odds and his
own infirmity, this 'never say die,
never surrender' Jackson grit is what
kept him alive all those weeks while
the fever burned him alive before our
helpless eyes. The
same thing giving him the strength
to haul himself up another rung is
what kept him hanging on, day after
agonizing, endless day even after even Fraiser
was convinced he wouldn't make it to each
successive sunrise.
During that second,
awful week as I watched him writhe
and burn and couldn't do anything more
for him than anyone else, I got to
thinking he was hanging on just to
spite Fraiser. I’ve never known the Doc to ever give
up on a patient, but she couldn’t hide
it; she was scared.
Hell, she wasn’t the
only one. In the dark, still times
of early morning I'd sit by his bedside,
listening to him fight for every breath,
willing him to take the next, and the
next, and on and on. All alone; just
him and me.
I
was fucking petrified.
I don't want to know
how close we really came to losing
him. Or how
many times.
Dammit. Not going there. Not now. Not ever.
I guess we forgot
who we were dealing with. He showed her, all
right. He showed
all of us. He hung in.
He made it through.
Thank God.
Daniel never gives
up. He'll make it to the roof, the same way he bucked
the odds and beat that alien bug trying
to kill him.
And you know what
else? Even though I think the whole
thing's nuts, I don't care. I'm damned well
gonna let him climb this freaking ladder
if he wants to. Fuck,
he's earned it! Fraiser
can bust my chops for it later, that
is, if she ever finds out.
But seeing as how I don't think
either one of us are going to breathe a
word, what she doesn't know won't kill
her.
Or me.
A soft, barely audible
sigh escapes Daniel and he abruptly
falls back against me, the exhausted
tremors violently rippling through
his labouring body kinda scaring me
just a tad. He's so damned weak.
Crap, I'm no doctor. I have no idea
what's going on, if this is 'normal' given
the run down shape he's still in or if
this unscheduled workout is making things
worse. Yeah, he's on the mend, sure
enough or Fraiser wouldn't have cut
him loose and given him into Colonel
Nightingale's custody. Still, she's trusting
me to look after him, to make sure
he takes care of himself and doesn't
do anything stupid to set back his
recovery. Kinda
like this.
Exactly like this. Maybe - maybe we
should rethink this plan of yours,
Daniel. Go back
inside? The stars will be there another night. They're always gonna be there.
You…you on the other hand…
As if he's picking
the thoughts right out of my brain
Daniel weakly shakes his head, blatantly
slumping against me, letting me take
his weight and support him while he
shallowly gulps air into his lungs and
rests until the trembling in his arms and
legs lessens.
Then he reaches back, grabs my hand
and squeezes it reassuringly.
"I'm okay," he bravely
lies, ignoring his faltering voice.
"You're sure you want
to do this?" I gently whisper into
his ear as he faintly nods and guides
my hand until it's resting on his left
hip.
Meaning of course,
the arm it's attached to is now encircling
his waist.
"I - I - I might need
a push," he pants into my neck, letting
go of my hand and allowing me to wrap
my arm more securely around him. "Do you mind? Giving
me a boost?"
"No problem. I've got you," I
assure him, moving up the ladder and
into him so as to be able to lever
him up the last couple of rungs. Hell, I'll carry
him if I have to. No
sweat. Wouldn't
be difficult either.
He's lost so much weight; it scares
me how much smaller and frailer he is now.
I know given time and lots of
fattening he'll get it back, but at the
moment, as I move my hand up his side
to get a better grip on him I can practically
count every rib under my palm and being
reminded so painfully of how what he's
just been through has affected him
I -
I'm gonna stop thinking
about it and just get him up this damned
ladder. It's
over. He made it. He's
alive. He's
fine - or at least, he will be, once
he's back to his old self.
And he will be.
It'll just take a little time.
"I've got you," I
tell him again, just in case he didn't
hear me the first time. I don't know why,
but all of a sudden it's important
to me he not have any doubts I won't
let him down.
"I - I know you do,"
he murmurs quietly, and there's a fond,
unwavering warmth to his voice pulls
at my heart as I hear him tell me,
unequivocally, he trusts me completely
to get him where he needs to be.
Daniel trusts me.
He knows I won't let him down. What's more, as
we make our joint bid for the top pretty
much joined at the hip I don't know
what I'm prouder of, that he's actually
letting me help him up the few final
feet to his objective or knowing he
knows - I'll get him there.
He needs me. Counts on me. Depends on me. Knows he can do
all of the above. Doesn't
seem to have any problem with either
leaning on me or knowing he is. Maybe it's always
been this way for him - about me -
and I just never noticed before, but
this is the first time it's ever hit home,
so dramatically, that Daniel has ever let
me see…
I mean something to
him. I'm not just - he - he -
He needs me. And he doesn't mind
that he does. In
fact, I think he's kinda happy about
it….like someone like me is something
he's never had before, and he's pretty
damned pleased he's got me now.
Yeah, you do, Danny. You really do. I'm
not going anywhere.
Not on your life.
Funny thing, a year ago figuring
this out would have scared the crap
out of me but now -
Feels, it feels right
somehow. A lot
righter than things have been for the
longest time. I
don't know what that means, but I'm
not going to waste any time worrying
about it. Besides,
we're here.
Top of the world,
Danny.
"Thank you," Daniel
says simply as we stand swaying together
on the deck of my wee rooftop observatory. I've still got my
arm firmly locked around Daniel's waist,
hugging him close and holding him up. We both know from the way he's shaking his legs are about
to go and he doesn't utter a peep of
protest when I pat him on the shoulder
to acknowledge his accomplishment and
then silently guide him toward the
little nest of pillows and blankets
I installed up here prior to his arrival
and after he first nailed me with those
big blue eyes and 'please,
Jack, I HAVE to see the stars'.
It's nuts, I know,
he shouldn't be here, not only is it
the middle of the night, but the mercury
is hovering near freezing.
Fraiser really will have my
head and a few other body parts I'm
especially fond of if she gets wind of
this, but you try looking at that face and
saying no to him.
Gowan - I dare
you.
Daniel heaves a grateful
sigh as I settle him down against me
and efficiently cocoon both of us in
the warmth of my huge, ridiculously
expensive down comforter. Decorative
and definitely functional.
He doesn't move while I get both of
us comfy and protected from the cold, just
shuts his eyes and lets his head fall
wearily against my shoulder, concentrating
on breathing.
He still doesn't open them but
makes a small, contented sound when I
finish up by wrapping my arms around
him.
To tell you the truth,
I'm feeling pretty darned contented
myself. Daniel's
warmth, his nearness, the way he feels
in my arms - again, I'm struck with
how right it all is, how right
he is,
and there's something ticking over
inside me, quiet and steady, like a softly
chiming bell, a kind of….peace… I
guess, that's as good a word as any…I
haven't felt in a long time.
It's nice.
So is this.
Being here, with him.
Like…like this.
Not just the way I
am, but the way he is - with me - right
now. I haven't
seen him this serene since Abydos. He had this look
back then, a kind of happy glow; not
just with Sha'uri and Skaara, but with
the Abydonians. They got close to him. He let them be that
close. They
were home to him. And
he was happy. You
could see it pouring off of him.
Daniel is happy. Like he was in Abydos. And me? I'm turning cartwheels,
here. On the
inside.
This means something,
doesn't it? Over
and above the obvious, I mean, me just
being plain glad he's still here. Yeah,
sure, I'm over the moon he's warm and
breathing and in my arms after such a
long time of him being so sick and all and
coming so close to very nearly not being
with us at all - but this - whatever it is
I'm feeling at the moment - this is
something else.
Something…more.
Something about Daniel. Daniel and me.
Daniel…
"You okay?" I whisper, glancing down at the head nestled against my
shoulder.
"I'm fine," Daniel
breathes, his reply barely audible.
"Warm enough?" I ask
him, starting to gently rub his arm. Just in case…
This time the corner
of Daniel's mouth quirks in a brief,
ironic grin before he replies.
"What do you want
from me, a note from my doctor, I told
you I'm fine, Jack."
The fondness in Daniel's
low retort both cheers and warms me. That's my boy -
as long as he can manage enough of
a spark to kick back, even a little
-
Abruptly his eyes
open, fasten on mine.
I swear they're glowing.
Something… something about the
way he's looking at me makes my heart leap
and stutter. The blood is pounding in my
head and there's a sudden roaring in my
ears so loud I almost don't hear what
he softly says next.
"As a matter of fact,
I've never been better."
I don't know what
he means by that but before I can try
and puzzle it out he flashes me a shy
smile and turns his head to gaze up
toward the heavens.
I stifle an irrational feeling of
loss unexpectedly gripping me because he's
no longer looking at me, but at the sky.
It's why he's here,
after all, to see the stars.
Not the crotchety
old colonel who suddenly can't take
his own eyes off him.
The stars. Daniel wants see
the stars. He
couldn't have picked a better night
for it. I checked
out the show before I brought him up
here and the view is down right spectacular. The moon hasn't
made it over the mountains yet; the
air is cold, crisp, and the night sky
clear and as black as a bitch. I didn't move out
here just because there weren't many
other people around.
This far away from the city centre,
light pollution is minimal. Ideal for
stargazing.
You can see a lot, if you've a mind
to look.
And right now, if
the rapt expression on his face is
anything to go by, Daniel is seeing
plenty. Holy
buckets, he's not the only one.
"Thank you," Daniel
says, his eyes dancing as they devour
the night sky above us, his sheer delight
in what he's seeing brightening his
face and driving away the gaunt, exhausted
mask of sickness haunting his features. He's never looked
more alive, more…
"For what?" I blurt out dumbly just in time to head myself off at
the pass from saying something really dumb. Although
the way it feels here and now in this
quiet and suddenly sacrosanct space,
this little world on high we're existing
in, just the two of us and a billion
burning witnesses above, the night
air swirling and sparking all around us -
like some kind of….magic….or
something, I wonder if I could do or say anything wrong,
or anything Daniel wouldn't want to
hear.
Of course that whole
last bit I just ran through my head
is probably the dumbest idea I've ever
had in a very long history of dumb
ideas and yet…
"For…everything,"
Daniel quietly replies, his eyes still
locked on the heavens. "But most of all,
thanks for being here."
"Hey, backatcha,"
I blurt out, briskly rubbing his arm
to give myself something to focus on
so the lump doing its damndest to clog
up my throat - doesn't. "It wouldn't be
the same….without - that is - I mean
- "
Well, so much for
that idea!
"I know," Daniel gently
pats my hand and mercifully spares
me the necessity of having to stumble
to the end of my sentence. "Me too."
Then he's gone again,
his upturned face transcendent and
kissed by starlight, his wide, encompassing
eyes ablaze with wonder.
"Oh Jack," Daniel
murmurs, his hungry gaze greedily feasting
upon the spectacle sprawled above us. "It's so beautiful."
"Uh huh," I hear myself
grunting. "Beautiful."
I can't tell you what
the hell he's looking at because the only stars I'm seeing
are the ones shining in his eyes but
I couldn't agree more with his assessment
just the same.
I bask in the glories
of the universe reflected in the face
of the man before me, a cosmos of wonders
encapsulated in the miracle of the
man in my arms. He's
always been right in front of me, always
- Daniel - and yet now, he's so much
more.
I look at Daniel practically
every damned day - it's my job to watch
his six out there and as a friend I
keep an eye on him most of the rest
of the time as well, but - and this
is the weird part - how come for all
that looking I've never really seen.
Not like...now…
Is it me? Am I
the one who couldn't see what was right in
front of me or has he been doing that
hiding his light under a basket…thing. I don't think that's
quite right, but…oh crap, I don't know,
don't really care actually; I'm having
a moment here and Daniel… Whoa, just look
at him. He's
- so - so - so damned…
How the hell did I
miss this? Look at him! I swear, he's glowing.
Okay, possible explanation
for what's happening here, maybe a
large part of what's inspiring my new
take on Daniel has to do with how close
we came to never having this moment
at all. Or any
moments…period. All
because of a stupid slip, a small,
harmless scratch and an alien bacterium
that was anything but harmless. I
still can't get my head around the
fact after everything he's pulled himself
through, endured, got the better of
and generally survived it was a stupid,
scum-sucking microscopic bug that almost
got him.
Almost, but not quite. You beat it, Danny, you held off that stinking microbe
long enough for them to finally figure
out how to kill it.
As a result Earth got a honking heavyweight of a new
antibiotic, waah hoo, but what's even
more important, what's certainly all
I care about - we got to keep you alive
and breathing.
I got - I got to have
you and to keep on having you. Right here. Right now. That means more
to me than anything.
It does, Daniel. It really does.
Son of a gun…
I become aware Daniel
is hugging my bent right leg to his
side and his hand is gently massaging
my shin about the same time I realise
I've sorta had my nose in his hair
for….at least several minutes.
Give or take.
Damn, it's soft. His
hair, that is. You wouldn't expect
it would be that soft, I mean, because
he's a guy, and the whole 'silken locks'
deal - not exactly a guy thing - not
that I'm in the habit of running my
fingers through guys' hair or anything
like that because I'm not, but Daniel's
hair… as long as I happen to be - um
- nuzzling, I can't help but notice,
it is, it's really soft, and silky and it
smells, so -
What the heck is that smell, anyway?
I don't know, but it's nice. Really nice. I'm
no good at figuring out crap like what
smells like what, but I wish I knew what
this is, it's really - whatever it is -
it's…mmmmmm. Must
be his shampoo. Hell,
I don't even remember what kind it is, I
just carted a bunch of his personal crap
over, whatever I thought he'd need, before
I brought him home.
Good thing I did, too. I'd barely got him
through the door and he wanted to take
a bath. Said
he had to wash the smell of the infirmary
off, the sooner the better.
He didn't have an easy time of
managing that by himself either, but he
did it.
And afterwards, the look on his
face when he got an eyeful of those new
pj's I'd laid out for him! The ones Cassie
bought for him. Blue silk,
for crying out loud. You have to wonder why a
teenager is buying a grown man blue silk
pyjamas. What exactly is that all about
and do I really want to know? I'm gonna
have to remember to ask Janet if anyone
else had a hand in the selection, but my
God, once he got over being mortified
as hell and actually put them on I
have to say whoever made the call and
picked them out knew their stuff. They look pretty
damned good on him.
Felt pretty good, too. He's not wearing
them right now, no way, made sure he
was bundled up nice and warm before
coming out here, but oh yeah, silk,
felt nice…really nice…
Um - oh wow! How the hell did
I get from….wherever the hell I was
to blue silk jammies and how Daniel
looks in them?
Crap, there must be something in
the air or something. What the hell is
going on here? Have I lost my mind? I'm sitting up on
my roof in the middle of the frigging
night, it's bloody freezing and I'm
wrapped around my best friend hugging
the shit out of him and getting off
on sniffing his hair and remembering
the way he looks in his brand new silk
jammies. While
he's got his head on my shoulder and
is feeling up my leg.
Shouldn't I be having a problem
with this?
This should
be weirding me out.
That we're sitting like this,
so close, touching…and stuff…I mean,
his butt is practically plastered to
my…um… but it isn't.
Freaking me out, that is. It really isn't,
and the fact it isn't, isn't weirding
me out either. I'm
sure that means something too, but
figuring out what would mean I'd have
to start thinking about it and I'd…oh,
I'd just as soon not right now.
All I want to do is sit right here,
with Daniel, my friend, my…
Daniel…
My lips seem determined
to brush against his brow and I'm just
gonna give them their head. So to speak. Daniel's eyes gently
close when he feels the slight caress. A dreamy, contented
smile wanders all over his face and
he sighs deeply. A
happy sound. Nice
sound.
He liked it when I
did that. Hey,
me too.
I feel kind of giddy
as I hug him closer and he lets me.
I haven't got a clue why my head is
spinning and my heart is flip flopping,
but it's a pretty neat feeling and
I'm definitely going with it.
I'm getting into being with Daniel
like this, and truth be told wouldn't have
a problem with spending the rest of the
night sitting here with him, just the way
we are right now, just…just like this,
but I have to think about what's best
for Daniel.
He's still recuperating and even
though he seems fine now he's resting
and not trying to scale Mount O'Neill
I shouldn't let this go on much longer.
It's so cold the tip of my nose is
starting to tingle and the small clouds
of condensation we're creating with
each breath are swirling about each
other, co-mingling…
Oooooh, that's kind
of…hot…
Okay, that was weird
but my original point was, I think,
we've been here for about twenty minutes
and it's getting colder. Way colder. I really should
get him inside, soon, even though I
don't want to leave - not just yet,
anyway, but I'm worried about Daniel
being out here much longer with him
still being so weak and run down and
all.
So even though a part
of me is dragging its heels at the
very idea of busting this up and taking
it back inside I really should…
"Danny," I start telling
him while stroking the hair back from
his forehead.
"It's cold.
We should go back in."
He heaves another
sigh, this one not so happy, his face
scrunching up in protest as he turns
toward me and burrows his head into
the hollow of my neck.
"Oh Jack, do we have to?"
he pleads. "Go
back in, right away, I mean. It's just…this is…it's
nice. Just a
few more minutes? Please?"
Nice. Yeah, it is. Very nice. Just about the nicest
time I've ever had.
Really.
Whoa! Is Daniel - sniffing me? Well, I guess turnabout
is fair play, I mean, I've been sitting
here surreptitiously snorting his hair
so I guess I can't say too much if
he wants to get in some…um… reciprocal
sniffage...
I think I'll change
the subject. Now.
"I never knew you
had this much of a thing about stars,"
I tease him, leaning forward to catch
his faint grin of response to my gentle
jibe.
"I don't," he shrugs
and then unabashedly snuggles in even
closer, rubbing his cheek against the
side of my face like a happily nuzzling
puppy. "Yeah,
I wanted to see them, and I'm glad
I have but they're not the reason I
don't want to leave.
It's just…I might never get a
chance - this - you - like this - we go
back in and it'll be…over.
Gone," he finishes with a
wistful sigh that twists into my heart
like a tiny, burrowing splinter of pain.
The sort of pain I
never suspected has been sheltering
inside him or realized he felt - because
- because of something he's let slip
he likes and wants but doesn't believe
he'll ever have again.
Me.
Being close to –
to me.
Daniel was happy but
now he's sad. As
it's coming crystal clear to me I'd
rather chew my own arm off than let
him live another minute with this sorrow
inside him what it means - what everything
that's been going on since we got here
and kind of confusing me…what it's all
about…
I've got to sort it
all out, make some sense of it but
it's not easy to think, and all of
a sudden it gets even more difficult.
He tilts his head
up until his wide, eloquent eyes are
beaming into mine.
They're deep, full of a wistful
longing I've never seen before, hope
shimmering with regret, and overflowing
with a promise and a secret he's never let
me see before.
The funny thing -
I should be surprised.
But I'm not.
"I'm not ready for
this to be over, just yet. I hope you don't
mind…putting up with me for a few minutes
longer. Just
a few more minutes…"
My mouth is moving
and words are coming out but I'm not
really sure what I'm saying. Or how I'm able
to say anything at all. All I can see is
Daniel and I feel like I'm falling
straight into those eyes getting bigger
and bigger until their serene, searching
blueness is all I know, or ever care
to know.
"Who says it has to
be over?"
Yeah…that's right. Who says?
"Jack?"
He's puzzled by what
he's just heard, I can tell by the
way his forehead is doing that scrunching
up thing it always does when he's thinking,
or bugged by something, but his eyes
are still clear and trusting. Not scared, not
disbelieving, just trying to understand.
What
do you mean?
He
says to me, clean as a bell although he
hasn't said a word.
What - what do I mean?
"Um…"
That's the best I
can do right now. Not
that I don't want to answer him, I
just can't. Too
much is swimming around in my head
and it won't settle down and make enough
sense for me to be able to do more
than stare at him with my mouth hanging
open, especially the way he's looking at
me now, a kind of melty, soft indulgence
crinkling his eyes and pulling gently at
his mouth.
"As articulate as
always, I see," Daniel softly murmurs,
his tone anything but unkind.
"Yeah well, you know
me," I shrug and goon a grin right
back at him.
Daniel abruptly blinks
a couple of times like he's got something
in his eye and then bites his lower
lip. I - he
- oh my, that lip caught between those
strong, white teeth - oh, oh
-
"Yes I do," he starts
to say slowly, carefully, his eyes
sliding away from mine just a little. "I don't think I've
ever told you how much - knowing you
has meant - how much you…"
His voice trails off,
he’s silent for a second or two, then
he takes a deep breath and plunges
onward, still looking more past me
than at me.
"We've been friends
for a long time and I think you know
- I'm sure you know I care about you
- not that we've ever needed to talk
about it or anything but it's there. We're friends, just
goes without saying. Always has. But that's changed
for me now, because, well, just because…"
Changed? What, where, how,
why, what does he mean?
Wait. Don't panic. This isn't anything
bad. I just
realized he's holding one of my hands
- has been for a while, just holding
it and gently running his thumb across
my palm and I haven't even noticed
he was doing it because it feels so…right.
I keep saying that,
don't I? I still
have no idea what I mean.
Maybe I'll tell my inner moron to
can it and just listen to what he's trying
so damned hard to tell me.
"I - life is short,
Jack. Too short,
and far more uncertain than any of
us want to believe - even people who
do insane things like we do on practically
a daily basis. You
never know when - " he pauses, frowns
and shifts unhappily in my embrace
like what he's trying to say isn't
coming out the way he wants it to.
"Let's just say being here,
right now - and very grateful to be,
believe me - after coming so close to -
you know - more than a couple of times,
especially this time… What I mean
to say is - what I want you to know….ohhhhh……"
Daniel stops talking,
a soft sigh of pleasure easing out
from between his slightly parted lips
so warm and silken beneath my fingers. His moist breath
drives the chill from my fingertips
as I gently stroke across his mouth,
and I can't believe not only how incredible
it feels to touch him like this, but
I'm actually touching him.
Like this.
I know moonlight is
supposed to drive you mad, make you
do insane things but there is no moon,
only the stars, does starlight make
you crazy, bonzo, nutso, fill your
head with thoughts you never dreamt you'd
have for someone you've never seen the way
you're seeing them now, wide eyes clouding
with desire, heavy lids slowly sliding
closed while he shudders at your touch,
not the cold, just you. You stare at his
shining face, the only thing that exists,
your trembling, curious fingers tracing
across its lines and contours, mapping,
seeking, feeling, curling against his
cheek like they never want to let go,
then moving again to cup the back of
his head, to clutch, possess, impel,
draw forward…
I'm leaning down,
toward him, can't help myself it has
to be the stars, but I don't care. Whatever it is,
Daniel shudders once more, swallows
a hushed gasp and darts his tongue
out to lightly touch his lower lip
as his eyes open and gaze trustingly
into mine.
"Jack," he contentedly
sighs, his yearning face drawing nearer,
filling my sight as his light swarms
my senses.
Screw the stars, who
needs 'em…
Our lips meet, we're
completing a circuit and suddenly I'm
shivering too, quaking like I'm about
to fly apart, the current of our connection
knifing through me like I've just stuck
my finger in a live socket. Maybe my brain was
a bit slow on the uptake but my dick
is having no problems connecting the
dots; it springs to life with a vengeance. It feels like I've
got a red hot poker in my shorts with
Daniel moaning and squirming about
in my arms, clutching frantically at
the front of my jacket as he pushes
me back onto the deck and throws himself
on top of me, his mouth still clamped
to mine, sucking furiously.
Maybe he's sucking more than my
face, getting all his new-found strength
directly out of me and that's why he's
suddenly able to be all over me while I
can't seem to do anything but lie here
like a very happy lump soaking in
everything he's giving me, drowning in an
ocean of delight.
Oh yeah, I'm in big trouble here,
in way over my head, I'm going down
for the third time and loving it, getting
sucked away in the undertow of waves
of bliss, but what a way to go…
What the fuck? Why did he stop? It was just starting
to get good. Really,
really good.
I crack open my eyes
to see Daniel's slyly smiling face
hovering a few inches above mine. I'm still too blown
away to be articulate, but my strangled
bleat of confusion cracks him up. Apparently.
When he stops chuckling
he melts me with a fond look while
he lightly traces the shape of my lower
lip with his finger.
"Jack," he murmurs. "I think we should
go back inside. I want to go to bed."
What? What? He wants to go to
sleep?
Now?
What?
Daniel sighs and shakes
his head. "Yes,
Jack. Let's go inside. Where
it's warm.
Where the bed is.
Bed,
Jack?"
OH!
Bed!
I get it!
Not, sleep - bed!
That's very different
from sleep. And
way better than here.
Yeah, bed sounds like a damned fine
idea to me.
Bed. Yeah. Bed.
"We can do that,"
I hastily agree.
"We should do that. Yeah, we definitely
should. Let's
- do that."
"Jack," Daniel tenderly
sighs my name, looking down at me with
wide, shining eyes and so much affection
it makes my heart hurt to be so lucky. I think I'm in love.
In love? Oh! So that's
what's been going on all this time and had me all confused. It's absolutely
nothing to do with the stars and I
haven't been having a stroke either,
which I have to say is a bit of a relief.
Neither a stroke or
insanity, just love.
I'm in love. With Daniel.
I'm in love with Daniel.
Cool!
No stars grace this
new darkness we find ourselves in,
save the ones splattering spectacularly
against the canvas of my closed lids
while Daniel's warm, soft lips sensually
caress the naked skin of my chest. I'm lying sprawled
across my bed overdosing on desire,
peeled and laid out, limp as a wet
noodle. Well,
not all of me, part of me is
anything but limp, the part
Daniel's got his long, limber fingers
wrapped around and what they're doing to
me right now - oh my, from one end to the
other I'm feeling no pain.
I should come up for
air here, even though it's really,
really…damn, it feels so good but I
shouldn't…oooooh God…just a little…more…right there! Just like that! Oooooh yeah… Hooooley
buckets, those fingers, those lips, that mouth!
Moving south, making me crazy every
inch of the way.
Oh! Licking, now! This
feels even better.
Never been licked before but
I like it. Like
licking.
Uh uh.
Oh yeah.
Licking.
Licking is
definitely…definitely…
Oh wait, oh wait,
what's he doing? I
think he's gonna - oh boy, not that! Not now. I wouldn't mind, 'cause on principle
I have absolutely nothing
against the practice, especially if
I'm the one being practised on but I
shouldn't let him - that is - he's already
done more than enough given the condition
he's in - I should be the one doing him,
not -
"Daniel - wait," I
manage to gasp as his breath warms
the head of my penis, nearly making
me pass out from a combination of pleasure
and anticipation.
"You don't like it,"
Daniel quavers and immediately backs
away from me, and my subsequently abruptly
abandoned dick flops forlornly against
my stomach. He
sounds so disappointed he's almost
in tears. Crap,
he thinks I don’t
want this, don’t want him -
"No,
oh no!"
I
exclaim, springing up from the bed and
groping about in the dark until I can grab
him and hug the shit out of him. "I like it. Youbetcha, I like
it so much I'm practically a puddle
of goo, here, but -
your condition, and all. I’m worried
about you. Maybe
it's not such a good idea for you -
I wish you would but I don't know if
you should. That's
all I meant."
"Don't be," Daniel
gently assures me between planting
soft, playful kisses all over my face. "I'm fine and believe
me I really want to do this."
"You do?" I barely
manage to grunt.
"Oh yeah," he growls.
"You do? Well, if you really
want to…"
Hey, don't look at
me like that, he wants
to!
"I do," he returns
emphatically and then abruptly puts
a hand on my chest and shoves me back
so - emphatically - I bounce once when
I hit the bed.
Whoa! Remind me never
to argue with Daniel when he's horny.
"Now shut up and lie
there," Daniel tersely instructs me
as he takes matters in…um…hand once
again.
Yes Sir! Assuming the position
and lying here as instructed. You got it. No, what's more
to the point, you got me. Oh yeah, definitely,
and there's the mouth, holy crap here we gooooooooo….
I slide back down
from one hell of an orgasm with delicious
slowness, returning to my senses cozy
in my bed, a lightly panting linguist
wrapped around me.
Oh my God, what a ride.
That mouth, not that the rest of
him isn't an incredible enough package but
if that mouth comes with too…
Let's just say I'm
definitely in for the long….um…haul.
Whew, and how!
But what the hell
am I thinking, here I am lying here
like some smug, satisfied pig basking
in my selfish afterglow when Daniel's
done all the work and he hasn't….yet. It's definitely
time for me to show him as good a time
as he's just showed me.
Hey, fair is fair.
"Hey," I gently pat
his arm. "Your
turn."
Daniel snorts against
my chest, his body gently shaking with
laughter. "That's
- that's okay, Jack.
I'm good for now.
A little tired, but really good.
I think I'll sleep, now. How about you get
back to me in the morning."
"You're sure," I ask
him, rubbing his back after he slumps
contentedly against me.
"Yeah," he sighs and
nuzzles his cheek against my chest. "The morning will
be just fine."
"Well, okay. If you're sure." I hope I don't sound
disappointed because strange as it
might sound, that's exactly how I'm
feeling.
"I'm sure," Daniel
murmurs, brushing a kiss into my chest.
"Okay, whatever you
want," I assure him, and give him a
little squeeze. "We
can go to sleep, but just so you know,
if you want anything now, I don't mind, that is, if you don't
want to wait 'til morning…"
Daniel mumbles something
else I can't quite hear because he's
speaking really softly and directly
into my right nipple.
Which makes for an interesting
sensation, I must say but doesn't do squat
for my hearing.
Funny thing, though,
I have a feeling I know exactly what
he just said.
"Backatcha," I tell
him. And I really
mean it. "Go
to sleep, now Daniel."
Not a sound. He's breathing deep
and steady, as contented as a clam. Huh, looks like
he's already dropped off.
Well, what do you
know, I finally get the last word!
FINIS
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