WHAT'S IN A NAME   BY PHOENIX E

"Daaaaaniel?"

Yeah, Jack, I know, I know, pleased you could make it, so nice you decided to join us, Doctor Jackson, no, we don't mind waiting till you deigned to grace us with your presence.  Etcetera, etcetera. I know I'm late.  Again.  I'd say it won't happen again but we both know how I hate to make promises I can't keep.

Let's just get on with this, shall we?

"Dan-iel?"

Have a nice trip?  See you next fall?  And for my next trick?  Yes, Jack, I do know how to tie my shoes.  And believe it or not, I do know how to walk as well. Well, I guess I should be grateful he's not actually laughing at me.  I can't believe I tripped on a bootlace.  I guess I was in such a hurry I didn't tie them up properly.  This is so embarrassing.  Falling flat on my face.  At least I didn't take anyone with me.  For a change.  Bite the bullet, Daniel, tie 'em back up, pick yourself up, fall back in line and keep your head down.

Sam says ONE word to me and I'll TP her office.  Again.

Jack is going to be making jokes about this for weeks.  As soon as he thinks of a new, situationally appropriate nickname.  I wish he'd just shoot me and get it over with.  It would be a lot kinder.

"DAN-iel!"

Sorry, sorry, I'm falling behind, I know it.  Holding everybody up.  Sorry, Jack.   I know you want to get to the ruins before it gets dark.  It's just - it's harder to keep up with all of you than I thought it was going to be.  I guess I'm not quite up to speed yet, even though Janet said I was fine and okay to go back to work.  Sorry. Don't want to be excess weight or a liability.  

Come on Daniel, pick up the pace!

"Daniel?"

I'm fine, Jack, I'm fine.  it's nothing, I'm just a little tired.  Don't worry about it and for God's sake, don't look at me like that!  Oh great, now he's thinking he shouldn't have let me come.  It's too soon.  Too soon after the Touched, after he…

Don't worry about it.  It was no big deal. Just a few bumps and bruises.  Not like it was anything serious.  Okay, so I got kicked around a bit after they grabbed me.  Okay, so I got kicked around a lot.  Okay, so you kicked me around a bit too before that.   But I'm fine now.  Janet said so.  All better.  I don't even have any scars.  It was just one of those things.   You weren't responsible for your actions.  Let it go, already.  I have.  Really.

Oh look!  The site!  Thank God!

"Dannn-ielllll!"

Oh God, I think I hear my mother calling.  Only mother never shaved and barked like a bear first thing in the morning.  That must be the dinner bell.  I know I probably should go and eat something, but there's still some light left, and I've hardly had time to look around.  The images from the UAV were interesting enough, but now that I'm here…

I probably should have said something to Jack.  I know how much he hates missions like this one.  If the way he complains about being bored is anything to go by.  But I know why we're here.  'Cause I got all excited when I saw the transmissions and I'd been on the sidelines for a bit, and he's still feeling guilty about thumping me and he's trying to make it up to me and well - I just should have said thanks.

Jack can act like a real jerk at times, especially to me.  Yeah, I know, give credit where credit is due, I've given back as good as I've gotten. On more than one occasion.  Jack doesn't have the market cornered on 'jerkdom'.

But he isn't always a jerk.  Just when I think I've got his number he goes and does something nice.  Bastard!  I'll die before I admit this, but I don't really mind it when he calls me names.  I make out like I do, but that's just so he won't know I kinda like it.  He's been a big help, whether he's meant to be or not.   I don't know how I'd be dealing with missing Sha'uri without him.  He might drive me crazy at times, but somehow it's helping.  Keeping me going, keeping the hope up, keeping my mind off what could be happening to her, what must be happening to her.  Keeping me from going out of my mind knowing there's nothing I can do to help her…

"DANIEL!  TO-DAY!"

Okay, okay, Jack, don't have a cow!  Man!  I'm coming!

"DAMMIT!  DANIEL!"

"Sorry, Jack!  Sorry!  ShitshitSHIT, why am I so clumsy today?  I didn't mean - the cup just slipped - oh no - it was hot - Jack, did I burn you?  Here, here, let me help you, just let me -

"Daniel!"

I know, I know, get away from me, don't touch me, don't try and help, get out of my sight until I calm down.  Fine.  I can do that.  I know the drill.   It doesn't matter it was an accident.  Doesn't matter I didn't mean it.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  All I've done since I woke up this morning is screw up.  Sleeping in, tripping over my own feet, holding everyone up, dumping a cup of coffee on Jack, let's see, what else can I do wrong?

Looks like most of it missed him.  Looks like he's okay. Thank goodness for that.  Sam and Teal'c have the situation in hand.  I'll just make myself scarce for a while.  'Til they can talk Jack out of killing me.

They've gotten pretty good at that.

I don't know what's wrong with me.  I know what everyone thinks, but I'm really not a klutz.  It looks that way a lot, but that's only because they're all so much better at this 'soldier schtick' than I am.  I'm sorry, but the 'duck and cover' response hasn't had to be a part of my normal repertoire of instinctive actions until very recently.  Sometimes I forget, and someone, usually Jack, has to yank me down before I get my head shot off.   I can use it, Jack made sure of that, but I still don't like carrying this gun around.  I can always feel it, banging against my thigh when I walk, and it still bothers me it's there.  Still feels wrong.  Intrusive.   Like the weight is dragging me down.  Slowing me up.  And when I actually have to draw it - have to use it…

Cost of doing business, Jackson.  You'll get used to it.  It won't feel strange after a while.  Yup, before you know it, you'll be popping bad guys left right and centre, like it was nothing, just like everybody else.

And that's what really scares me.

But I have to do it.  I have to fit in, have to be one of the team, have to learn how to play the game, have to get the 'good soldier' thing down cold.  I have to do whatever it takes - for her.  She's counting on me, she needs me, and I can't let her down.  So I'll do it. I'll learn Jack's game, play by his rules, be whatever I need to be so I can stay out here until I find her.  No matter what I have to do, no matter what it takes, no matter the cost.

I just hope, when we're finally together again, Sha'uri will still love the man I'll become.

Oh dear, I hadn't really noticed, but it's getting awfully dark in here.  Even my flashlight isn't helping much.  Daniel, Daniel, you know better than this. Stumbling around in an unfamiliar place in the dark, not paying attention to what you're doing. This is just asking for trouble.  I'd better get my ass out of here before Jack starts chewing me out for doing something stupid.  Which he should.  'Cause I am.

"Daniel?"

Speak of the devil.  Jack, taking my name in vain again. He doesn't sound mad, though.  Thank God for that.  No, that was definitely his 'kiss and make up' voice.  Fine with me.  Not in the mood to fight tonight.  But he also sounded a little far away.  I've gone deeper into this place then I realised.  I'm thinking I definitely should be getting out of here before -

SHIT!  Where'd the floor go!  Don't panic, you can do this, don't overbalance, lean the other way you can still…..

Oh God, I'm going over -

"JAAAAAAACCK!"

"DAAANNNIIEEELLLL!"

Here.  Here.  I'm - I'm….here.  What's…..what's left of me.

Ohboyohboyohboy…breathe, breathe…oh, oh shit, this hurts…hurts to breathe…not, not good.  Definitely not good.   Should, should try and say…something.  Jack's voice.  That was Jack's voice.  He must have heard me yell.  God, General Hammond must have heard me yell. Looking for me.  Jack will be looking for me now.  Heard me yell.   Must have.   He'll find me.  Not going to be happy when he finds me.  This is gonna piss Jack off.  Oh yeah, he's gonna be mad at me now.  Janet isn't going to be too pleased either.  She just got rid of me and now I'm gonna make her work again.

Jack, Jack, oh, Jack's not gonna like this.  How many times I have to tell you, Daniel, you can't fly.  I never listen, do I Jack?  He's gonna kill me…when he finds me…too late, I think the fall might have beaten him to it…

Oh, oh…no…don't…don't start laughing - oh GOD!

"Daniel?  DANIEL!"

Jack?  He still sounds so far away.  Lights, from waaaaayyyy up there, shining wayyyyy down here.  Oh my, that's a long way up.  Or should it be down.  Still hurts, no matter how you say it.

Jack.  Jack's up there.  Found me found me, Jack's found me.  Good, good, can't yell, hurts too much.  Hi Jack.  Fall down go boom. I think I've done more than break a nail.  Don't be mad, okay?  Didn't…didn't mean to ruin your night…

"Daniel…."

Wow.  He doesn't sound mad.  That's good.  Sounds scared.  That's not good.  Scared. Me too.

They're all up there.  Talking.  I can only hear their voices, can't make out what they're saying.  Hurts… oh yeah, this is definitely hurting.  In some pain, here.  Jack?  Jack?  Get me out of here, Jack.  Do something.  Hurry. Don't like this.  I feel strange.  It hurts but it's getting weird.  Hurts but….can't feel anything…  Can't….can't…

"Daniel?"

Jack.  God, he sounds scared.  Sounds closer too.  Right over my head.  More sounds, so loud, I can hear everything so clearly, like the pain has switched all of my senses into overdrive.  I can hear the sounds of the rope slapping against the stone, the grunting noises Jack is making as he bangs against the wall in his haste to climb down to me, the sound of his feet scuffling on the side of the pit, getting closer.  Small stones and bits of dirt are pattering around me, I can feel a shower of fine grit raining across my face.  Something liquid, sticky, trickling through my hair, around my ear, down the back of my head.  Blood, can taste the blood in my mouth, metallic, thick.  I can even hear the broken ends of my ribs rasping together with every breath.

I'm really glad I don't have to go to the bathroom.

Ah!  God!  No laughing!  No laughing!  Ahhhhhhhh!

"Daniel? God…Daniel…"

Hand on my forehead…Jack - Jack's here.  Talking, he's talking to me.  What - what's he saying?  God!  Hurts so much!  Everything's black, red, Jack's still talking but I can't….don't know what he's saying, I'm getting further away, Jack…I can hardly hear you…

"DANIEL!"

What?  What?  Stay with you?  Hold on?  They're coming?  Don't go?  Don't want to, but it's hard - hard to stay awake.  Don't take your hand away;  I need to feel something besides pain.  Something else.  Give me something else to hold on to.  Keep talking, Jack, keep talking, don't stop talking, tell me how stubborn I am, tell me how stupid I am, tell me, tell me a bad joke, yeah, I know my mother dresses me funny but what's your excuse please, just keep talking, I need to hear your voice, need…something… Sha'uri - Sha'uri needs me, yes, that's good, that helps,  Skaara?  Good, good, that helps too, oh yeah, I forgot about that, thanks for reminding me, you owe me twenty bucks, all the reason I need now to keep on living if only to see you make good on a bet, keep talking, don't stop, I'm collecting that twenty if it kills me…

"Daniel…"

No, Jack, please, please don't.  Don't do this.  Not now.  Not - not your fault.  I shouldn't have been in here in the dark.  Doesn't matter, doesn't matter, done, it's done.  Just - just - don't leave me.  We'll sort it all out later.  I want to sort it out later.  Want there to be a later.  Okay?  Okay?

"Daniel?"

Need me too?  You need me?  Care about me?  I know, I've always known, I know why you yell at me when I scare you, why you try so hard to get me to 'get' this stuff, even when I fight you and argue with you and maybe don't listen.   I know why you go off on me when I work too hard and sometimes nag me like I'm a kid who doesn't know when to eat and sleep and call it a day and can't look after myself without some bossy, know-it-all colonel always telling me what to do for my own good.  Why you tease me, call me names, I know what it all means.  I know why. I know, but I don't let on.  I don't know why, except maybe it's because it's still so new.  So hard to believe.  I know it scares me sometimes.  

'Cause I need you too.

I'm not very good at this, Jack.  I haven't had a lot of friends in my life.  It means a lot to me, to have them now.  So do you.  You mean a lot to me. Sorry I never said.  Sorry for a lot of things I never said.  It may be too late now.  Don't want it to be too late. I don't.  Really.  But I'm glad you're here.  I wouldn't  want it to be anyone else.  Here, with me now - if I'm-  if I'm…I'm…going…

"DANIEL!"

Sorry, Jack, sorry, it's all right, I'm still here, drifted a bit, but… but I think... I'm going to be okay.  It still hurts, but…but you don't have to worry.  You did it.  You did it.  I'm holding on.  Gonna hold on.  Not going anywhere.  Not quitting on you.  Not leaving you.  Promise.  You did it.  Friends.  Friends.  I have a friend…

"Daniel?"

Still here, Jack.  Still hanging on.  Don't feel bad, you've already done more than you can know, just by being here.

I don't know how long it's been.  i haven't got the strength to ask, and besides, I doubt Jack would tell me anyway.  Thinking it's something I really don't need to know.  He's probably right.

Hours.  Must be hours since I fell.  Hours in the dark waiting for help to come from the SGC.  He's been here with me, with me all the way.  What's made all the difference.  It doesn't hurt as much, not so scared now. Thanks to him.   We both know it's bad, but I wouldn't have made it this far without him.  He'll help me make it the rest of the way too.  His voice tells me all I need to know.  In a word saying more than a thousand more painstakingly chosen ones.

"Daniel!"

Here?  They're here?  Going home now?  It'll be better; it'll be all right?  Okay, Jack, whatever you say.

Janet is here, help is here, hot damn the whole gang is here.  And I'm getting out of here.  Finally.  Splinted, bandaged, rigged for sound, trussed up, drugged up, up we go, wheeee…

Definitely more fun going up than coming down.

Home, James?

Whoa, stoned again.

Jack?  Jack?  Where is he?  I can't see him.  He has to come too - did he get up all right?  Jack?  Jaaack!

"Daniel…"

Okay, okay, I'll calm down.  I just wanted to know where you were.   Being good now.  See?  I can be good sometimes.  Even do what I'm told.  Okay, maybe that one needs a little work.

I wonder how many bones I broke this time?  S'okay, I'm sure Jack is making a list.  He'll give me the full inventory, at great length, along with the lecture about how stupid it was to do what I just did and how I am NEVER EVER going to do it again.  Right?

Can't wait.

"Daniel?"

Somehow, I don't think he's gonna give me that lecture.  He sounds like he's ready to drop, and yet, he's still with me, letting me know he's here.  I can feel his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it tightly as he walks beside me.  No, he's not going to chew me out about this.  But neither one of us is ever going to forget it.

Came too close this time for both of us.  Don't worry. Jack; I don't plan on conducting any more experiments with gravity any time soon.  Physics is Sam's playground.  She can have it with my blessings.

I think I'm going to sleep now.   I'm in good hands.  Damned good hands.   Leave the driving to the boys toting one expertly reassembled archaeologist.  Who's feeling pretty damned lucky right now to  be…reconstructed.  Well, sort of.

Now I know what the pot feels like after all its little bits have been dug out of the ground and fitted back together…

Hey!  I'm an artifact!

Thanks for finding all the pieces, Jack.

"You're welcome.

Daniel."

FINIS