NOCTURNAL ADMISSIONS PART TWO

WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE  BY PHOENIX E

"Surprise!"

"Crap!  Aw…SONOFABITCH!   Danny!  What's with the lights?  Are you trying to fry my…  Daniel? Uh, Daniel!  Whatcha doin' here - I mean - you're - you're back!  You're home! Two days before you were supposed to be  - I mean - early.  Early.  Whaddya know about that! That's - that's…nice.  Real nice.  Good to see you, Daniel.  Even if it is the middle of the freaking night."

"Your voice drips with sincerity, Jack.  Drowning in it, here."

"What do you want from me, it's three o'clock in the freaking morning and I was asleep. That is until someone turned the lights on and fried my eyeballs."

"Just making sure you were awake, Colonel Mine.  The black eye you gave me the last time I came home early when you were sound asleep and not expecting me and I unthinkingly cozied up next to you expecting to be kissed instead of thumped was a little difficult to explain.  If you will recall."

"I said I was sorry about that.  Reflexes.  What can I tell you?"

"Lets just say I learn from my mistakes and leave it at that."

"Oh, I dunno, you don't look so smart to me.  You came back, didn't you?"

"Hah, hah, very funny.  Everyone's entitled to their quirks.  I'd say you qualify as a big one."

"Huh.  At least you didn't say jerks."

"Give me time.  I'm sure you'll also give me a reason."

"You know you can count on me to deliver.  So, what are you doing here? Geez!  Danny, we have a hamper!  Try using it once and a while, will ya?"

"What am I doing here? I live here, but if this is the kind of welcome home I'm going to get…"

"I mean what are you doing here now and you know how I am about the socks and the underwear all over the place… Awwww...look at him now, there he goes again with the pants in a ball in the - no.  No, you know what?  You know what?  Forget it! I'm done trying to talk to you about this. I tell you and tell you and I might as well be talking to myself.  I'm done trying to do you any favours, Dannyboy.  Knock yourself out. They're your damn pants, you want to toss them in a corner and leave them there rather than taking a little time to hang them up don't go throwing a hissy fit all over me when you want to wear them next and they're all wrinkly  - "

"I came back early 'cause I missed the sound of your voice, that's why I'm here. It just wasn't the same without my rousing daily dose of verbal abuse to keep me sharp and focussed.  See, I'm feeling better already. I'll even hang up my shirt, just for you.  There, how's that?"

"Anyone ever tell you you're one sarcastic bastard when you want to be?"

"I thought you said it's one of the things you loved the most about me."

"I lied.  Uh, Daniel, as long as you're still up, would you mind going into the bathroom for a sec and getting - "

 "Jack?  What are you doing under there?"

"Me?  Doing?  Nothing.  Not doing a damned thing.  About the - "

"You are so!  Why are you trying to get me to leave the room? And why are you fidgeting around like that? What have you got under there, anyway -  why don't you want me to see it?"

"You're imagining things.  Forget it, I didn't need it anyway.  Turn out the light and come to bed.  The light?  Go, turn out the -  Daniel!  Cut it out, leave the damned covers alone!"

"Not a chance, Colonel, you're hiding something!"

"Let go!  Stop it, you're gonna rip  the damned blanket - "

"No way, you let go!  I want to see what you're hiding!  Give me those!  Jack?  Well, well, well, what do we have here?  Okay, I really don't believe this!"

"Happy now?"

"Those are my jammies. Well this certainly explains a lot!  Why they weren't in my suitcase when I unpacked for one thing  -    You're wearing my jammies.  Jack, why are you wearing my jammies?"

"I felt like it, okay?  What's the big deal, they're just a pair of damned jammies and you weren't using them.  If I knew you were going to get this pissy about it I wouldn't have touched your stupid, raggedy old jammies.  The way you treat your clothes I didn't think you'd care."

"You're wearing my jammies."

"So?  Wanna make something out of it? Oh crap, what's with the face?  That 's the big fat sappy Danny face.  I hate that face.  Cut it out with the face.  Don't go getting any ideas this means anything or anything -  that I - and definitely don't be thinking 'cause I'm wearing your ratty jammies I  - "

"You missed me."

"I DID NOT!"

"Did so."

"Did not!"

"Did!"

"You say that one more time I'll punch your lights out."

"How about I let you kiss me instead."

"Okay.  Works for me."

"Just let me turn out the…INCOMING!"

"Whoa!  Nice move, Doctor Jackson!  Uh!  God! No bouncing on the colonel!  You're not exactly a wee slip of a lad, here, and I'm not a trampoline. Wuff!   Danny! Easy, you wanna crack my ribs?  That's better.  Much better.  Mmmmmm, baby, come to poppa!"

"Oh yeah, I missed that all right."

Why Daniel, what a big missile you have."

"At least you didn't say 'is that a rocket in your pocket or are you just glad to see me'."

"I was saving it for later."

"You're going to be much too tired later to be spouting bad clichés."

"Oh my, that sounds like a threat."

"Possibly.  Possibly.  Now, about this matter of you wearing my jammies…"

"Feel nice, don't they?"

"Oh yeah, even better when they're on you."

"Funny, worked the other way around for me.   How about when they're on me - on you?"

"Uhhhhhh…huh... This has definite possibilities.  Oh yeah, oh yeah… This…this could be…yeah, right there, like that…could be…could be one of the best ideas you've…ohhhh…Jaaaaack…"

"Nice, huh?  How about a little weapons drill?"

"By the numbers, Colonel, sir?"

"I love it when you call me Colonel!"

"Presenting arms, Sir!"

"Colonel!"

"C- Colonel! Begging the colonel's pardon for being out of - out of  - OH God!  Uniform!"

"Undress of the day is fine.  As you were. Prepare to be inspected!"

"Happily presenting, sir!"

"Nice barrel. Let's see how it stands up to a thorough oral inspection."

"Whaa…?  Ohhh…"

"Mfurnl."

"Uhhhhh…oh….oh…oh my…uh…uh…ahhhh…ah - whaaa?"

"MFUR-nl!"

"Don't…don't talk with your…oh god oh god oh god that mouth…MOUTH!  MOUTH FULL!  COLONEL!  COLONEL!  COLONEL!"

"Heard you the first time.  Happy to report successful test firing.  Whoa, Danny.  Achieving escape velocity again, huh?"

"Hmmmmm…wha…?"

"Don't sweat it. Take it easy.  Wait for it."

"Hmmmmm…niiiiccccceeeee…"

"I do good work."

"Hmmmm…huhhhhh…goooood…"

"I don't suppose I could get you to return the favour and polish my clusters?"

"Nuuuhhhmmmm."

"That didn't sound like a yes.  Was that a yes?  Daniel?  Yoo Hoo? Danny? Equal time?  Fair's fair?  Daniel?  Crap. Out like a light. Well, this sucks.  Or rather, isn't being sucked.  What to do, what to do? I wonder if Daniel will mind too much if I just - tip him onto the floor to wake him up."

"You selfish bastard!  I can't believe you said that!"

"Gotcha!  That'll learn ya for thinking you could fool me by playing possum!"

"Well, I damned well should have fallen asleep on you.  As much as you deserve for doing it to me the last time jammies figured into it, if you will recall."

"Yeah, you should have, but I knew you wouldn't."

"How's that?"

"Easy.  You're a much better person than I am, a fact I shamelessly exploit to my advantage every chance I get."

'There is so much wrong with that last statement I am not in the least bit surprised it came out of you."

"Whatever, what counts is you're still awake and there's a small matter of other stuff I wouldn't mind coming out of me shortly.  And leave off with the size cracks, it might be late and I might be horny but I know what I said."

"Spoilsport.  Very well, I believe a request for cluster polishing is currently on the table."

"I'll give you the paperwork tomorrow."

"Sure you will. I'm willing to sign on for the detail.  Under certain conditions."

"Oh boy, here we go.  Conditions.  Mister Happy is getting depressed."

"Tell him sometimes life sucks and you get the shaft, too."

"What do you want, Daniel?"

"I wanna know why you're wearing my jammies."

"You're not gonna let this go, are you?"

"Nope."

"You HAVE to hear me say it, don't you?"

"Yup."

"Ah geez!  Now he's turning on the lamp! Christ!"

"Tell me."

"Well, I just felt, a little, kinda like...they smell like you and I - well, I like that.  And what with you not being here in person to smell up the joint..."

"You missed me."

"Yeah."

"Okay.  Just wanted to hear you say it."

"Sure.  Any time."

"Oh, look at this, will you?  What's with the face?  That's the big, fat sappy Colonel face."

"Is not."

"Is too!"

"Okay.  Maybe it is at that.  Now you've seen it can we turn the light out and get back to the business at hand?"

"Yes sir!  And Jack?"

"Hmmmmm…oh…oh yeah…what?  What, Daniel?"

"I don't mind if you wear them when I'm not here.  After all, what's mine is yours."

"Really?"

"Absolutely."

"Sweet.  Well, as long as you feel like that I'll be borrowing the Armani shirt Sam gave you for your birthday.  Thanks!"

"The Armani? How did we get from jammies to the Armani?  I haven't even worn it myself, yet!"

"You just said what's yours is mine.  Just taking you at your word.  Besides, what's the big deal, I'll even hang it up afterwards."

"Jack O'Neill, you are such a selfish prick!"

"Ain't it the truth and don't you just love me anyway."

"Oh!  Oh!  You bastard!  You are so gonna pay for that!"

"Bring it on, Dannyboy!  Oh GOD I love it when you're pissed with me! Oh Danny!  Ohhhhhh Danny! DannyDannyDannyohboyohboyoh BOYYYYYYY!!!"

FINIS

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